Jahma Gibbons the man who started Stand Up Bermuda is homeless, living in a tent, desperately seeking employment and on the eve of what should be a Merry Christmas finds himself distraught and unable to even buy presents for his two children.The 34-year-old Bermudian who admits that he was once a gang member who sold drugs is now questioning his own sense of purpose.“How can I support the message I have shared throughout local schools and the message I share with prison inmates, when I can’t find a job to support myself or find somewhere to live.“I have two daughters, an eleven and five year old and have not been able to support them,” he told The Royal Gazette. “I have been trying to find employment since I came back to Bermuda last July, I have a case worker at the Department of Labour and Training, I call, looking for work daily.”“As a Bermudian it really upsets me, not only because I’m a Bermudian who cannot find work in my own country, but because of the reasons for my return.”“I came back to Bermuda to make a difference, to discourage young people from choosing the wrong path,” he said. “I don’t have a criminal record, and I know right now with the way things are it’s really hard to find a job.”“But how can I justify the message of doing what’s right when I can’t even support myself legitimately.”“I’ve had no success in finding work, I have a heavy truck licence, a minibus licence, I am a skilled labourer, I have a certificate for asbestos removal, I am willing to do landscaping, be a waiter, anything that will provide me with an honest income.”“I’m going through hell,” he said, “I’ve been living in a tent for the past three months and realistically I know when I was selling drugs I wasn’t living like this.”And even though he has nowhere to go on Christmas Day he is most upset by the fact that without money he cannot buy something for his children.The bottom line he said, “I need help. This will be the first time I won’t be able to buy them anything for Christmas, the first time ever.“I don’t sell drugs anymore, I got out of that gang lifestyle because I wanted to do something positive.“When I was dealing I wasn’t living like this, and I refuse to go back to that lifestyle, but the reality is I’m having great difficulty just to survive.”Gibbons went on to say what makes it harder is the fact that he’s been telling prison inmates and school aged children that there’s a better way to live life without choosing the fast lane that goes with ill gotten gains.“But how can I really keep doing that and believe it myself when I look at what I’m really going through.”“I tell them to find a better way,” he said. “I thought that’s what I was doing but look at how I’m living today.”When it comes to a job he said he is willing to do whatever it takes.Gibbons said two politicians have come to his aid, one is trying to get him in the Emergency Housing Unit down at Southside, the other tops up his cell phone and lets him eat at his business establishment.“Without a job it’s hard to find a place to live,” he said “and without a place to live it’s hard to find a job.”But his biggest dilemma this weekend is the burning desire to just buy small gifts for his two girls.“If there’s anyone out there willing to assist,” he said, “please make contact by calling 732-8132.”