This story is about a woman in her 30s, with dependents. She is now a client of The Physical Abuse Centre (PAC). The abuse from her partner had escalated to the extent that she feared for her life and could not return home. She became desperate and is in a terrible crisis.

The counsellor assessed the situation carefully, and determined that intervention was necessary, and this client surely needed protection.

Consequently, the client was immediately admitted to the PAC Safe House. Her employer was fortunately sympathetic to her plight, which helped the situation somewhat. PAC provided her a lawyer. The Police Service also helped, protecting her as she retrieved her personal belongings. Her paramour did not lessen his abusive stance even in the presence of the Police. He refused to let her in and the ugliness reached another plateau. The Police did get her belongings.

During further assessment, the client talked openly about the patterns of abuse and the cycle of violence that dominated her relationship of many years.

Some danger signals were exposed during the conversation and it was clear to the Physical Abuse Centre professionals that her lover held a definite reign of terror. The situation had far-reaching consequences for both her and her children.

Throughout the process of trying to reverse this condition, her paramour continued to harass her on her job and via the telephone. He resorted to contacting the client's co-workers at their homes. This too, meant court intervention. The client's fear of this man was overwhelming. He damaged her car while it was parked in a public place, and verbally assaulted her with a barrage of foul language. He humiliated her without conscience and would have probably caused her grievous bodily harm had it not been for non-approving onlookers. He rules by intimidation and he knows it. He is a manipulator. His first intention was to force her into reconciliation.

The client's safety continued to be the primary issue, as this man was clearly capable of anything. He was a time bomb needing to be defused through the proper channels. She obtained a protection order, and court proceedings were to follow. But by now she was demoralised, embarrassed, and lacked the inner fortitude to challenge wholeheartedly. She needed help! The Physical Abuse Centre counsellor arranged further counselling.

Unfortunately, her situation wasn't made any better by her mixed emotions that sometimes caused her to sympathise with her batterer. She became unhappy and depressed; almost impossible to console. Her counsellor, however, persevered and convinced her that these feelings are not unusual given the circumstances.

The counsellor tried to dispel the notion that she was to blame for what happened, and that somehow her attacker could be excused for his violence. We use a video-tape on Domestic Violence that covers all significant aspects of this `home-spun' abuse. Clear messages were sent, but the client still struggled with her emotions. She's attached! She's in love! She's confused and can't let go. So she elects to reconcile, although she hasn't left the shelter yet.

Her confusion continues, but she has to remember that she has a Protection Order against her paramour. She defies all good advice. She's compelled to see him, to talk to him intimately, and she does. Little is resolved! She finds a new apartment and leaves the Safe House.

He sends her flowers and plays the part so well. He's had so many rehearsals, to him it's just another play.

In a few days, wham, she has black eyes, broken limbs, but says she is in love and can't let go. They reconcile again, he buys her gifts, under the pretext that all will be well after this. It isn't! The next encounter was more violent than the last. This time he beat her and dragged her around like a lifeless rag doll. She retreats again to the Physical Abuse Centre Safe House.

She has been in and out of the shelter many times. Her ray of hope came to an end when she failed to comply with the requirements of her safety and temporary shelter. Battered and bruised, she vows to handle her own situation.

Her paramour is still in her life, still sending her flowers. More significantly, he's still a batterer.

She has to stay with her counselling and so does her lover. It's imperative.

Professionals at the Physical Abuse Centre have convinced them to attend counselling and we have sent them both to a psychiatrist. For now there has been a cease-fire to the violence, but the battle is not over. We wish them well.

The Physical Abuse Centre is a part of the Family Resource Network, which also consists of the coalition for the protection of Children, The Institute of Child & Family Health, P.A.R.E.N.T.S. and The Father's Resource Centre. The agencies joined in 1998 to better serve Bermuda's families with a common goal and shared vision.

If you are aware of anyone open to sharing accommodations, please contact The Physical Abuse Centre at 292-4366.