Recently, I have been doing assessments of parenting capacity. One of the tests I use has been around for some time, but it provides some good information about the levels of stress that a parent experiences in the course of raising a child. It is called the Parenting Stress Index. This is a self-report instrument consisting of two domains: the "child" and the "parent". It evaluates the levels of stress in the parent-child relationship, and thus in the family system, and also establishes markers for understanding the total burden of subjective stress experienced by the respondent, thus the challenge inherent in parenting.

According to Western Psychological Services, a company that distributes the test: "The Parenting Stress Index (PSI) quickly screens for stress in the parent-child relationship. It identifies dysfunctional parenting and predicts the potential for parental behaviour problems and child adjustment difficulties within the family system. While its primary focus is on the preschool child, the PSI can be used with parents whose children are 12 years of age or younger."

In the child domain the sub-scales explore how distractible or hyperactive a parent experiences his or her child to be, how adaptable the child is, how much the child reinforces the parent in their role of parenting, how demanding the child can be, how given to unhappiness or whining dependency the child might be, and last, to what degree the child matches the expectations the parents had for how physically attractive, intellectually competent, emotionally stable, or relationally connected the child actually turned out to be.

In the parent domain, scores relate to the parental functioning. The sub-scales include the level of competence as a parent that parents actually experience; thus, according to the manual, "…parents who are lacking in practical child development knowledge or who possess a limited range of child management skills…" will earn high scores. The isolation sub-scale measures to what degree a parent feels alone with the task of parenting. The attachment sub-scale measures the degree to which a parent feels emotional closeness to a child and/or the parent's inability to perceive the child's feelings or needs. The health sub-scale evaluates the parent's physical health. The role restriction sub-scale addresses the degree to which a parent feels free to maintain his or her own identity in the face of the demanding obligations of parenting. The depression sub-scale identifies the presence of depressive symptoms, and the spouse sub-scale measures the degree to which one parent experiences the other as cooperative and supportive.

The PSI is also a good measure of overall life stress for those involved in a parenting responsibility within some form of a family system. Many times when people are struggling under a load of stress, it is not absolutely clear what factors are contributing to the subjective sense of being overwhelmed. A person might find him or herself lashing out at family members, diving into depression, avoiding contact, or self-medicating with alcohol or other substances (such as spending, eating, gambling, or sex). Having a professional evaluate the level of stress a person is experiencing, whether it be by using the PSI, some other instrument (such a those that measure one's subjective sense of the quality of life), or simply through clinical interview can often lead to specific actions that help disperse the stress.

In my life I disperse stress using a combination of spiritual approaches. These are actually both considered, or can be considered, spiritual approaches even though one of them is the darling of clinical psychology these days. In part I am speaking of "mindfulness". Mindfulness is actually a clinical application of Buddhist thought. So, how is it that I combine something that came from Buddhism with something that is straight out of the Bible and part of a Christian approach to living? Have I, as one of my former colleagues and friends accused me one day, become "New Age?" Not even. In fact, I'm quite old age.

In a mindful approach one focuses one's attention on what is currently happening and takes in all that is perceptually available in regards to it. As described in the Wikipedia, "Jon Kabat-Zinn developed the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) over a ten-year period at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. He defined the essence of MBSR by saying that it involves the regular, disciplined practice of moment-to-moment awareness, the complete "owning" of each moment of your experience.

This fits well with those parts of the Bible that recommend taking one day at a time. As Jesus told His disciples during the Sermon on the Mount, "…I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body as to what you will put on. Is life not more than food, and the body more than clothing?...So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6: 25-34)

I take the process spirituality of Buddhism, which is entirely consistent with what Jesus said – focus on this day, this moment. I combine that with the relational spirituality of Christianity, and specifically with what Paul of Tarsus said about giving God control through prayer over those things about which I am prone to worry, and focusing on whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, whatever smacks of excellence and is worthy of praise (Philippians 4: 4-9).

In order to make this even more powerful, I give myself something of physical, perceptual beauty upon which to focus. For me, this is most helpful when the beauty is also something God has made.

Thus, I am focused on what is good, and I am mindful of it, intensifying my awareness of it in the current moment, filling my whole being with it. Because it is beautiful, it is pleasurable and positive.

Because it is God made, it transports me beyond my current, "this-life-only-perspective".

When stress seems to become too much, it helps to understand what is contributing to it, and it helps to lift one's gaze above the strife to see what else is available in one's current moment. You don't have to know God or believe in God to do this, but you can consider it one of God's "home remedies".

Contact Dr. Brownell: phil@benedict.bm; www.doctorbrownell.gtib.org