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The problem of `Home alone' kids in Bermuda

their two young children home alone while they took a nine-day vacation in Mexico -- a catch phrase for a universal problem: unsupervised children left to take care of themselves while the parents or caregivers are elsewhere.

Does the problem exist in Bermuda? And if so, how prevalent or serious is it? TASTE talked with employees of the Department of Social Services this week to find out.

*** Children are regularly left alone in Bermuda by some parents and caregivers for various reasons -- and yes, parents have even gone abroad for extended stays leaving their children behind, although not quite in the same style that the Illinois couple did.

"Over the last year we have had three situations where children were left in the care of a supposed caregiver but ended up being left in our care after the parent had left the Island, in one case for several months,'' Mrs. Glenda Edwards, supervisor of Social Services, revealed.

"In another instance a pre-adolescent child was left alone with unsuitable arrangements and was subsequently molested by a family friend who knew the child was alone. And in yet another, the youngest child was in our care for several months while we tried to trace the mother.'' But Mrs. Edwards was quick to point out that such behaviour by parents was generally not deliberate.

"Basically, most cases have arisen through improper or inadequate arrangements being made to take care of the children while they're absent rather than simply walking out on them,'' she said.

"In cases where the parent has left the child or children in the care of someone for `a short while' and months later still hasn't returned or tried to get in touch, the caregiver has gotten tired of the financial burden or become concerned about how long the arrangement is going to continue. When they contact us it is not to dump the children on us but to get some financial assistance,'' home resource aide Ms. Diane Simons explained.

Indeed, Social Services is sometimes caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to sorting out the truth about financial arrangements.

"Often, a returning parent will tell us, `I paid this person to look after my child,' but the temporary caregiver says, `I don't know about any arrangement.

I haven't received any money,' '' said Mrs. Edwards. "Or, the parent may tell the temporary caregiver, `I'll give you something now and the rest when I get back.' Then they stay away longer than promised, and the caregiver is left struggling financially.'' Parents often cite "short notice'' as the reason they were unable to make adequate arrangements for the care of their children before going abroad, but the social workers aren't fooled.

"I've only had one person with a genuine reason,'' social worker Mrs. Peri Smith noted. " Basically, people want their trips and nothing is going to stop them.'' But it is not only travelling parents who are guilty of making casual arrangements for the care of their children. Those who are going no further than the local workplace, a disco or football match also follow a similar pattern.

"They will say to someone, `Would you look after my child?' and then assume that everything is okay until they return, but in reality the temporary caregiver feels burdened because they have commitments of their own -- like going to work,'' Mrs. Smith said.

"In one case, the caregiver went out to work and left the child alone.

Eventually, the child went to another apartment to ask for food,'' Mrs.

Edwards related. "In another, a five-year-old and a nine-month-old were left at a friend's house. The mother's excuse was she was going out to look for a phone. When the older child was subsequently found in the street looking for its mother the neighbours got involved and eventually found her in a bar.'' In fact, Mrs. Smith said it was usually an "outside source'' who was concerned about the welfare of the child.

"They see the child on its own for endless periods and contact us. It is not usually the caregiver who complains.'' Social workers said the high divorce rate, the break-up of the extended family, and the end of days when neighbours looked out for one another's children all contributed to the problem of children alone.

"The sense of community is gone,'' social worker Ms. Lana Talbot said.

"People today are unwilling to get involved with other people's children.

They call Social Services instead.'' While some parents cited the necessity to work two jobs in order to make ends meet as the reason for leaving their children alone so much, in the Department's experience such parents seldom acted irresponsibly.

"Most times the real reason children are left alone is because the parents are hanging out,'' the social workers said. "They're doing what they want to do -- going to clubs, bingo games, sports events and so forth.'' The problem was particularly acute among teenage single mothers.

"They have children at 15 or 16, and by the time they're 18 they're bored with motherhood and want to go and have fun so they leave the child with granny,'' Mrs. Smith said. "But the problem today is, the stay-at-home granny with the apron doesn't exist anymore. They're out partying too.'' While all of this looked as if wilful neglect was a way of life in Bermuda, in many instances the problem boiled down to inadequate parenting skills -- particularly among young single parents.

"You have adolescent minds inside adult bodies. Because they are young and inexperienced the girls don't know how to be good parents. It crosses all socio-economic classes. It doesn't seem to matter,'' Mrs. Smith said.

Dysfunctional families were another problem -- where the parent or parents were into substance abuse, leaving the children to cope as best they could.

Where inadequate parental supervision has existed for a long time, distinct social problems often followed, especially among young girls.

"There are many instances where, from an early age, children have virtually brought themselves up, and been treated as mini-adults and virtual surrogate parents: looking after young siblings including babies, cooking meals, cleaning house, doing their homework, getting themselves to and from school, and so forth,'' Ms. Talbot explained.

"Consequently, they become sexually active -- particularly girls -- at a much younger age.

13 is the norm, though some are as young as nine or ten, and they are the most difficult to deal with. They tell you they are women, not girls. Because of the way they grew up, you simply cannot put them back to where the average 13-year-old should be. It's as if they're lost forever.'' Worse, such girls were often the target of young men in their late 20s, which was another problem because the men didn't care about the legal ramifications or anything else -- they liked young girls because they were so compliant.

Another spin-off of children growing up too fast was that some of them abused their siblings.

"Older children who have been looking after their siblings and assuming adult responsibility for a long time often become frustrated and angry. They resent their lack of freedom and take it out on the younger ones by abusing them,'' Ms. Talbot said.

Wild behaviour was another side effect when the first taste of freedom from responsibility arose.

"In one home, where there was substance abuse and the older son was taking care of the younger children, when we removed him to a better environment he went out of control because of his sudden freedom from responsibility,'' Ms.

Talbot said.

Another situation social workers found hard to understand was the casualness with which certain adults "hosted'' a child in their home, often for a few days, without bothering to ask if the child's mother knew of its whereabouts.

Visiting parents are also thoughtless too. More than once, hotel staff have had to break into a guest room to comfort a distressed child whose parents had locked the door and gone out to enjoy themselves.

Parents don't realise that, though they may give no outward indication, children of all ages are genuinely frightened at being home alone, especially at night. Too often, children lack any training in how to act in an emergency, or even answer the door or phone. Very young children frequently don't know their parents' real names, or even their address or telephone number.

Of course, variations on the home alone theme abound, yet challenged, parents will say:"Well, what is the minimum age a child can be left? What is an `unsafe' period -- five minutes? An hour? Three hours?'' Such questions are valid because the answers are subjective and can depend on several factors -- variations in a child's level of maturity, old or vague laws among them.

"Bermuda's Protection of Children Act specifies that you cannot leave a child under the age of ten alone for an unreasonable length of time. The Act is being revised in line with more current thinking so we don't advise that people take that as a guideline,'' Mrs. Edwards said. "Children eight to nine years old left in charge of a two-year-old for an hour would seem unreasonable in light of the child's level of maturity and development.'' So what's the solution? First, the social workers said there were many ways parents could combat the home alone problem: enrolling their children in after-school programmes and other positive group activities, such as those run by church groups, Youth to Youth, the Girl Guides and Scouts, Big Brothers and Sisters of Bermuda, and others. They could also enlist the help of unemployed neighbours and extended family members to supervise their children.

To improve the times when children were alone, all parents should teach their children: Their own full names, addresses and phone numbers. The parents' full name and place of employment, and the name and telephone number of a significant other.

To keep windows and doors locked, and not to open the door (or answer the telephone) in the parents' absence.

How to dial 911 and when to use that number.

In addition, parents should: Leave notes for children explaining what they want them to do before the parents get home -- e.g. homework.

Let the children know what time to expect them home, and tell them if they are going to do something out of the ordinary routine.

Be sure any caregiver is well known to them, capable of dealing with emergencies, trustworthy, honest and reliable.

Be sure the children understand they are to obey the person left in charge of them.

Check back at least once every hour to make sure their children are safe and well.

Before going abroad draw up a specific contract to cover financial and other arrangements with the caregiver.

For those who need guidance in parenting skills, Ms. Talbot said there were several resources available in Bermuda: The Child Development Project (for children under four).

Teen Services (counselling services for teens and parents).

Support groups such as Tough Love and Single Parents in Action (guidelines on how to deal with children and teens).

Child and Adolescent Services (counselling for children with difficult problems).

WATCHING AND WAITING -- Many of Bermuda's children stay home alone while parents work and play, giving rise to a host of social problems. Making better use of structured programmes, social services and support groups are some of the ways parents can improve children's lives. (Models are used in this picture).