Hector doesn?t know whether to be amused or irritated by Premier Alex Scott?s incessant habit of putting a treacly spin on his ruthless chopping and changing, as evidenced by the reshuffle caused by Education Minister Terry Lister?s hasty exit.

Announcing the sudden demotion of Randy Horton whom Hector can?t recall ever blundering with his Home Affairs portfolio, the Premier went on an aimless tangent about the axed Minister?s moniker. He droned: ?It is said that one has arrived when you can recognise them by only one name. Horton. Even from other outstanding families and family members, there can be little argument, and no question that Minister Kenneth, Howard, Randolph Horton ?has arrived?.? Well it looked to Hector that Horton had just departed. And Hector can?t recall the days when a Minister was referred to by only one name ? every press release normally lists every one of a minister?s middle names before attaching a string of letters signifying every qualification they have achieved and every honourary award they have picked up. Continuing his gushing praise, as he ditched ?Horton?from the job he loved in favour of Derrick Burgess, the Premier explained that ?in sports, education, tourism promotion and political circles, his name is synonymous with achievement.? The remarks had a ring of familiarity about them. Hector dug out a biography of Mr. Horton put out by the Progressive Labour Party before the last General Election. ?In sports, education, tourism promotion and in political circles, his name is...synonymous with achievement,? it read. Evidently the Premier?s inspiration had run out. On Terry Lister, who had earlier tried to assure the assembled media that there ?was no story behind the story?, the Premier listed his previous portfolios but forgot to mention his spell at Environment. He then wrongly credited him with tightening work permits restrictions when in actual fact the plan to boot out expatriates after six years was Paula Cox?s brainchild.

There was a moment of light relief when a mobile went off mid-ceremony playing the familiar theme tune for the Good, The Bad and the Ugly, although it was clearly High Noon for Randy?s hopes of upward elevation. Hector couldn?t help but notice the glum looks on all but Mr. Burgess? face during the ceremony. Certainly Governor Sir John Vereker noticeably winced when an emotional Mr. Horton, sorry that should be just plain old Horton, started quoting Churchill.

New Minister of Labour and Home Affairs Derrick Burgess has already signalled he will have a tough job on his hands dealing with both unions and employers alike. But Hector wonders if he knows just how much of a handful he has taken on with Lisa Trott, President of the Union of Teachers.

The feisty Mrs. Trott told an educational conference this week about her passion for forensic crime shows. She could, she boasted, tell anyone present how to tell if a crime scene has been wiped free of blood ? and how much cyanide it takes to make someone ill as opposed to killing them. ?My ex husband told me he would always sleep with one eye open because I know too many ways to kill someone and make it look like an accident!? quipped Mrs. Trott. Hector looks forward with relish to the first occasion that the BUT and the Ministry lock horns over some labour issue or another. Is Mr. Burgess brave enough to take her on?

Local insurers BF&M seem to be stretching a point in their campaign to stamp out smoking. In a new BF&M ?Health Matters? newsletter, that annoying little blue construction worker encouraged Hector to find his inner nonsmoker.

?Know yourself,? it said. ?Most smokers have situations or feelings called triggers that cause the urge to light up. Common ones are drinking coffee or finishing a meal. Know your triggers and try to avoid them.? Brilliant. So all Hector has to do to stay forever smoke free is never eat again.

Ironically, BF&M would have to shell out more of its precious cash when his malnourished frame finally gave way from hunger than if they had just let him smoke in the first place!

Hector was delighted to hear about the top notch customer service a visitor to the Island received recently. Attempts to withdraw $1,500 from Bank of Bermuda, using his credit card to pay his guest house bill ? the establishment does not take VISA for some reason ? hit a brick wall. The ATM machine was on the blink and despite having identification, he was told by staff inside the Somerset branch to try their rivals, Butterfield Bank. A short walk down the main street led to more head-scratching from bemused bank officials. ?Try the Bank of Bermuda,? helpful staff told the cash-strapped customer.