Dear Dr Nekia,

Why does my girlfriend have to get all done up just to go to the gym? She loves to work out and keep fit. She has done a good job at losing 50lb and I am proud of her, but ever since losing the weight she has changed.

I used to like that she was laid-back in her appearance and could throw on a pair of jeans, put her hair in a ponytail, and be out the door in ten minutes.

To me that was sexy, but now she takes no less than 45 minutes to get ready to go places, and even more annoying is that she has to look perfect when going to the gym. I mean the whole nine — make-up, outfit, perfume, and not a hair out of place.

Sometimes I think she is doing it for attention from other guys. What do you think?

Sincerely, She’s Changing

Dear She’s Changing,

It seems as though your girlfriend has found a boost of confidence in herself.

Oftentimes when women lose weight, they go through a period of adjustment where they want to show off their new bodies.

Many women who are overweight and unhappy with their bodies feel so badly that they do not put very much effort into their appearance. However, once they begin to see their bodies changing into what they believe to be more attractive, they naturally get a boost in self-esteem and choose to reflect that boost in a way that directly mirrors the cause of it.

In this case of body image, they choose to share their new-found confidence by taking more pride in how they physically appear to the world.

Because she is paying particular attention to looking good at the gym, this may be because she has a strong attachment to the realisation that exercising is responsible for her happiness. Much like someone who is successful in a hobby, a sport, or a career, she may be investing in the activity that is most fulfilling to her.

You may want to ask yourself if the real issue here is whether your girlfriend is changing for the worse, or whether it is that you feel a bit threatened by the changes that she is making.

Undoubtedly, fitness and confidence bring increased attention from other males and the prospect of this may be bothering you as well.

Dear Dr Nekia,

Should we stop having sex? My man and I just started becoming intimate but I noticed that I would spot a bit after sex and a bad odour would come for days after. We both got checked out and the doctors suspected infections but all of our tests came back negative.

I’m not sure what is going on because the doctors cannot tell me anything and neither one of us has ever had this problem before. He doesn’t seem to mind it as much as it bothers me, but then again he is not the one who has to live with the symptoms.

I am beginning to not even want to have sex with him anymore. What should I do and what could this be?

Sincerely, The Odour Is Not Sexy

Dear The Odour Is Not Sexy,

It is good that you both have eliminated the possibility of infections. I would assume that further tests were done to eliminate other health issues that could be causing the problem.

If so, then you may be experiencing something that happens between partners at times. The chemical make-up of you combined with his could be throwing off the pH balance of your genitals. Some women experience this as spotting, burning, itching, and odour.

This occurrence is unfamiliar to most people and is often misdiagnosed as being an STI or a yeast infection but antibiotics will prove to be ineffective.

I do not publicly promote the use of any one brand of product over another, however, since your doctors cannot be of any further help to you, you should see a natural health practitioner who can give you safe alternatives to douches and harsh medications. Often, natural remedies are gentle enough to be effectively used on a daily basis to help to prevent and resolve any imbalances that may be going on which is leading to this unfavourable reaction.

Dear Dr Nekia,

Should I limit how much time my son spends with his dad? Over the past few months my ten-year-old has turned from being a loving son to being very disrespectful towards me and his sister. We have a generally good relationship so I asked him if anything was wrong and what could be the cause of his attitude change.

He has told me several times that his father says nasty things about me and women in general. For example, he tells him how all women are liars and that he should never trust a woman.

He has said other crude things that are much worse and I do not know what to do. His father and I do not get along very well, so talking to him about it only makes the situation worse. I am to the point where I just want to limit or stop the time that they spend together, but I hate to know that my son will go without his father completely.

Sincerely, Daddy’s Being A Bad Influence

Dear Daddy’s Being A Bad Influence,

This is most definitely a sensitive situation whereby the mental wellness of the child is at risk. I do not think that we as adults stop to think of the long-term damaging effects that our words and actions have on impressionable children.

We are greatly responsible for their outlook on the world and everything in it, but most often we are unaware of our unintentional damage.

Since further discussion between you and the father is not an option and your son is beginning to act upon the negative ideas he is being taught, you will want to seek the input and services of a mediator.

It is best for a child to be raised by both mother and father but it is also your duty to protect your child’s wellbeing and, unfortunately, depending on how unreasonable the father is, you may need to go through the courts to resolve this issue.

Child abuse comes in many forms and often it is not physical.

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