I AM going to start off this week discussing the very un-culinary topic of shoes. The reason that shoes are on the menu, so to speak, is down to my morning amble along a gorgeous South Shore Beach and the surrounding roads, including the Railway Trail. One thing that I have noticed lately and particularly on the beach is the inordinate number of solo shoes, lying around or tucked behind rocks.

This morning I decided to count them and on the beach alone there were 15 of them, but only ever one never a pair. The array of footwear is indescribable; there is a shoe for every occasion. This morning's selection was the best yet; there were two more shoes without their other half than there were yesterday and also one lonely flipper (or "fin" as I think that they are known nowadays) There was a very well worn tennis shoe encrusted in barnacles and this was snuggling up to what once must have been a delightful gold evening shoe, which had definitely seen better dancing days.

Further along on a step were three different styles of men's sandals that were vying for the attention of a lady's golf shoe a few yards along. As I said the assortment was mind-boggling - most sports were covered along with virtually every form of leisure. More shoes followed in the bushes along the Railway Trail along with various articles of under clothing.

My question is this: Where do all these shoes come from and where are their partners? I find the whole thing intriguing. I know that it is perfectly obvious that probably some of these shoes belong to people partaking in a little hanky panky on the beach (God they must be desperate as it's been so freezing!) but even so do they both hobble home with just one shoe on? I suggest that you be on the look out for these one-shoed people because at least you will have the satisfaction of knowing what these people have been up to!

I suppose that the solo shoe scenario goes hand in glove (so to speak) with the one-sock mystery. How many single socks do you have in your possession? And how many hundreds of them have turned up over the years? You always hang onto them think that the other one will show up - but they never do. Their mates have simply disappeared into thin air. I guess that maybe they have all eloped with the missing shoes and together they have run off to some wondrous foot fetishist haven in the sky somewhere.

I have asked many of my friends if they have a suitable explanation for this great unsolved mystery of all times.

The only one who came up with a half decent justification was my friend John Connell (he is my aging rou? friend who always has a suitable explanation for ambiguous questions such as this one).

His account was plain and simple. Namely, there had at some time been a convention for one-legged people in Bermuda.

The participants of this convention had decided to go swimming and had presumably all drowned. Not a very plausible explanation I must admit, but who knows? You can choose between his or mine, but if you have a better one, please make sure that you let me know. I will never rest in peace until this mystery is solved. Beware all you hanky pankiers - the shoe police is out on patrol!

A couple of weeks ago, another disaster was thankfully averted (this was when the weather was tropical and not Arctic, as it currently is). I was attending a wonderful Bloody Maryish type brunch party on a Sunday. As it was really warm then we were all in our bathing suits and the girlies with dimpled thighs (such as myself) were swathed in gorgeous, all-encompassing parios (cellulite - damn, you'd think that something ending in LITE would be good for you. Fat chance!)

I was just settling in very nicely, immensely enjoying a large glass of this terra cotta nectar, when I felt something flying down the front of my bathing suit.

As I looked down to see what it was, I totally freaked out as I saw that it was a very large bumble bee that should have been hibernating I would have thought. This bee seemed intent in making a nest in my cleavage.

I certainly knew that I didn't need a third bee sting in that particular part of my anatomy and - not being one to expose myself in public - was at a complete loss as to what to do.

There was only one solution and that was to scream blue murder like a mad harridan and to rip down my bathing suit to waist level, hoping that someone would come to my rescue.

You can imagine the faces of the other guests as, of course, no one had any idea as to why I was creating such a public display. I suppose that they thought that I'd either just had too many Bloody Mary's or, more than likely, was just completely bonkers (which I have been known to be at times).

Luckily one of my dear girlfriends was quick off the mark and saved my day and what could have been a most unpleasant experience. First flick hurt me more than it did the bee but, thank God, on second flick he decided to move on to nest elsewhere, leaving me intact! Rather an embarrassing little episode, I would say.

The lunch was a glorious affair with a gastronomic spread to absolutely die for. Unfortunately everyone behaved themselves, so I can't write about any of the misdemeanours of any of my friends. In other words everyone went home with both shoes on!

I would have loved to have given you some of the recipes from this decadent lunch but the hostess in question has refused point blank to reveal any of them so you will have to make do with what I have come up with.

A friend of mine was just telling me about the most amazing Souffl?ed Macaroni and Cheese recipe. She said that it came from Delia Smith (the English cooking guru) but couldn't find the recipe.

I went on-line and got it and made it the other night. Oh my God! This is pure Piggy heaven. Even old Delia says that she's made macaroni and cheese a zillion times but this recipe is the best ever and you will see for yourselves that indeed it is.

This is sheer comfort food at its best and as you know is good on its own, with a salad or served with sliced roasted meat. I hope that you love it as much as I do.

I am leaving tomorrow to go back to snowy Denver (can't be any colder than it is here!) and my gorgeous Billy boy.

Hopefully next week I will have more tales to tell and hopefully not ones pertaining to dreadful airline experiences. I am so excited about seeing the boy again, it's only been three weeks but feels like three years. Oh to be in love...

Serves 2 generous portions - a shallow ovenproof baking dish 8x6x2 - inch lightly buttered. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees

To make this dish for 4 people, just double the ingredients and use a 10 x 8 x 2 - inch dish, increasing the cooking time by 3-5 minutes.

6-ounces macaroni, 3-ounces Mascarpone, 2-ounces Gruy?re, finely grated, 2-ounces Parmesan, finely grated, 1/4 stick butter, 1 medium onion, peeled and finely chopped, 1 heaped tablespoon flour, 1 cup milk, possibly a little more, 1/4 whole nutmeg freshly grated, 2 large egg yolks, lightly beaten and 2 large egg whites, salt and freshly milled black pepper

Begin by having all your ingredients weighed out and the cheeses grated. Fill a large saucepan with 8 cups of water containing a level dessertspoon of salt and put it on the heat to bring to the boil. Then in a small saucepan melt the butter over a gentle heat, add the onions and let them soften, without browning and uncovered, for 5 minutes. Then stir the flour into the pan and make a smooth paste, then gradually add the milk a little at a time, stirring vigorously with a wooden spoon. Then switch to a balloon whisk and keep whisking until you have a smooth sauce. Then add some salt and freshly milled pepper, as well as the nutmeg, and leave the sauce to cool gently for about 5 minutes. After that turn off the heat and whisk in the Mascarpone and egg yolks, followed by the Gruy?re and half the Parmesan.

Next place the baking dish in the oven to heat through, then drop the macaroni into the boiling water and as soon as the water returns to a simmer, give it 4-6 minutes, until al dente (it's going to be cooked second time round in the oven). When it has about 1 minutes cooking time left, whisk the egg whites to soft peaks. Drain the pasta in a colander, give it a good shake and get rid of the water, then tip it back into the pan and stir in the cheese sauce, turning the pasta over in it so evenly coated. Then lightly move in the egg whites, using a cutting and folding movement so as to retain as much air as possible.

Remove the warm dish from the oven, pour the pasta mixture into it, give it a gentle shake to even the top, then scatter the reserved Parmesan over the top and return the dish to the oven on a high shelf for 12 minutes or until the top is puffy and lightly browned. Serve it as they say in Italy, presto pronto!