Carla ZuillDear Carla: I am so frustrated and I’m hoping you can help me. My daughter’s father and I were together for five years and we broke up six months ago. I asked him, in order to avoid any drama, can we amicably enter the family court. He was insulted and said no. For no reason that I can see he stopped paying for her in October. Whenever I asked him why he ignored me. I threatened him with court and he begged me not to. Now almost five months later he has paid nothing. But get this. He took a trip with his boys in December. He is seen buying drinks for people weekly. He has top of the line gear. When I point this out he curses me out. I really don’t want to go the courts. He has a child from a previous relationship that he pays for without a hitch. I can’t help but to take this personal. FrustratedDear Frustrated: I really don’t understand why some guys are like this. Situations like this annoy me. I suggest that you take him to court. Who cares how he feels? Your daughter has needs which have to be taken care of and it should not only be your responsibility to ensure they are fulfilled. Funny how men think they no longer have to provide for their children once their relationship is over with the mom. There are too many situations like these happening in this Island. Males who act like this should be ashamed of themselves, but hey if they had a conscious they wouldn’t treat their child like this would they? As far as him taking care of other child, there are so many potential reasons so it would be hard to speculate. File those papers ASAP!Dear Carla: I’ve found that most women over 35 are not looking for a committed relationship. They would prefer a ‘come after dark, do your business, and be gone before daylight’ type. Are the morals and values of a committed relationship gone? And the new one that I can’t grasp is what they call it a ‘bedbuddy’! seeking Ms RightDear Seeking: I always find questions like yours interesting because I usually hear this from women in this same age group. I hear so many stories from good women looking for good men and vice versa but it seems like we keep missing one another. People laugh when I say this but I truly feel like something is wrong with our generation (born in the 70s). There seems to be a huge disconnection of the sexes. The majority of men I know are cheating and many women are attracted to men who can provide materially for them. I think this is so sad because we are missing out on rich, healthy relationships. As far as some women wanting to be ‘bedbuddies’, maybe they are just fed up with being heartbroken. Do not despair. Ms Right is out there … let her find you.Dear Carla: I have been married for more than ten years. I was in my 20s when I took my vows. My wife is a few years older. I was not perfect husband. Over the years my wife expressed certain things that she did not like. Because I valued my marriage, I listened to what she said she needed and made the necessary changes. I actually became much happier. A few weeks ago, she came home and announced she was leaving. I was devastated and did not want her to go but I could not stop her. I asked her for a divorce and she said she doesn’t want to file yet in the event that “things may change”. I feel that since she has left, one of us should file. I think she’s being selfish. What do you think? in LimboDear In: Although I have never been married, it breaks my heart to hear when a marriage is about to dissolve. I would never encourage someone to walk away; however, I do believe that she is being selfish. How can she expect you not to want to move on with your life if she has moved on? By leaving home, I think she is sending a clear sign that she has checked out of the relationship. Have you guys considered counselling because I think that would be a good route to take if it has not been explored? If you have and there is still no change, I suggest you consult a good lawyer and file. Good luck.Dear Carla: I’m in a relationship with a guy who has had quite a large repertoire of female “acquaintances” over the years. Yes, I mean sex partners. When we decided to enter the relationship I told him that I would not put up with continued contact with these “friends”. So we agreed he would not. Or so I thought. He continues to have contact with them, and makes new female friends along the way (says the new ones are really just friends). I know nothing about any of these friends and if they are truly just friends wouldn’t you tell your partner about them? He feels it is OK to have female friends and meet for lunches or hang out at their houses etc (without my knowledge). I’m all for men and women being friends, but if they’re ex partners or have to be hidden from your current partner something’s not right. He has already turned to the arms of one of his female friends and like a fool I took him back under the condition it all stops. So I wonder Carla, is it okay for men to have secret friends and meetings and continue talking to exes when they’ve entered into a new relationship? One of manyDear One: Girlfriend, I hate to break it to you but your boyfriend is playing you for a fool. He is being disrespectful. There is no other way to put it. Since historically he has had intimate contact with many female friends, I feel there is a high likelihood that the behaviour will continue. Don’t get me wrong; men and women can have platonic relationships but usually when they occur their respective partners are well aware they exist. I know if he was my man, I would not appreciate him having lunch or going over females’ houses; in fact I would be livid. By the sounds of things, it doesn’t sound like you can change him. You may want to consider counting your losses and leaving him alone.* Do you have an issue you want to discuss with Carla? E-mail carla@royalgazette.com