Dear Annie: I’ve been dating “Bonnie” for six months, and it’s been great. We really are ideal for each other. We are in love, and it all seems too good to be true. The problem is that I’m the first person Bonnie has dated since she separated from her husband six years ago. She caters to her kids, and they are extremely spoiled. Her 16-year-old daughter refuses to make her own food or clean her room. She won’t even get herself a drink of water. She’ll call out to her mother, and Bonnie will get her the water just so she’ll stop complaining. The 13-year-old is a mama’s boy.Neither child will accept me, even though we’ve never formally met. They refuse to allow their mother to be happy and want her home with them. Bonnie has met my kids, and they like and respect her. Do I let her children’s immaturity ruin our relationship, or do I stick it out? People tell me it’s just that the kids are teenagers, but I don’t think so. My children are exactly the same ages and don’t behave that way. What do I do? — Lost in New Yor>Dear Lost: Unless Bonnie demands some respect and consideration from her children, she will not get it and neither will you. Bonnie may believe such coddling is a form of love, but in reality, she is being a lazy parent. It’s hard work to properly discipline children and teach them how to be independent, mature, responsible adults, and it’s so much easier to give in and give up, but she is doing them no favours. If you want to stick it out, that’s up to you, but it will be an uphill battle without Bonnie’s cooperatioB>

Dear Annie: <$>After our four-day-old daughter died in the hospital, my husband and I were regular recipients of notes from the hospital saying a donation had been made in our daughter’s name. The donations were from my in-laws. That was a horrible time. We were swamped with bills, my husband was unemployed, I was bedridden from the birth and had a two-year-old to care for, and we had lost a child. Those notices were constant reminders of the desperate times we had suffered through. They came every year until I finally asked my husband to tell his folks to stop having us notified of their donations.More recently, we received a note saying my in-laws had made a gift to the less fortunate in my late husband’s name. My ten-year-old asked whether WE were not less fortunate, having just lost a daddy.

Please tell your readers to be sensitive when sending these gifts. I like to make my own donations and do not appreciate someone else making one on my behalf. — Linda in IllinoisOur condolences on your losses. Many people appreciate these donations and are happy to know their loved ones are remembered. Your in-laws undoubtedly meant well and thought their donations would bring you comfort. Since they didn’t, you were right to ask them to stop notifying you.<

<$>Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, long-time editors of the Ann Landers column.