When Gladstone Eve came face to face with several battered women a couple of weeks ago, he got to see for himself the pain abusive men inflict on women.

The meeting was part of the Physical Abuse Centre's women's support group programme and was the first time victims of domestic abuse had a meeting with a recovering batterer.

Eve is the first graduate of the Batterer's Intervention Programme run by the centre, aimed at helping abusive men to change their controlling behaviour. He has completed the 26-week programme along with six other men and is taking responsibility for his past behaviour.

"My upbringing was an abusive one and so this is where I learned that negative behaviour," said the 54-year-old who also admitted he bullied his friends as a young boy.

"I never would have thought I would be a batterer of women, but I guess that was the only real life I knew at that time. Now I've learned this new behaviour, how not to batter and be abusive. Abuse comes in many forms, there is the beating, the verbal abuse, the emotional abuse...financial abuse.

"After being in the Abuse Free Programme I can, without any shadow of doubt, say that the physical part has been nipped in the bud. But I will spend the rest of my days working on those other parts.

"In every sense of the word I was abusive, to just about anybody who didn't come right with me. If you came wrong you met my degradation. That was from about eight, nine or ten years old.

"I would abuse my mates as far as always wanting to have my way. And if I didn't get my way I would resort to violent tactics because I had no other means of dealing with the adversity I met at that young age."

Eve expected the women to "beat up on me" when he came face to face with them. He heard of their pain, but by that time he had already begun his own healing process through his own programme.

"As far as women are concerned I think it is an awful thing that a man has to resort to beating his woman," said Eve.

"Women were made to be loved by us, protected, cared for and respected by us and we do the complete opposite when we decide to abuse them in any manner. It's a crying shame.

"If I could turn the clock back that (abuse) would never be a part of my life. But, I sat in this programme for 26 weeks and my behaviour has changed and my attitude has changed. That part of my life I have put behind me and every day am putting it behind me.

"I look forward now to getting myself in a position where I can help those out there who are batterers, be they men or women, but men especially."

Eve admits he has been in court a few times for assault on people and even physically abused his second wife to the extent that she was hospitalised.

"I appeared in high court for that and could have gotten as much as ten years, but through what she had to say the Judge was very lenient with me and I got an 18-month sentence suspended for two years," he explained.

"Even after what I did to that woman she still had mercy on me."

The abuse ended the five year marriage and forced Eve to do some soul searching.

"In fact it was my ex-wife who is 90 per cent responsible for this change," he revealed.

"It is because of her that I entered into the Physical Abuse Centre. We had had words on the telephone and it was shortly after we had had an altercation whereby she had reason to deal with the Physical Abuse Centre. She pointed me to an article that was in the paper that she was partly responsible for.

"Upon reading the article (Lifestyle article last December on the launching of the Batterers Intervention Programme) it seemed like the article was talking about me. Me, with my abusive manner, called the Physical Abuse Centre and told them about themselves and slammed the phone down on the lady's ear. About five minutes after that something moved inside of me and made me call the lady back and apologise. I also enquired about receiving help and was referred to Mrs. (Rose) Vickers and now it is some 31 weeks later."

Mrs. Vickers helped launch the Island's first batters' programme earlier this year, basing it on similar programmes in Florida. Prior to its launching she went away to Florida for training with two other women, including Nina Jones, a counsellor at the Physical Abuse Centre.

"We learned that programmes like Abuse Free must be connected to a shelter because at all times the victim's safety is number one," said Mrs. Vickers.

"We went to a conference in Philadelphia and one of the main concerns, was that you must be connected with a shelter. The Physical Abuse Centre has the only shelter for victims and children of domestic violence."

With input from Gladstone Eve, The Centre is in the process of starting a support group for men, Mrs. Vickers revealed.

""You don't have to be in an Abuse Free programme, it's for men who want to do something positive for society, to get together and help the cause for ending all types of abuse," she said.

Eve hasn't looked back since admitting he needed help and entered the programme earlier this year.

"I guess after those bit of words (with his ex-wife) on the telephone, enough was enough and it was time to change," he revealed.

"I lost countless relationships, friendships and opportunities for work because I get in a good situation and this `thing' comes out of me and that's the end of it. But that's a thing of the past, my life has turned around and turned around for the good."

Success in the programme is based on the participant's willingness to be there and desire to change, he stressed.

"That's the main thing, wanting to change," he stated. "The programme can't help you if you don't want this help.

"The programme has played a major part and always will play a major part because I will always be a part of that programme. There are six other guys in the programme, I have graduated but I still attend.

"They are all coming along well. Everyone of them is steadily making progress. I can see the healing every time we get together. They are there because they want change, not because they have to be."

He added: "We have to stop to think that women are an immediate part of us and this is how we need to look at them, like they are a part of us and there is nothing we would do to injure ourselves."

Eve didn't know what to expect when he came face to face with the abused women, expecting them to be tough on him.

"I found it a joy to sit in that support group with those women," he said.

"They handled me very nicely, they were very inquisitive and asked many questions and even I thought they were going to beat up on me. In fact that's what I told them afterwards.

"I was in the heights when it was all over. They all asked some very good questions and I got to understand just how women who have been battered feel. How they feel about battering, about the one who battered them and how they felt about their children having to witness such.

"My heart grieved for them, but at the same time I could see they are on the mend, starting to heal and putting the pieces back together in their lives."

Eve has also come to understand why some women fight to keep the relationship intact, even in the face of abuse.

"Once a woman commits she gives her all and when the battering begins to take place, one of the reasons why they don't shift is because there is always in them that hope and the looking for that this guy will someday change," he explained.

The recovering batterer wants to help other batterers deal with their abusive ways. He also offers words of encouragement to women who may be facing such abuse.

"To anybody for whom these categories of abuse might fit, what they ought to do is come to grips with themselves, have a made-up mind to arrest this situation and accept responsibility and to get in tough with the Physical Abuse Centre," he says.

"To the women who might be in these kinds of relationships, gently encourage your man to get some help. And if he won't move then you go ahead and get the help you need and maybe he might be encouraged to do it.

"Certainly the cycle needs to stop."

Eve, the father of adult daughters, admits he wouldn't tolerate his own daughters being abused.

"I always thought of that but I always thought to myself `how much could you do, because you are a batterer, too'? I deeply regret having put my hands on my children's mother."

Mrs. Vickers, facilitator of the Batterer's Programme, is pleased with the success of it so far.

"Yesterday I received two calls from two helping agencies who want to know more about the programme. Of course we are trained for women also but so far most of the people walking through the door or referred are men," she revealed.

Mrs. Vickers warns the programme deals with tough issues, but success is there for willing participants. Three men, not prepared to make the necessary commitments, were asked to leave the programme.

"Some come into the programme and think it's going to be easy or may come in feeling `I'll avoid going to prison', especially those who have been court-ordered," she explained.

"But if their intentions are not on the level, sooner or later the negative behaviour will surface and they realise it is not that easy. Of course we have rules and if the rules are broken they could be terminated from the programme.

"Three came for the purpose of not going to jail and they re-offended and were automatically kicked out. As one person said to me, men just don't talk about their true feelings and we need more men doing this."

Added the facilitator: "This is one place they can be open and honest and be able to talk freely and get the support. Everyone is in there for abuse and we always say abuse is abuse is abuse...not just violent or physical."

Next Tuesday:Two battered women share their stories.