Well built, smartly dressed, and well-spoken, "Andy" is a skilled professional in a demanding, macho job, which he does extremely well. Danger is an occupational hazard, but he loves his career and wouldn't change it for the world. Blessed with an attractive personality, he is liked by all who know him. He is comfortable in any social setting and blends easily. As a bachelor he might be considered a "prize catch" - except that he is gay.

While his sexuality is not obvious, he makes no secret of it if asked. It is not that he is ashamed of being gay, he just doesn't think it is necessary to go around proclaiming his sexual orientation. After all, heterosexuals don't. Instead, he long ago accepted that was the way he was born, and since he cannot change it, he simply decided to make the most of himself and his life.

With such a healthy attitude, it is hardly surprising that Andy (not his real name) has experienced fewer difficulties within his family, the workplace, or anywhere else.

"I am the only one of my siblings who is gay, and my family has always treated me the same as everyone else," he says.

Similarly, while his work colleagues, most of whom are heterosexual males, are aware that he is gay, it is not something that is discussed.

"That is one of the things that exists everywhere," Andy says. "People acknowledge people whom they know to be homosexual as long as they are quiet about it and they don't have to deal with seeing them with a boyfriend. In short, they have no trouble with homosexuality unless it's in their face."

Even though he is not obviously gay, and mixes easily wherever he goes, Andy has experienced some of the same social reactions to his homosexuality that others like him have known, and they do irritate him.

"In terms of people liking you, as long as they don't know that you are gay, they will come to your house for years and everything is fine, but the moment they find out you are gay everything changes, yet you are the same person you always were," he says. "It is something other people think about, whereas people who live it don't. The unfortunate thing is that you are then forced to think about your sexuality, and you then have to censor yourself."

He cites as an example being in a social setting where someone tells a gay joke, not realising that he is gay. He then has to decide, based on the company he is in, how he will react.

"You could be having a fine evening and suddenly the joke leads to the revelation that I am gay. At that point everything changes based on people's prejudices. Suddenly, you could become, 'This person is in my house?' I know people who have left Bermuda because of the prejudice. Part of the problem, of course, is that the Island tends to be a very small, closed community."

Indeed, there are all sorts of nuances in living the gay life that heterosexuals do not experience. For example, no-one asks a "straight" person what it is like to be heterosexual, yet they think nothing of asking a homosexual, 'What is it like to be gay?' Similarly, when a heterosexual couple is seen together, the first thought is not, "They're having sex," but when two gays are seen together, it is. In fact, gay relationships are usually not taken seriously.

"Most people think that gay relationships are totally different to heterosexual ones in that they are very short-term, yet I know of people on the Island who have been in longer relationships than heterosexual marriages," Andy says. "When you deal with same-sex couples people think it is only about sex and there is no emotion involved, but in a lot of relationships there is."

His own history is a case in point.

Brought up in a loving household with exactly the same values as his heterosexual siblings, Andy was taught to respect both himself and others, and believe in love and family values. As a result, he has never been a sexual butterfly, and in fact did not become sexually active until he was in his late teens. In all the ensuing years he has limited encounters, and is prepared to wait until the right person comes along because he too wants to commit to a stable, permanent relationship.

"We were never brought up to be frivolous with our emotions. Sleeping with someone is giving them the most precious gift that you have in life - yourself - and you want to be sure that you have found someone who is worthy of that gift."

He admits, however, that Bermuda is a difficult place for gays to meet other gays, except by hanging out in bars and discos, which is why news of the impending Gay Men's Support Group is welcome.

"Finding someone for yourself is really difficult. Because of who we are, we are denied the ritual of dating which, let's face it, prepares you to find someone to spend the rest of your life with. Since we are not allowed to date, when you do find someone, sometimes relating to each other within the confines of that relationship can be hard because you have no previous experience," he says. "Unfortunately, there are some relationships which don't last long because, also without dating experience, you don't spot the warning signs that someone is unsuitable, and it is also difficult to pick up flaws."

When he goes out with his straight male friends, Andy cannot help but compare the freedom they have to approach a girl for a chat, to buy her a drink, or ask her to dance with his own situation.

"As a gay person you are wary about approaching a guy because you are not only thinking you might be barking up the wrong tree, but also you are wondering how it will be perceived by those around you. We are human too," he says.

Stating that gays are found in all walks of life, from board rooms to building sites, wrestling rings to sports fields, Andy points out that they are as varied in gayness and dress as heterosexuals. While some are blatantly camp and dress in an effeminate way, others are so discreet as to be imperceptible, and dress accordingly. In fact, even he cannot always tell if a person is gay, and is often surprised to see who turns up at private gay parties. But at least at such events he can relax and enjoy himself because being with people like him means he does not have to monitor his every word and gesture lest he incur the wrath of an extreme homophobic.

Of the many myths that surround the gay community, some particularly annoy Andy. One is the belief that gays can "convert" straight youngsters, and the other is that someone can automatically tell what a person's sexual orientation is simply by looking at them.

"You cannot convert a straight youth," he says. "A lot of the youth are being fed misconceptions about gays and lesbians as a result of which some are openly hostile. In fact, Bermudians can be extremely narrow minded about certain things, unless they are involved in them themselves.

They decry homosexuality but commit adultery! You cannot look at someone and automatically assume he is homo- or heterosexual any more than you can say he is an abuser of women or an adulterer."

Asked when he first knew he was gay, Andy reaches back to his childhood for the answer.

"In primary school I knew there was something different about me despite all the things I was being told by advertisements and even my own parents. 'That's the sort of person you want to be', they would say, but in my head that didn't seem to be the person I felt I was. When I was eight to ten years old, people would say, 'How can you know you're gay at this age? You must be going through a phase'," he remembers.

Drawing the parallel between children holding hands, he says people would say, "Isn't that sweet" if it was a boy and a girl, but if two boys did the same thing, the reaction was: "There is something wrong there. They must be going through a phase."

Growing up, he was taunted by the other kids, who also called him names, yet he believed his sexuality was his secret. As a young adult, he was often told, 'You need to find a nice girl'.

"But at 12 years old I knew without a doubt that this was not a phase, and I eventually came to a place in my life where I accepted who I was, and realised that it was okay. I told my parents shortly afterwards," he says.

Fortunately for Andy, his family has always been supportive of him as a son and brother, although he imagines they are probably not over the moon about his sexual orientation, and of course he does nothing to make them uncomfortable.

As to what other people may think of him, the under forty-year-old simply isn't interested.

"I have reached a point in my life where I say, 'If my sexuality is a problem for you, that is your problem. I don't wake up next to you, and I am not married to you, so I don't care what you think. All I ask is that you extend to me the same courtesies you would extend to any human being, because that is what I am'."