HIV infections are on the rise again in Bermuda with Aids counsellors reporting that some sufferers are not telling their sex partners that they are at risk. Matthew Taylor talks to one HIV positive woman who was infected by a lover with a secret life.

At an age when she should be looking forward to retirement and enjoying time with her grandchildren, Terri, 61, is coping with the news she has HIV/Aids.

It's a fate that would make most people bitter.

But what makes her most angry is that she was infected by a boyfriend who never gave her any warning she was at risk. He took that secret to the grave.

Now Terri (not her real name) is speaking out in the hope that people, whatever their age, will not be so trusting as her, that they will not ignore the alarm bells in their head but instead take their sexual health in their own hands.

Terri was tested positive in February after her former boyfriend died and her daughter became suspicious about why.

A little digging about his murky druggie past unearthed things she had turned a blind eye to and now she is paying the price.

She recalls: "I'd been off island a few years and made contact with a previous boyfriend when I got back, not knowing what he had been doing while I was away.

"He hid everything from me, never told me the truth, then he died this year."

That death was four years after the four-month hook-up which got Terri infected.

"I was encouraged by my daughter to go and get tested, it said I was positive. I was angry, upset, I felt used."

A friend came to Terri and they cried together. For months she was withdrawn. "I am only just now beginning to accept it, where I can talk about it."

Now when Terri reflects on the relationship she realises there were some tell-tale signs all along.

Her boyfriend's secretive ways caused their split and now Terri is learning more about what he was keeping secret.

She believes he was a heroin user who must have got infected through dirty needles or unsafe sex.

"His moods would change, I never knew why. I would wonder why he would get up at four or five in the morning and go.

"Now I can put two and two together, he was going out to purchase when there wasn't too many people around."

And there were other problems.

"I suggested safe sex a few times but some men don't like to do that. Some people feel 'I have it, so what? I will pass it on to someone else. I am going to die anyway'."

Her boyfriend's uncaring attitude eventually made her leave him. "But it was too late for me by then."

Terri's boyfriend was in his mid 50s when he died. "We found out he had a previous girlfriend from when I was away that I didn't know about who had Aids. She died before he did."

The past few months have been hard for Terri but moping is not her way and she finds activity helps her cope.

"I try to eat sensibly, exercise and not feel sorry for myself and go out and interact with people. If I am at a standstill, in the house it's more bothersome."

Terri feels if she can keep her spirits up then her body has a better chance of staving off the worst of the disease.

She's yet to experience any physical symptoms of HIV/Aids, despite unwittingly carrying the disease for years.

That's all ahead of her although she gets tired more easily now. But the psychological effects are clearly evident. She loses her temper and lashes out far more over small things.

"I feel very angry, I was deceived the anger is easing now. I find peace and comfort in God."

She's avoided men but still harbours hopes of one day getting married with someone who is as honest with her as she will be with them.

"I would like to get married. I would, but it would be open, with someone I can communicate with. No hidden secrets, a very clean, open, honest relationship."

And she hopes if she can take care of herself she can prolong her life.

"You can still live a happy clean life with Aids. I am celibate now."

And she urged others not to rule out abstinence. Everybody needs to be on their guard against Aids says Terri.

"What I suggest to other people is not always take the word of a husband, boyfriend or lover.

"They should be tested on a regular basis. Ask questions, communicate. If I had to do it all over again I would be more insistent.

"Drugs are such a big thing in Bermuda. You have men who will go out and do anything in order to get high.

"Half of them are coming home to women and the women get infected. Or it can be the women on the street doing the same thing to get high. It's really sad.

"People need to be more careful once they get this there's no way they can get rid of it, they will be sick for the rest of their lives."

And she urged women to practice safe sex and read up on the disease which is now on the rise again in Bermuda with new infections nearly tripling since 2002.

Terri is trying to do her bit to raise awareness by recounting her tale in this newspaper.

"I still feel down of course. That's to be expected, but if this interview going to help anyone I don't mind doing it.

"I just hope this information can be crucial to someone else, maybe help save someone else's life."

•For safe sex tips go to www.about.com and for help in dealing with Aids contact Supportive Therapy for Aids Persons and their Relatives (STAR) on 292 5941.