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BERMUDA | RSS PODCAST

ALWAYS a natty dresser, the Duke of Edinburgh did Bermuda proud on Wednesday by walking around all day sporting one of Front Street's most popular ties.

The Royal choice was a navy blue background with a repeat pattern of the Island silhouetted in white and surmounted by a tiny crown.

Set against his strawberry pink shirt, it looked as handsome as the Duke himself.

A Government House source said the tie was part of the Duke's wardrobe, which he picked up during a previous visit to the Island.

* * * AMONG the stream of do's and don'ts issued to all and sundry by the Government Protocol Officer and Government Information Services in advance of the Royal visit were instructions on how to curtsy and bow.

"More of a bob than a deep knee curtsy'' was how women were told to acknowledge the Queen or Duke, while men should effect "a little bow of the head rather than a full, deep bow''.

So imagine the surprise of the media representatives lined up for their moment in the Royal presence at Government House on Tuesday when a member of the Royal Household announced: "You do not have to bow or curtsy. It is entirely optional.'' * * * BERMUDIANS are known for their politeness, sharp dressing and sense of occasion, but the Department of Information Services (many of whom are ex-journalists) wasn't taking any chances with what Sir Dennis Thatcher called "the reptiles''.

In an eight-point, eleventh-hour despatch, local media representatives attending the private reception with the Queen and Duke at Government House were told, among other things, to: Be polite Wear a nice suit or dress (females) Keep the conversation light Relax and enjoy the occasion With support like this, who needs mother? * * * IT seemed to be a case of "If it's Tuesday it must be Bermuda'' for the Queen's travel-weary Press Secretary, Mr. Charles Anson.

Despite the carefully prepared Press kits issued by the Bermuda Government, and the fact that Bermuda is a British possession, it appeared that Mr. Anson hadn't done his homework too well.

Local journalists listening to his monotonous briefing prior to meeting the Royal couple at a private reception were surprised to hear him refer to locals as "Bermudans'' and state that the Island was "Britain's oldest colony''.

This misinformation proved too much for one Royal Gazette scribe.

Seizing her moment to respond to the Press Secretary's concluding "Any questions?'' she said: "Mr. Anson, I would be grateful if you would advise the foreign Press that we are Bermudians, not Bermudans, and Bermuda is not Britain's oldest colony. Hong Kong is Britain's oldest colony. We are Britain's oldest self-governing colony.'' The momentarily stunned Mr. Anson quickly attempted to cover his faux pas with a breezy explanation. After so much travelling to so many places, he said, "all of the vowels sometimes don't come out quite as they should''.

Later, however, he apologised to the reporter for his errors and promised to "get it right in future''.

* * * NEWS hounds champing at the bit for some meaty gossip should be in for a treat if they find themselves in Victor Woolridge's cab.

One Royal Gazette scribe on Royal duty was certainly treated to some spicy stuff this week by 75-year-old Victor.

Juicy tidbits included times he took some of the world's VIPs in his cab.

Take, for example, former US secretary of state Dr. Henry Kissinger.

Most people remember him as the earnest globetrotter of the Nixon and Ford eras.

Victor has his own recollection, however,.

Chatty the good doctor may have been in front of world leaders, but in Victor's cab he was distinctly lacking in the small talk department.

"He didn't talk much at all,'' recalled Victor.

And what about a tip? Taxi drivers the world over should not raise their expectations too high, it seems.

All of which contrasts starkly with the flamboyant Kennedy brothers -- Robert and Ted, that is.

The brothers, accompanied by their wives, were in top form when Victor drove them to a South Shore beach.

Friendly and talkative, they really made Victor's day.

He remembers leaving them on the beach, tucking into an afternoon snack, which included several slices of cake washed down by sodas.

Through good times, and not so good, Victor has obviously remained a perfect ambassador for Bermuda.

Just as well, really. For one of Victor's cousins is Tourism Minister the Hon.

C.V. (Jim) Woolridge.

* * * ANYONE who saw crew from HMS Argyll present its Guard to the Queen on Wednesday noticed how smart and well-pressed the sailors' uniforms were. As a Navy-produced brochure on the ship reveals, Argyll has a "Chinese laundry'' on board.

It's not just an outmoded and politically incorrect figure of speech from the days of Empire, a Royal Navy spokesman told The Royal Gazette .

The captain in charge of the Royal Navy's Hong Kong base, HMS Tamar, has contracts to provide Chinese civilians to work in laundries aboard some of Her Majesty's frigates and larger ships, the spokesman said.

"They're very good,'' he said.

"If we don't have Chinese laundrymen on board, it usually ends up that the stokers do the washing, and they're not normally as good.'' Once Hong Kong is returned to the Chinese in 1997, "it's something liable to disappear,'' he lamented.

* * * HAIR by gum! What is the Wright way for a northern England lad to greet the Queen? Well, when you are Royal Gazette scribbler Alan Wright, follow the word of mum, of course.

And that meant only one thing, for our Alan. Off with his crowning glory -- the trademark ponytail.

Fortunately, losing his hair apparent left him with a cool head for meeting her Majesty at a special media reception.

And hair loss has not been matched by a similar depletion in the humour department.

Local hostelries, used to Amstel-loving Al's custom, will be breathing a sigh of relief.

"My mum told me that if she saw me on the BBC with a ponytail she would kill me!'' explained Alan before his big day.

"She is also coming to Bermuda in April, so I thought I'd better get a haircut.'' Mum's the word, it seems, even for those toughies from the north...

* * * ORGANISERS of the Speaker's Dinner in honour of the Queen were praised for their attention to detail. This even extended to light-hearted touches like swan-shaped canapes and a Bermuda Triangle-shaped first course.

But one detail was missing. A fanfare from the Bermuda Regiment was scheduled for the Royal couple's arrival in the Atlantic Room of the Southampton Princess hotel.

The trumpeters assembled with faultless precision, but stayed silent.

The Regiment's Adjutant, Capt. Henry Simpson, said the missing fanfare was not the fault of the band members.

"It was an unfortunate mix-up with timings. The signal was not given for the fanfare to be played, and before the men knew it the Royal couple were in.'' Who should have given the signal, then? "I really don't know,'' said Capt.

Simpson, perhaps diplomatically.

ROYAL DEPARTURE -- The Queen ended her three-day visit to Bermuda on Thursday when she left for London and the Duke of Edinburgh returned to the Bahamas.

WALKABOUT -- The Queen leans into the crowd gathered outside the The Royal Bermuda Yacht Club on Wednesday to talk to one of the hundreds of spectators who gathered at Albouy Point to catch a glimpse of her.

HAPPY MOMENT -- The Queen is caught quietly smiling as Bermuda College president Dr. George Cook escorts her around the College's Stonington campus on Thursday.

FEAST OF FLAGS -- Hundreds of schoolchildren armed with Union Jacks and Bermuda flags took to the streets during the Royal Visit to cheer the Royal couple.