Dear Carla,I just wanted to know after a couple has a child then break up years later and they each find other partners what are the boundaries…are they allowed to hit the child or discipline the child in anyway????? BoundariesDear Boundaries,I think it's important to recognise the difference between spanking and disciplining because they are not the same. While I see nothing wrong with spanking my own children, I would not condone my partner spanking them. However, I would emphasise to them the importance of showing him respect and listening to what he has to say, especially if it is in their best interest. I think a conversation would have to be had with the parent, their child(ren) and the partner so that everyone is on the same level. It will save a ton of headaches and reduce stress in the relationship. Additionally the adults should have a discussion about how they view discipline as well because if there is not a clear view it could lead to nothing but discord and eventually a toxic relationship.Dear Carla,I'm almost embarrassed to reveal this, but I work in an office environment and like to look good but can't afford to buy new clothes too often. One of my relatives suggested I go thrift shopping but the thought of wearing clothes that belonged to someone else grosses me out. Your thoughts? GROSSDear Gross,Thrift shopping is where it's at! I do it all the time. What I usually do is buy a piece I clothing from a retail store and look for complements while thrift shopping. Often I buy several pieces for under $30. Besides the longtime thrift stores which have been around for years there are also a host of stores across the Island that sell vintage items. Another thought...ask friends who wear the same sizes as you if they have items which they may want to get rid of. I do it all the time! It's a recession so be creative! Just make sure you wash the items before you wear them and dress them up with accessories.Dear Carla,I have been married for quite some time, by today's standards, and have always been faithful. Recently I "remade" contact with an old crush, and informed her of my puppy love, all those years ago. She was shocked, but in any case, upon catching up the chemistry was amazing, to make a long story short, no physical contact for over a decade, but still the attraction remains......am I making a mistake by not exploring it, and staying married/faithful. PUPPY LOVEDear Puppy,You seem confused. You just said that you've been married for a while and have been faithful yet you are exploring possibilities with this crush from yesteryear? I do not think that you are being honest with yourself. You are clearly not happy in your relationship because if you were you would not be exploring anything. Fantasising, well that's understandable. Often we spend time dreaming about what could have been. But to consider leaving your marriage. Something seems a bit off about that. It sounds to me as if there is something missing in your life and you are looking to fill the void. Since you've been married for a while, wouldn't it make sense to seek counselling both individually and jointly so that you can work on what is affecting you and/or your marriage? Why are you willing to potentially throw away everything for the unknown. What happens if it doesn't work out? Who says the crush wants to be with you? If there are kids involved, why are you willing to hurt them? While I've heard that marriage is not walk in the park, I firmly believe they should be coveted and cherished. Please do your best to keep yours in tact.Dear Carla,I've met a woman that I would like to pursue a relationship with. We are taking the time to get to know each other better and everything is great. The problem is there are things from my past that I am afraid she will not like. Truth is I was a womaniser and I often had more than one woman at once. But with maturity I've come to understand that only boys operate like that. I am now ready to settle down and make my next girlfriend my wife. I know if I don't tell her someone else will but I need her to see that I am changed. But as you know, that is very hard in Bermuda. I'm really afraid she will walk away. But I have to tell her. What should I do? OLD DOGDear Old Dog,I admire your desire to be honest. You have to commended for that. Tell her as soon as possible but do not make a huge deal about it. Besides telling her how much you've matured, show her because the proof is really in the pudding. Trust me when I tell you, I know how unforgiving Bermudians can be. But if you are committed to being the man you want to be in the relationship you have to block out the chatter and focus. Always remember misery loves company and some people will make a concerted effort to destroy your relationship; especially women you have hurt in the past. Also be mindful that you are going to have to protect your new girlfriend somewhat. And be prepared for her venting in frustration and feeling insecure but keep showing her that you are true to your word and being a better man.* Do you have an issue you want to raise with Carla? E-mail her - carla@royalgazette.com