The Physical Abuse Centre (PAC) works with `The Batterer' as well as victims of `The Batterer.' `Battering' is defined as the use of violence or the threat of violence as a means to control another. A key aspect of the batter's personality is the use of violence to control the victim.

That is, the effect of battering is seen not only in the actual physical assault, but also in how fear of being hurt is used to manipulate and control a person via threat.

Through working here at The Physical Abuse Centre, many clients (men and women) think battering is the woman's responsibility. This is based on the assumption expressed by the widely asked question: "What did she do to provoke her man?'' `Battering' is a learned behaviour. People choose to batter their partners because the choice is there to make. `Battering' is the extreme expression of the belief in dominance over another person.

To understand why individuals choose to batter, it is important to see what they get out of using violence. As stated previously, persons use physical force to maintain power and control over their relationships with their partners.

The following scenario is one we see regularly at the Physical Abuse Centre.

One evening Mrs. A happened to get home from work the same time as her husband. As they met on the walkway to their home, a neighbour was also arriving home. Mrs. A gave the woman a friendly greeting, and then turned to kiss her Mr. A.

She was not to hear the last of it for the rest of the evening.

Just before suppertime, Mr. A accused her of taking him for granted and further going on to say she did not love him the way he loved her. If she really cared, Mr. A said triumphantly, she would have kissed him before greeting the neighbour.

Does this sound preposterous? Or is it too familiar to you? While working with PAC clients, we hear so much about persons who are cool, preoccupied, inattentive and who take little notice of their spouse' feelings and rarely express their own.

But there is another, quite opposite type of individual, and if you are involved with them, you know it. You know it because you are always walking on eggshells, trying not to set them off.

He/she is endlessly demanding your attention. He/she takes everything personally. He/she is easily displeased and never satisfied for long... (ie: you burned the toast! You forgot to call their mother. The kids are too noisy!) He/she is attentive to the point of suffocation, calling you several times a day at work, scrutinising your expressions for clues to your mood. (What are you thinking? Why did that little frown come on your face just now? What! You're mad at me? You are, I can tell it.) This person is exhausting! This person keeps you jumpy. You live on the edge, afraid of doing something wrong. He/she is hard to please and when pleased, it is usually because they have your total undivided attention. They want you to be a part of them all he time. When he/she sense you moving away, even a little, it feels to them like abandonment. They react with anxiety or rage.

It has been found that persons who batter comes from all socio-economic backgrounds, races, religions and walks of life. The abuser may be a blue-collar or white-collar worker, unemployed or highly paid. He/she may be a drinker or a non-drinker. Batterers represent all different personalities, family backgrounds and professionals. There is no typical batterer.

Below are a few of the behaviours that are common among persons who batter their partners: Denying the existence or minimising the seriousness of the violence and effect on the victim and other family members; showing extreme jealousy and possessiveness which often leads to isolation of the victim from other family and friends; refusing to take responsibility for the abuse by blaming it on a loss of control due to the effects of alcohol or drugs, frustration, stress or the victim's behaviour; holding traditional stereotyped views of male-female roles and relationships; blame partners for their abusive behaviour; have limited or no social network; partner is the closest person he/she knows; can be pleasant outside of the home and very unkind at home; lack sympathy for partner's physical and emotional pain.

To our readers The Physical Abuse Centre is a part of The Family Resource Network, which consists of The Coalition for The Protection of Children, The Institute of Child & Family Health, P.A.R.E.N.T.S. and The Father's Resource Centre.

The agencies joined in 1998 to better serve Bermuda's families with a common goal and shared vision.