Question: I’m a divorced mom of two girls, ages 13 and 10. I’ve been with my boyfriend for six years. He also has a 13-year-old daughter, and she comes to visit once a week and every other weekend. She’s very challenging and an only child. She’s odd, disrespectful and doesn’t have any interests or friends. At our house, she’ll sneak around and listen to “grown-up conversations” that aren’t her concern.She clearly doesn’t like me, but she expects my family to accept her. They’ve greeted her with open arms, but they also have noted that she’s odd. She shares a room with my 10-year-old, but she expects to have her own room. She wants her Mom and Dad to be back together, and I understand most children want that, but her Dad told her that wasn’t going to happen and I’m in his life for good.I’d like to have this girl as another daughter, but I can’t get past her “spoiled” personality. We invited her to bring a friend to go bowling. She told us the girl couldn’t go because we only gave her two days’ notice, which I don’t understand. She won’t bring anything home to her house, so any presents she receives stay here. She’s told her Mom that she doesn’t like me, and I feel betrayed. She comes here, sleeps in my house, eats my food and goes on cruises with us.Am I wrong to expect the girl to try to get along with us, even though she only likes my 10 year old? How should I treat her when she’s here? We’re civil to each other, but beyond that ... if we never saw each other again, it would be OK.Answer: Your boyfriend’s daughter is going through some difficult times. And although she may act spoiled, I’m guessing her struggles are much more in-depth than are apparent. She probably feels betrayed by her dad choosing another partner and feels unfaithful to her own mother if she lets herself get close to you. She has her own room at home and your 13-year-old probably has her own room, so no doubt she’s feeling second place to your children. She’s accustomed to being the centre of attention at home. And it’s even possible that her mother confides in her, thus causing her to feel adult-like. That could be the reason she’s attracted to your adult conversations. She may want to learn information that she can share with her mother.Of course, I could be all wrong about my guesses regarding her close relationship with her mom, but we can at least imagine the struggle she’s having. If she’s not very skilled socially, she may have been hesitant to even invite a friend for bowling, and she may have used the two-day notice as a cover-up for her own embarrassment.This girl could be having serious worries, and a lack of gratitude to you may be the least of her problems.I hope her parents have arranged for her to get some counselling. From my own experiences when counselling young adolescents who have experienced divorce, I can assure you that their emotional traumas often feel overwhelming.