Dear Dr Nekia,

I have been have recurring dreams about being pregnant with twins. My husband and I have not really been trying to get pregnant, but we have not been exactly avoiding it either (I am off the pill). The thing is, my dreams seem so real! I see everything so clearly, often wake up feeling a sensation in my belly, and when I realise that I am awake and not pregnant, a sense of sadness comes over me. What could all of this mean?

Sincerely,

Dreaming Pregnant

Dear Dreaming Pregnant,

What you are referring to is a form of dreaming called lucid dreaming.

It is where you are able to experience dreams with as much sensation as you do while you are awake. Science has show that the brain is very active at this time, and it is possible for individuals to navigate through their dreams with intent.

Meaning, you can control your dreams, what you say, and what you do just like you do in your daily life. Some are naturals at this and some can do simple exercises that will help them to be able to do this.

It is also generally believed that these kinds of dreams are an alternate reality. Many play out scenarios in their dream state because you can see possible outcomes without committing to them.

It is somewhat like trying on a wig to see what a new hairstyle will look like. Such dreams also can serve to warn us of present but not known, unfolding, or upcoming events our unconscious minds are tapping into — the daily “junk” information that we take in but our brain files away without our knowing.

Have fun with it, relax, and tell yourself before going to bed that it is okay to have these experiences, that they are not going to harm you. Once you become more at ease with your dream experiences, your initial uneasiness upon waking will subside.

Dear Dr Nekia,

My daughter’s father and I have been fighting lately. My daughter attends public school and they have sent a warning notice home saying she is overweight.

Her father is taking it out on me, saying I do not enforce proper eating habits. I feel very offended. I try my best with my daughter but honestly her body type follows along with much of the women on both sides of the family. I am not making excuses.

I do allow treats but they are making it seem as though that all I feed her is junk. Plus, do they not understand how expensive it is to eat healthy? I cannot afford fresh fruits and veggies every week so I get what I can, when I can. Why are they acting as if I am abusing my child?

Yes, we should educate everyone about proper diet and nutrition, but I feel that they are overstepping their bounds by expecting every child to be skinny; to fit one body type and one fitness level. My daughter may be a little overweight but her physical exams come back clear and healthy.

Sincerely,

Offended Parent

Dear Offended Parent,

While I do agree also that proper nutrition and fitness should be taught in schools and within the community, I also agree that if the government and schools are going to go as far as to threaten and enforce certain dietary habits, they should provide free and affordable lifestyle programmes to the community.

Times are hard and they should not expect parents to do it alone. The cost of living and food is sky rocketing, while jobs and salaries are not increasing to meet these demands.

Maybe for each child a grocery allowance or discount can be given on fresh fruit and veggies, for example. It is no secret that in developed countries, obesity is linked to poverty.

Stress and poor nutritional and fitness habits are to blame. I do understand your frustrations. How are parents to cope when unhealthy foods are so much more affordable and government has cut back on funding for sports, community centres, and after school programmes?

Likewise, if your daughter is healthy then this should be taken into consideration. Our children need to also be taught that there are a multitude of body types out there and that being skinny does not necessarily mean healthy, and being a little heavier does not mean unhealthy.

They should be taught to embrace beauty of all body types. I have heard of the increase in bullying and teasing in schools because certain limited body image ideals are being taught and reinforced within our schools. This is very dangerous.

Dear Dr Nekia,

Is it possible to be attracted to someone of the same sex without being gay?

Sincerely,

Curious

Dear Curious,

Yes this is possible. First we must remember that human sexuality exists on a continuum. In other words, it is not either or much like temperature exists on a continuum. Temperature has varying degrees of heat and coolness, so does human sexuality.

There are varying degrees of homosexuality and heterosexuality. Labels such as gay and straight do very little to accurately describe or reflect the truth about our sexual nature as humans.

They are used to categorise and label for purposes of measures of normalcy and morality. These parameters of normalcy and morality are not absolute, but reflect the beliefs and agenda of the day.

Theories are then proposed as valid explanations as to why these parameters are true, but this is just another example of absolutism based upon nothing much like bank notes exist for the purpose of commerce, but are now not backed by anything.

Therefore, I as a woman or you as a man can be attracted to someone of the same sex without being labelled as gay. Humans are often attracted to good-looking people, places, and things as well as the energy that they carry.

Try not to get caught up so much in whether or not you or someone else is straight or gay. Explore and enjoy your sexuality in healthy fulfilling ways, and leave the labels for envelopes and food cans.