A great many people are dolts, as you may have heard. Such is both my opinion and a verifiable fact, as I shall now prove to you. Two examples will suffice: airport security and, more relevantly to a financial column, many of the international financial authorities. Fools staff these agencies, I believe.

Let's start with airport security. As you know, a bunch of psychotics hijacked some planes six years ago and flew them into buildings in the US.

The response of the authorities was initially sensible and, later, just plain stupid. Faced with a handful of terrorists among tens of millions of non-terrorist air passengers, the powers that be declared that the easiest way to deal with the problem would be to treat all air passengers as terrorists. That way, they could be certain of treating the terrorists as terrorists.

That is the kind of faulty logic often employed in the medical profession.

Got a damaged fingernail? Off with your arm! Then you won't have a damaged fingernail any more. That'll be $75,000, thank you and good afternoon.

Enter stage left Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who has called for Israel to be "wiped off the map" and the "annihilation of the Zionist regime." He is sounding like the real thing: a racist lunatic.

Yet he was allowed to fly half-way round the world to visit the United Nations to pour out his hatred and wrath. A foaming-at-the-mouth imbecile, Ahminadinnerjacket was waved straight through airport security, while 90-year-old grandmothers en route to see their families were being given the third degree at airports all over the free world. Clueless.

The idea of locking Ahmanutjob up and letting the grannies go about their business quietly and with dignity was never on the agenda, because - and here I cannot resist saying 'I told you so' - the people who run airport security in the US are morons, in my opinion.

(If, like one reader, you think I've become a curmudgeon, how would you feel if the President of Iran had proposed violently killing all Bermudians?)

Mention of pin-brains brings us on to certain of the global financial authorities. Not long ago, it dawned on them that terrorists use money. Not stopping for a second to consider what course of action might be suitable, the financial authorities deemed everyone with any money a potential financier of terrorism.

Law upon law was piled on, rendering those with legitimate business interests virtually paralysed, in the name of cutting down on terrorist financing.

The idea that the terrorists would have gone to an all-cash position never crossed anyone's mind, apparently. Now the rest of us are all but crippled in our daily financial dealings, while the terrorists get away with their murderous activities scot-free.

The Americans led the way. They introduced the Patriot Act, which formally declared all of us guilty. Did you know that the Act wasn't just named for patriotism?

I didn't either. It stands for the Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act, a snappy title if ever I heard one. It is therefore correctly to be referred to as the USA PATRIOT Act. I can assure you that more thought went into that title than into the consequences of the Act itself.

In reality, the Act stands for making commerce less operationally doable (it should, therefore, be called the CLOD Act) or downright impossible for non-terrorists. Here's a little story to back up my views.

A couple of years ago, a friend started going on about an investment idea he favoured. He wouldn't shut up about it, so to keep him quiet, I sank a little money into it. Neither he nor the company in which I had invested ever mentioned it again, which was kind of a blessing, until last week, when I received an e-mail telling me that some of my money was coming back to me.

You'd think this was good news, but it turned into a nightmare because, as a person about to receive money, I automatically fell into the category of international money launderer.

Since my dough was to be repaid in dribs and drabs, I would (a) be seen as a regular sponsor of terrorism and (b) lose any profit I might have made though multiple bank charges, wire transfer fees, foreign currency purchase taxes and the like. My good fortune completely ruined my week.

I was able to refuse to accept payment until all the money was available, at which time I will pay one set of fees only. Smart thinking, eh?

But then it turned out I didn't have any way of accepting my money when it comes back. It was being sent from another country, you see, so my overseas bank in a third country point blank refused to accept it.

My bankers over there have known me for 15 years, and although the pen is mightier than the suicide bomb, they know I'm not a terrorist fanatic. I'm more your common or garden completely harmless regular fanatic.

Still, the bank couldn't help, and so I shall have to pay to have the money shipped to Bermuda and then pay again to have it shipped back to where I, the customer, would like it to go in the first place.

Meanwhile, Osama bin Laden is sitting in a cave somewhere laughing his newly dyed beard off. His entirely terrorist business activities take place in countries where they don't have a lot of rules, so he's a happy man. It's only the innocent who must suffer the slings and wire transfer fees of outrageous fortune.

So now you know.

Feeble-minded clowns have taken command of the world's response to terrorism, and off come our shoes every time we fly somewhere.

Equally dopey losers have taken over many of the global financial authorities and off come your fees and charges every time you send your auntie five dollars for Christmas.

The good guys lose, terrorism is not dented one jot, and thousands of jobsworths go about ticking boxes and making up new rules to increase the misery of the non-terrorist faction, i.e. almost everyone.

The financial lesson for this week was contained earlier. Try to minimise your cash flows, to cut down on unnecessary charges and costs.

Eighty-five dollars paid for a wire transfer is a reverse every bit as ugly as $85 lost on a share transaction.

Think smart, act smart, and if all else fails, become a terrorist. They don't pay any bank charges at all.