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Against all odds -- Student's graduation ends 19-year struggle

Woven into the fabric of life are tales of extraordinary courage and achievement. To some, an easy hand is dealt, while others must struggle against seemingly impossible odds to achieve a degree of success.

Such a person is "Mrs. Jane Doe,'' who, at the age of 46, has recently earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Business Administration.

Her achievement has been punctuated by bouts of depression, attempted suicide, and a lack of money. She has cleaned houses, driven a bus, endured freezing winters in unheated accommodation, not known where the next meal was coming from, and suffered the pain of humiliation and rejection.

A lesser individual would have given up years ago, but Jane's deep faith, both in God and herself, has sustained her in the long struggle to get an education.

Mrs. Doe agreed to share her story with Community in the hope that it would not only inspire others to strive for their ideals, but more importantly to help erase the stigma and myths surrounding mental illness. For personal reasons, she requested that we not use her real name.

Like the little engine that could, Jane Doe kept saying to herself, as she relentlessly pursued her dream, "I think I can, I think I can''. Finally, in July, 1993, proudly wearing the graduate's traditional gown and mortarboard, she was able to say: "I knew I could, I knew I could.'' Education has always fascinated Mrs. Doe, for she sees it as an endless journey of discovery, and a passport to greater things.

It is the bedrock upon which her dreams are built.

When pregnancy caused her to drop out of high school in the seventh grade, the teenager promised herself that some day she would complete her education.

Not even a forced marriage at age 16, two more children by age 18, and a divorce at age 22 could change her mind.

Locked, at age 18, into marriage and motherhood with a need to support her family on a limited education, Mrs. Doe turned the only skills she had -- housework and babysitting -- into a "career''.

It was depressing and unfulfilling, and she hated every moment of it. So much so, in fact, that during a trip abroad she attempted to take her life.

"But the Lord spoke to me and said: `Jane, you have beautiful children in Bermuda who need you. Why are you trying to kill yourself?','' she related.

It was one of several attempts she would make on her life before finally being diagnosed and treated for clinical depression caused by a series of traumas in her early life.

Returning to Bermuda, Mrs. Doe became a bus driver. For five years she successfully ferried residents and visitors around the Island, quietly saving what she could. Then came the day she was asked to resign when, following sick leave, the nature of her illness was learned.

"I cried for days when I realised that the stigma of mental illness existed in Bermuda,'' she remembered.

Yet Mrs. Doe lost no time in seeking a silver lining to her cloud. Placing her children in her parents' care, she used her modest savings to enrol in a Detroit school, and in 1979 proudly accepted her high school diploma.

It was a happy chapter indeed -- but only a beginning. The mature student decided she must go on. With a lot of faith and little money, she enrolled in a two-year associate degree programme at Detroit's Wayne Community College.

Through a penpal, she found lodging in a grim basement room with concrete flooring and no central heating. In exchange for cleaning the house and doing the cooking, the alcoholic landlady gave Jane her $30-a-week bus fare for school.

Soon it became necessary to clean other homes in order to survive, but the student was undeterred. In fact, the praise she received from clients boosted her self-esteem -- until clinical depression once more took its toll.

"I went through a very traumatic experience because it was difficult to accept that I had a problem,'' Mrs. Doe recounted. "Here I was, in the middle of my studies, doing business law and accounting, and I was in hospital! I prayed hard to the Lord, and asked him to please get me out of there.'' With proper medication, the eager student was soon on her way. At college, special arrangements were made for her to take her examinations in a quiet atmosphere, and she continued with out-patient therapy.

With just one semester to go, disaster struck again. Jane was flat broke and couldn't pay the fees. A staunch member of the local Seventh Day Adventist church, she turned once more to prayer -- and confided in a friend. Before long her prayers were answered: a kindly doctor in her congregation offered to pay the fees.

"I will never forget the joy of receiving my associate degree in 1983,'' Mrs.

Doe recalled. "I was in my 30s, with no money, and yet I had passed. With determination you make it.'' For some that would have been enough. For Mrs. Doe it was but a milestone. She decided she would go for a full degree.

Successfully negotiating a Bermuda Government scholarship and a student loan, she entered Madonna College in Michigan, and made the Dean's List in her first semester.

Ecstatic, she dropped her medication in a bid to begin a new chapter in her life. It was a decision that would ultimately cost her dearly. Her depression returned, and she had to take time out for treatment. Despite good grades, she failed a crucial final paper and was told by the unsympathetic professor: "You can never make it. You will never graduate.'' "Despite 112 hours of credits, I just dropped out and came home. I looked for work, but it was very difficult,'' Mrs. Doe said.

Again, she would experience the brutal stigma of mental illness. Applying to a bank, Mrs. Doe successfully passed a written examination and two interviews.

Unfortunately, she was out when the job offer was phoned through, and a relative unwittingly let slip that she was out at therapy.

"Sure enough, I didn't get the job, and I was upset for days because I felt so stigmatised,'' she remembered.

Persistent calls to the prospective employer brought no change of heart so Mrs. Doe gave up -- and returned to cleaning houses. Finally, she found work in a book store.

Pleased though she was to have a better job, Jane's goals were still not being met. Six years ago, she joined a large corporate institution.

But the inner restlessness persisted. There was the unfinished business of a full college degree...

Fortunately for Jane, three vital bits of information came to hand almost simultaneously: Atlantic Union College in Massachusetts offered a degree programme which allowed students to work while they studied; they would accept her previous 112 hours of credits; and her employers offered financial assistance to staff pursuing further education.

Thus was she able to set forth on the closing chapter of her dream. It was to prove as difficult as all the others.

In addition to her job, Jane would be obliged to care for an elderly parent with Alzheimer's disease, study in the small hours of the morning, and also struggle for funds.

No matter -- she had been a fighter all her life. Before birth, she had miraculously survived a brutal attack upon her mother. Her childhood was peppered with beatings and domestic violence, and as a young teenager she was badly assaulted by a trusted friend.

The newest obstacles were mere rocks in familiar waters, and would be navigated as successfully as all the others.

With a combination of scholarships from Atlantic Union, the Seventh Day Adventist Church in Bermuda, a bank loan and the employee education programme, Mrs. Doe pressed on. A local teacher provided moral and academic support.

And so it was that in July, 1993, surrounded by friends and relatives, Jane Doe concluded her 19-year struggle by triumphantly stepping forward to receive the coveted Bachelor of Arts degree.

"I was determined that my life should not be wasted, and I hope my story will be an inspiration to others. Despite everything, I have overcome!'' she explained. "No matter what age you are, if you are determined to achieve your goal you will make it. Nothing is impossible.'' Typically, she refuses to accept full credit for her success.

"I give all praise and glory to God for what he brought me through. I could never have made it without His loving support -- or that of my friends and employer,'' she stressed.

As for her courage in sharing the more personal details of her life, Mrs. Doe said she was motivated solely by a desire for change.

"I am tired of the stigma attached to mental illness, which I still experience. People in Bermuda need to be educated to the fact that individuals with such problems can rise to the top,'' she urged. "Just because we are on medication or receiving treatment does not always mean we are lesser individuals. If I have helped even one person to understand this and change their attitude, my story will not have been in vain.'' As to the future, Jane has decided to study for her Master's degree. At work, her sights are set on the management trainee programme, and possibly a teaching post within the organisation, since that is her first love.