to determine how healthy your marriage or relationship is. If you answer `yes' to all of the questions, then your relationship is probably doing well. But since many relationships are far from perfect, use the information about each question to identify what aspects of your relationship need attention.

1. Do you value yourself and your feelings? (You must value yourself, your needs and feelings to relate those to another.) 2. Do each of you accept the other as you are without condition? (In order to have a healthy relationship, you need to accept the other person as he or she is. Accepting the other person's uniqueness sends positive messages.) 3. Do each of you believe the other is truthful and not holding back information? (To be honest and direct with each other is essential. To share honestly feelings and ideas involves taking some risks. Honesty sets the foundation to build trust.) 4. Do each of you feel the freedom to express your needs openly? (You need to express to one another how you feel. It can be verbal or physical. Some of the most intimate experiences may be a word or phrase stated at the right time, a look across a room or a touch on the shoulder. Intimacy takes continual effort and emphasis.) 5. Do each of you tell the other what you like about them on a regular basis? (Words of affirmation such as `You have these qualities and I like that about you. You are a good person', makes you feel appreciated and worthwhile in someone else's eyes.) 6. Can each of you tell the other what actions you dislike without fear of rejection? (Your ability to say, `Hey, I don't like your behaviour; I don't like what you're doing' is an expression of self and an expression of caring about the other individual. That person needs to know that it doesn't mean you don't like them but that you don't like their actions.) 7. Do you share fun times and laugh together? (The ability to laugh at yourself and others relieves tension and allows your unique playfulness to escape.) 8. Do each of you set aside regular time to be together? (Relationships take time; time to be together; time to express individuality; time to hear the self expressions of another. You need regular contact with others in order to have your needs understood and met.) 9. Do each of you love each other for who you are? (There are different forms of love and all have value in our relationships; romantic love, love of a friend or child, etc. Love affirm, respects, and values the goodness one sees inanother. Love is unconditionally accepting and valuing what lies within an individual.) 10. Do each of you pledge to be available for each other in times of need now and in the future? (A commitment declares, `I will be here for you. I will support you and be your friend. I will accept and love you.' It requires maturity, two fairly healthy people, and stability.) Copyright EAP Clips.

RG MAGAZINE MARCH 1993