Dear Annie: What do you think of an adult man — over 40 — playing hide-and-seek with small children? I have repeatedly told this man to stop, but he continues. He is a member of the family, so there is a lot of contact.

Last week at a family gathering, I found him in a bedroom with the door shut and the lights out, playing hide-and-seek with my three-year-old grandchild. I have expressed my concerns to the child's parents (my son and daughter-in-law), but they think this man is "just a big kid."

Will you please write something on the actions of a pedophile? — Seattle Grandmother

Dear Seattle: Most adults who play with children are perfectly OK, but if this man is looking for ways to get your 3-year-old grandchild alone, it is cause for concern. Paedophiles often seem normal, even respectable, but they often prefer the company of children and arrange to be near them — through work, activities or adult relationships that enable them to be around young children on a regular basis. They often "groom" the children by playing child-centred games, bringing them gifts, making them feel special and creating trust. (With older children, it can include arranging parties and outings.)

Inappropriate physical contact happens gradually, and often parents are unaware anything is going on until it's too late. This is why it is so important to educate children about good and bad touching, and to make sure they tell their parents when anything happens or if they are uncomfortable with certain people. Young children should not be left unsupervised with someone who arranges to get them alone in a dark room with the door closed. Talk to your son again and show him this letter. He needs to keep a closer eye on the situation.

Dear Annie: I am a 32-year-old gay male living with HIV. My mother died last year and all I have left is my dad. He knows I'm gay and that I have HIV, but he chooses to keep his distance. He talks to me if I call or go see him, but I'm tired of making the first move. He visits other family members who live two blocks from me, but won't drop by here. I miss my mother and would love to have Dad in my life.

I've stopped calling and visiting in the hope that he will reach out to me. Is that the wrong way to handle it? Should I quit whining and just be content with a one-sided relationship? — Missing Dad in Kentucky

Dear Missing Dad: There is no right or wrong way. The question to ask is: "Do I want a relationship with Dad?" If so, the work will be on your shoulders. If you miss him and can learn to accept the little he offers, then continue calling and visiting. Over time, you might find that he's receptive to a closer relationship.

Dear Annie: I am writing in response to "Mr. Mom", who is upset because his ex-wife never wants to see their 13-year-old daughter and he cannot find reliable babysitters so he can go out with his girlfriend. Hello? Most babysitters begin sitting at 13 years old. I did, and so did my friends. His daughter is too old for a sitter, and if she went to her mom's house, she could certainly stay by herself. It's time for them to realise she is not a baby anymore. — Kim in Elkhart, Indiana.

Dear Kim: It's true that many kids start working as babysitters when they are 13 and most are quite capable. However, states have different restrictions on leaving minor children home alone, depending on the maturity of the child, the length of time the child is left alone and at what time of day the parents are gone. Before assuming this particular 13-year-old girl can be left alone, the parents should check their local state guidelines.