during which she made a quick little stop in Cadiz, Spain to check on the fiesta to mark the start of the Bermuda leg of the Tall Ships 2000 Race. She's pleased to report the Gombey troupe that Government has taken to jetting about the world with (next stop Philadelphia) was indeed a hit with the Spaniards.

The colourful Island group had the whole crowd kicking up its heels, and when they tried to exit the waterside marquees, everyone followed in a conga line.

But the festivities didn't stop there. The red carpet was rolled out for a VIP dinner for dignitaries and the Tall Ship captains, hosted by none other than the King of Spain himself. Seen flashing his VIP badge about (and reportedly switching hotels because no "suite'' was available at the five-star one he was booked into) was Tourism Minister David Allen , who entered the dining hall like a king, amid tight security. The Minister's regal mood almost soured though, when, horror of horrors, his name was not on the seating list at the entrance. However, Hester's pleased to report, there was a good reason for what could have been an embarassing oversight; Mr. Allen and his gal pal Mid-Ocean News travel writer Shirley Rose Higgins were seated at the King and Queen's table. Hester's sure there was never a dull moment at the numero uno table with our chatty Tourism Minister right opposite His Royal Highness Juan Carlos.

One often has to read between the lines of the dozens of press releases that spew out of The Royal Gazette fax machine, such as this one which left Hester and her newsroom colleagues a little perplexed. One might have thought the esteemed Bermuda College would be a model for good grammar and spelling, alas not. Announcing that the "McGill Bermuda Scholarship Trust'' had awarded its Dudley & Deborah Butterfield Scholarship to Aisha James, the College's PR people went on to list all of the bright young woman's accomplishments. Among them: "Aisha has been a candy stripper at King Edward VIII Hospital''.

Hester's sure the budding doctor has not had to resort to taking her clothes off this early on her path to a medical career! Speaking of Tourism, Hester knows the Minister is trying with all his might to generate good publicity, but she thought a recent travel article in the Boston Sunday Globe went way too far, and was far from factual. On the front page of the leading newspaper's Travel Section was the headline "Bermuda's British Soul''. Ugh! On Camden the article said: "The 36-acre Botanical Gardens on the grounds of Camden, the official residence of the British premier...'' (Not something Ms Smith would find amusing, Hester's sure). On Royalty: "Sometimes -- very hush hush -- they come just to relax on an uncrowded beach and they have been known to order china and crystal as wedding gifts at duty fee prices.'' A saleswoman supposedly told the writer, "We're not supposed to talk about it.

If an unofficial visit gets in the papers, they'll go to Barbados next time.'' Hester knows the Royals are known for their frugality, but come on, saving pennies on fancy plates! On Gardening, the writer says: "Bermudians share the British love of gardens. Every spring, house and garden tours are sponsored by the Garden Club and the National Trust. Ladies wear hats and sip tea as well as ooh and aah over landscaped yards...It's teatime that most establishes the inherent Britishness of Bermuda.'' Well that's not too far from the truth but it's not your average Bermudian, but rather bored Bermudian bluebloods or expatriate housewives who rather fancy themselves To the Manor Born. Personally, Hester prefers a Latte with skim and would never dream of putting her manicured talons in the earth. And as SUNshine tabloid columnist Larry Burchall suggested last week, perhaps the reason the Island's holiday destination competitors are doing so well while Bermuda's tourism industry wallows, is that they sell their own culture not someone else's! Criticism of Government's high-flying Ministers has obviously led to the development of a few raw nerves. And Hester -- despite the rantings of the Colonel cum Senator about the media (shell shock, anyone?) -- is more than pleased to report that Tourism Minister David Allen and Education Minister Milton Scott saved the Country a bit of cash when travelling up to Philadelphia for the inaugural cruise of the Crown Dynasty .

The dynamic duo -- instead of forking out ludicrous sums for air tickets -- chose to slum it in a private jet owned by a Philadelphia-based travel company, instead. Truly a People's Government.

Never at a loss for words Magistrate Carlisle Greaves brought knowing smiles from adults in a juvenile court hearing yesterday by touching on the ridiculous events across de pond. He refused to hear a case of a kid accused of stealing cash and having cannabis because he could not get a guarantee from a foster care worker that the boy's parents or guardians had actually been informed. Mr. Greaves said: "All kinds of human rights conventions prohibit this! At least give them the opportunity to come. The only child I know that can speak for himself is Elian Gonzalez ! Adjourned.'' Touche M, Mr. Greaves, touche M.

The original Sweeney Todd was the demon barber of Fleet Street and gained notoriety for selling off the victims of his cut-throat ways to the pie shop next door. Fleet Street, of course, being the traditional home of English journalism, many may feel the hacks got what they deserved. But one of Hester's dearest chums related a tale yesterday which leads her to believe the owner of the Sweeney Todd namesake barber shop in Front Street's Emporium Building is a bit more of a sweetie than the original. The chap, one of Hester's more hirsute friends -- and she just loves a man with facial hair -- popped into the small but splendid establishment yesterday to have his whiskers chopped.

And the man behind the chair absolutely refused to take any money for the quick trim job. Hats -- and beards -- off to Sweeney Todd, says Hester.

Hester can be contacted confidentially at e-mail dearhester yhotmail.com