making love, or the image of an angry man punching his wife in the face? It's a question I often pose to homophobic friends in hope of having them confront their perceptions of morality in a society where an expression of love is less acceptable than an expression of rage.

This feature will no doubt be overshadowed by the comments of Senator Patricia Gordon Pamplin, who recently called for a withdrawal of the 1994 John Stubbs' Private Members' Bill which eliminated legislation making gay sex a crime.

However, this article is not intended as a response to her comments, but rather as a feature on the lifestyles of an estimated ten percent of the Bermudian population -- many of whom still exist either on the fringes of society, or in fear of their double life being exposed.

The names of the homosexual individuals who spoke with The Royal Gazette about their experiences have been changed to protect their privacy.

"Rexx Richards'', a 30-year-old single gay Bermudian who writes a column about homosexual lifestyles for Salt magazine, said he first came to terms with his sexuality while at college in Toronto.

Since returning home, Mr. Richards said he discovered the Island is a particularly difficult place to be gay because so many Bermudians have a hard time discussing any type of sexuality.

"A lot of people in Bermuda so want to conform... nobody wants to move us forward in a positive direction by challenging the status quo. Yeah, we have people moving us forward racially, but that isn't challenging anything -- those are things we know need to be fixed and they're going forward with the support of the community,'' said Mr. Richards.

"However, to deal with the gay issue, you have to go out on a limb. My family is also affected by this -- my mother and father have to deal with a community that does not accept their children.

"They may want to love us, but they cannot fully love us because they are constantly told their children are evil, of the devil, they live sinful and deplorable lives, their children are an abomination to the God who they pray to every night.'' Mr. Richards said much of the anti-homosexual sentiment on the Island stems from the desire to adhere to a Christian ethic that no longer reflects the social reality of Bermuda.

"We are a puritanical nation... Bermuda wants to recognise itself as a Christian nation, even though more and more people on the Island are becoming more of a spiritual people.

"But instead of moving ahead and making the Island more encompassing and allowing people to be spiritually free, they are still adhering to a Christian basis for the laws.

"We're such a hypocritical place... we so readily accept the adultery scene here, how everyone is sleeping with someone else's mate -- the real Bermuda triangle.

"And yet we want to have a backlash against the Stubbs' Bill and the gay community, who haven't disrupted the Bermudian community in any way imaginable.'' Mr. Richards said he has been harassed by colleagues at work and lives under the threat of violence should his gayness ever become a well-known fact.

"I've always been afraid in Bermuda, for my physical and emotional safety,'' he said.

"I sense the violence in Bermudian society. We see it demonstrated in violence against women, in violence against children, against people we love -- there's a lot of underlying violence in this community.

"This violence, spurred on by alcohol and drug abuse, can arise at any time and there's no real protection.

"Living in this community, you hear about people whose jobs and security are threatened -- it's common knowledge. I've been harassed by co-workers, but I don't have to be harassed to fear here, because I know it's happened to someone else.

**"I have never seen someone hung on a tree in the South, but to drive through there it can't help but go through your mind -- because you are one and the same.

"I don't have to experience these things to know they're there, but my future always holds that possibility. Every day when I come into work, there is the possibility that someone will find out that I'm gay and make life more difficult for me.

"In Bermuda if you're single and gay, you're fine if you're in the know.

However, it's so much more difficult in Bermuda because you have to deal with such a high level of secrecy and closeted gay people.

"Most likely the person you may find yourself involved with is somebody who's in the closet, who has a girlfriend or a wife and that becomes so much more confining. You, as a person, cannot grow and develop because your relationship cannot grow and develop.

"It takes away so much from loving yourself and developing yourself within the gay experience when you're constantly reminded that you cannot love in a free environment.

"But when everyone knows for sure that a person is gay, then they're immediately an outcast in Bermuda.

"And they think, `I cannot be seen as different, I must remain Bermudian normal' which is really quite an absurd concept of normality.'' Mr. Richards emphasises that the gay rights' issue is really an issue of human rights, involving homosexuals and heterosexuals alike.

"The voices of the heterosexual community that feel as if their personal rights are infringed upon must speak up,'' he said.

"Taking away the rights of gay people is also taking away the rights of heterosexual people who believe in diversification and the whole human experience.

"It isn't just a knock against gay people, it's also a knock against humanity.

"There's a deafening silence... but the community at large who feels threatened in any way by the radical right need to say something. We all need to come out as a humanitarian community that embraces everybody.

"Why do we need some mother's son or some mother's daughter hauled away to prison for simply loving someone? Something feels criminal in that and Bermuda should be dragged to the courts of the world and whipped for it if we ever even dared think about it again.'' "Lisa'' is a professional black Bermudian woman in her early thirties who is also a lesbian.

She said the level of hostility directed toward gays in Bermudian society often makes it difficult to be honest about life choices -- a challenge which she met head-on.

"No wonder we're artistic -- we should be the greatest singers, the greatest songwriters and all that for the simple fact that every day of our lives, we're living on stage... every single day.

"In Bermuda, someone may know or suspect, but it seems to be acceptable until you say "yes, I'm gay''.

"I even have a friend that hung himself a couple of years ago, and one of the prime reasons was because his father denied him and he didn't want to come back home.

"I'm out the closet, but I don't advertise and I only miss two things: walking and holding hands, and slow-dancing.

"But you know why `gay' means `happiness'? Because you're living your true self -- what you feel is what you go with.'' However, Lisa said in a society where human rights' legislation does not include laws protecting people from sexual orientation-based discrimination, honesty often comes with a price.

"I have an MBA and all of that, but I know for a fact the reason I haven't been given a permanent position is because of my lifestyle.

"The whole gay rights' thing started off with human rights. A member of our community had been fired because of his lifestyle and there were people who were not receiving mortgages or promotions because of their lifestyle.

"I even had a personal situation where they were thinking twice about giving me an apartment because I had a lover.

Gay rights: Personal choice versus public perceptions "We have teachers that are gay and they have to live their lives even more in a bubble -- even though statistics show that 90 percent of child molestation cases are committed by heterosexuals.

"And Bermuda's law -- to actually say someone has the right to enter your bedroom -- that's really kinda scary.

"But if we're actually going to put the laws back on the books, then they have to be the same for women too. And I'm a woman... and Bermuda will be the laughing stock of the world.

"They thought once this bill went through, you'd see women kissing on the street and men holding hands -- but none of that has happened.

"People always think when we get together, it's just going to be a wild orgy, and we have to change this whole image.'' And Lisa said the condemnation from Bermudian society is based on a level of moral hypocrisy.

"The part that really saddens me is that black people are a nation of people who have fought for their rights, so they should understand discrimination,'' she noted.

"What is the fear, if you are secure within yourself? It's like saying you believe blacks need to be set free, or we deserve equal rights, or apartheid is wrong.

"I see Bermuda as a Victorian society, and it's basically `do what I say, not what I do'.

"In today's world, it's okay to be divorced and to commit adultery -- but just because something's acceptable, is it right or is it wrong? "If people talk about God this and the Bible that, then the Bible teaches about unconditional love -- that's whether you're black, white, gay or straight.

"I'm a very spiritual person, and that has nothing to do with my gayness... I have to answer to God and I get on my knees every day, giving thanks and praise.'' Lisa said many of the stereotypes about homosexuals do not take into account the genuine relationships that exist between partners.

"People tend to focus so much on the physical, and that's really sad... to me, it's the straight community that dwells so much on sex, not us,'' Lisa said.

"We have relationships... we have the same trials and tribulations as a heterosexual relationship.

"There are gays that are really lustful, but that's a personal thing -- that has nothing to do with being gay.

"Gayness is an emotion and people don't seem to understand that. It's not that you don't enjoy having sex with a person of the opposite sex, it's that who you feel emotionally connected to is a woman,'' she noted.

"Gayness is a connection... it's nothing more than that.'' "Malik'', a 33-year-old man, has been in a relationship with "William'', a 38-year-old man, for the past five years.

For Malik, coming to terms with his homosexual identity has been more of a personal journey rather than one dictated by legislation.

"For a lot of gays, you have to come to your own feeling of being okay with yourself -- and until that point, no matter how much the public beats up on you, you beat up on yourself a whole lot more,'' he said.

"Once you get to a place where you're feeling okay being on the fringe of society and your parents are cool with it, it doesn't really matter.

"I had already come to that place, and once the law was changed I no longer had to feel like if I was in my house making love that the Police might walk in -- and I used to think that all the time.

"It was particularly weird for me, because I used to date a cop -- so I felt like I was committing a crime with a cop.

"I thought there was a difference (between being gay in Bermuda versus elsewhere), that it was more oppressive and you felt more hated, but everywhere you go it's the same.'' William has been very open about his sexual identity -- he's been "out the closet'' for more than 20 years.

"I came out when I was about 18.. . I went to San Francisco and did a course on public relations, but my primary reason for going there was to see how gays lived in California,'' he said.

"I spent about a month in California, but the very first gay club I went to in San Francisco, I looked across to the other side of the bar and saw a Bermudian.

"I was amazed, but at the same time it was good as well because I had somebody I could bond with.

"When I came back to Bermuda, it actually wasn't that difficult -- this is where I was supposed to be. I'm really into Bermuda, and I also knew that being gay was who I was.

"I linked up with a childhood friend who I knew was gay... he was very out, and I started hanging out with him and people started saying, "William must be gay, too''.

"My parents were pretty pissed about it of course, and we went through the drama of it all, but they got over it as time went by.'' Both Malik and William were appalled by Ms Gordon Pamplin's suggestion, and say her ideas smell of intolerance and "moral elitism''.

They defined "moral elitism'' as the practice of condemning unpopular lifestyles such as homosexuality while ignoring the more prevalent and acceptable issues like adultery.

"This country is absolutely steeped in adultery, but beating up on gays is safe -- it doesn't even require a whole lot of imagination,'' William said.

"If she (Ms Gordon Pamplin) really wanted to be productive or progressive, why not deal with an issue that will bring people together?'' Photo illustration by David Skinner Consenting adults: Even though homosexuality in Bermuda is now legal between adults over 18 years old, there is still a strong stigma attached to relationships that challenge or deviate from societal "norms''.