robbed of their identity. And they have seen the disastrous legacy of abuse on their children. October is Domestic Violence Month, and last week Royal Gazette reporter Marcus Day went to the Physical Abuse Centre to speak to two victims -- and survivors -- of abuse. The women's names have been changed.

*** CAROLINE'S STORY Caroline thought she was going crazy.

Her nerves shredded and her body bruised, spiders appeared to be crawling before her.

Other objects -- creatures -- would also suddenly dance into view; her mind was playing the weirdest tricks.

There were many times, though, when hallucinations yielded to a shape which loomed all too large and frighteningly real. It would be her husband, occasionally brandishing a machete, occasionally just charging her with his fists.

Sometimes he would kick her, sometimes head-butt her until she bled.

And, almost inevitably, there were times when he would pin her down and rape her, ignoring the cries of "no, no no!''.

Caroline recalls one of the more savage assaults.

She has probably done so countless times to psychiatrists, doctors and counsellors. But her eyes still mist over as she speaks.

"I almost lost my baby -- my last son -- after being kicked, punched, slapped and beaten.

"I conceived the child when I was raped and I almost died because of the constant abuse during the pregnancy. They had to give me a Caesarean section.'' The final beating -- the one which drove her from the house -- was an even bloodier affair.

"I literally left the home bleeding. I was black and blue for weeks.'' The mother-of-five had been with her first husband, a construction worker, for ten, 11 or 12 years; she is not sure how long.

It was a marriage which brought her four kids, two boys and two girls. And it took her to hell and back.

"Most of the time I was hallucinating because of the abuse. I saw things which weren't there, especially spiders.

"I would go into another world and try to shut out what was happening.'' It had not always been that way, of course. Even with hindsight, Caroline is hard-pressed to find clues which would have forewarned her of the horrors ahead.

"My husband was a completely different person to start with. He was a hard worker, but drink and gambling were his problems.

"After we got married we began to argue about money and a lot of little things, which gradually built up.

"He would want to know why his shirt wasn't ironed and starched, and why the food wasn't ready. He blamed me for everything.

"To be honest, I don't think he thought very much of himself. He gave up too easily.'' The frustrations -- fuelled by drink and money problems -- soon translated into violence.

On the day she left, her husband wielded a machete and warned: "If you walk out the door I will chop anything that comes in my way.'' To Caroline the abuse had left a disastrous legacy, which went beyond the bruises and cuts.

"It affected my kids and that's what hurts so much. My youngest son had a speech impediment, a stammer, which followed the convulsions he had as a baby of five or six weeks.

"And one of my daughters had to go to a therapist. She got into trouble through drugs.'' Caroline's second marriage followed a disastrously similar pattern.

"It was just as bad. My children warned me not to marry, but I did not face the reality of why I married.

"I thought it was for love. I really wanted someone to bring up my kids and I wanted to buy a home.'' It wasn't long before the husband began attacking her kids -- as a way of getting at her. And even worse was to follow.

"He tried to rape my daughter when she was 15 or 16. I was away at the time, but I sensed something was wrong,'' she says, a look of disgust on her face.

"This sick man got into bed with my daughter and tried to interfere with her.

She has not been the same since.

"My husband was younger than I was and I always had a fear of him getting fresh with the girlfriends of my daughter.'' She adds: "My second husband had a split personality. I did not find this out until after we married.

"He used to physically and mentally abuse me and once he went to court for assault and was locked up.

"Whenever he could not take it out on the kids he took it out on me. He would like to control everything and had this attitude `I'm the man of the house, and I can do what I want'.'' The marriage -- less than a year old -- ended like the first one, with a ferocious beating.

The Police were called after Caroline was taken to hospital, battered and severely bruised.

"Half my left side was black and blue. I was like that for two months.'' She adds: "I was raped of my whole identity through the constant abuse, both mental and physical.

"I went from a smiling joyful person to a shrivelled raisin in my mind. I couldn't cope.

"I lived in a psychiatrist's chair, I lived on medication and Valium and I even thought of suicide.'' The look on Caroline's face lightens as she says: "Walking away from both my marriages was the strongest thing I've ever done.

"I walked away with nothing but my bruises. I had nothing and I started all over again, but I have come through.

"I would say to any woman who is abused: Take a walk and give yourself time out.'' Caroline says she has now recovered her self-respect and self-esteem.

"I had a stroke last year brought on by all the abuse, but now I am healing.'' ABUSED -- Caroline and Jayne (not their real names) told their story of abuse to The Royal Gazette .