With so much concern about absent fathers, it?s gratifying to know to know that one Bermudian man is taking safe sex seriously ? perhaps a little too seriously. Hector had to suppress a chuckle when he heard the following outburst from a peeved pharmacist, yelling across the floor of a Hamilton store this week. ?Someone called Troy will be bringing back three boxes of condoms tomorrow. He bought a case and wants to bring back three boxes. He says they?re too thick and asked me if I?d tried them!? she informed a colleague after hanging up the phone on the disgruntled customer. The co-worker responded with a raised eyebrow, asking: ?Couldn?t he have given them to his friends??

Hector regularly loses his cool while wrangling with the temperamental RG photocopier. When the cursed machine isn?t breaking down completely it takes delight in mangling pieces of paper or thirstily demanding toner at roughly two second intervals. So he was pleased to hear that one of Bermuda?s sharpest legal brains is just as fallible as the rest of us when dealing with these pesky machines. After a ticking off from Puisne Justice for a shoddy photocopy presented during a Supreme Court case, a slightly abashed confessed: ?I?ve been having considerable difficulties with the court?s photocopier. It was a considerable challenge. It charges to Chambers. I?m sure Mr. Peniston will not be happy with the bill.? Quizzed by Mrs. Justice Simmons over whether it was the machine at fault or himself, Mr. Woolridge admitted it was definitely a case of human error.

As a series of routine traffic cases wound their way through Magistrates? Court this week, Hector was surprised to hear Crown counsel call for a defendant up on a faulty headlight charge to be chucked in Westgate.The request for a custodial sentence was a joke, however, as the defendant in question was Wayne?s brother, Travis. The Caines in the dock didn?t end up behind bars. But the family affair in Court Two ended when he was fined nearly $2,000 for the defective light and for driving without insurance.

Hector is proud of his street savvy ways. Need to cross the road? Simple, just look left, right, then left again. So how come it is so hard for jet airline pilots? Settling into his seat on an American Airlines flight at JFK, Hector noticed former UBP leader amongst the other Bermuda-bound passengers. Hector gazed out to the left as the plane pulled on to the runway to begin take off, but looking up was startled to spy another airliner rapidly descending towards the very same runway. There was precious little time to calculate whether a stationary plane can actually accelerate away faster than an incoming jet. The AA plane fired up its engines and began motoring down the runway but then abruptly stopped after a few seconds. Hector waited for the crash, bang, wallop. Thankfully someone in the control tower had spotted the double-booked runway at the last minute and ordered the AA plane to slam on the brakes and for the incoming plane to pull up quick sharp. Later, as Hector retrieved his hard-shell suitcase on the carousel at Bermuda International Airport - finding it trashed beyond repair by baggage handlers somewhere along the way - he guessed he should be thankful only the suitcase didn?t arrive unscathed.

Hector was most amused by the painfully earnest advert in from the Ombudsman?s office complaining about a misprint in the telephone office. The office, which investigates claims of Government maladministration, was spelled Obudsman - which obviously had Hector scurrying to the ?O? section of the phone book to check. However neither the correctly spelled or misspelled version could be found. The grievous error, which according to the advert has made it terribly difficult to potential moaners to make contact, is actually found in the ?B? section - under Bermuda Osbudsman?s office along with a host of other acronyms needlessly beginning with word ?Bermuda?. Hector suggests if Arlene Brock is really concerned about spending her days waiting for the phone to ring then she should move her listing to a more suitable letter in the alphabet rather than cater for those who need reminding which island they were living on. And if we are being that picky shouldn?t it be Ombudsperson now we are living in these more enlightened times?