GEORGE W. Bush earlier this week gave Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein and his sons 48 hours to get out of Iraq. In his speech on television, President Bush made no mention of Hussein's three daughters, which I find peculiar.

Are the girls allowed to stay in Iraq? Do they pose no potential threat because they are females in a Muslim country, or because they are just female?

As I write, America is about to go to war with Iraq, and things are getting a little crazy. Certain words are now banned and The Dixie Chicks are no longer played on the airways because they publicly criticised President Bush.

Criticising George W. Bush is no longer allowed. Bearing this in mind, conversation is a little short around here in Boston. With the opportunity gone to criticise you know who, there isn't much to talk about. While most countries would be using this time to collect friends and allies, America is busy offloading friends. The French, for example, are gone from the American lexicon. Ah, who needs the French anyway? They're lovers, not fighters.

The news reported that the French have always been in cahoots with Saddam Hussein. Hussein and French President Jacques Chirac are best buddies. Anyway, I am committing a major social faux-pas just by using the word "French".

Mr. Chirac is no longer the French President, he is the Freedom President. He has to be, because the "F-word" is no longer allowed in America. All things previously known as French are now known as Freedom (unofficially, anyway).

The logistics of this boggles the mind. Could I have some salt on my freedom fries, please?. What about the dog? Freedom Poodles? The hairstyle - the Freedom Braid. You will now be able to buy a tin of Freedom Cut beans.

Thankfully, the "freedom" thing has yet to reach Boston. We already have enough Freedoms to deal with - The Freedom Trail, for instance. The toast at The Cheesecake Factory is still French (yum!).

I tried asking for Freedom Toast, but the waitress didn't know what I was talking about. I'm a little sad, though. I always wanted to see the Statue of Liberty in New York. Now, I guess I never will. It only goes to reason that if America and France are no longer friends, then the statue must go.

After all, the Statue of Liberty was a gift from the people of France, to the people of America. It was built in recognition of the friendship established between the two countries during the American Revolution.

The Statue of Liberty was completed in 1886 and was designed by sculptor Frederic Auguste Bartholdi and Alexandre Gustave Eiffel (designer of the Eiffel Tower).

America was responsible for building the pedestal, and the French were responsible for the statue and its assembly in the United States.

Both countries raised money by holding theatrical events, lotteries and boxing matches. In fact, the Statue of Liberty is French-born, as she was constructed in France and then shipped to America on a frigate. Does The Statue of Liberty have a green card, I wonder? Shades of Gerard Depardieu.

So it follows that if France and the United States are no longer friends, then the United States of America cannot keep the Statue of Liberty. They will have to dismantle it and send it home with a little note to say: "Sorry, French things no longer allowed."

America can keep the pedestal, though. That part is theirs, at least. If you don't believe me, check out http: www.nps.gov/stli/prod02.htm for more information.