If you have been emotionally abused or physically battered by an intimate partner and you want to change your life, then the PAC counselling programme is for you.

You may choose our programme because you need answers to the problems you are facing. The Physical Abuse Centre-Counsellor will not make decisions for you; only you can do that. But coming to the sessions will help you decide what you can do to protect yourself and find a safer, more satisfying life.

Remember! You are not alone in dealing with this problem.

You don't have to take action alone.

There are lots of people to help you.

There are no easy answers to the problem of domestic violence. Like many other victims you might be determined to put a stop to the abuse, yet feel reluctant to give up your relationship with the person who abuses you.

But battering doesn't go away by wishing it so. The person who batters has to be willing to say: "I did it. It's my responsibility to stop it. I need help to do that. I'm committing myself to get that help and work at changing myself.'' Then they have to follow through. You can encourage them, but you can't do it for them.

You might have been asking yourself "Why?'' "Why does he/she do it?'' "Why do I stay when I know it's going to happen again?'' Or maybe other people have asked you these questions. Lots of victims hope that if they can figure out why their partners abuse them, they can somehow "fit'' them. But even professional therapists and researchers are just beginning to understand what kinds of people hit or humiliate their beloved partners, why they act this way, and how they can be induced to change. If, year after years, you go on hoping you can find these answers by yourself, you are likely to be in ever-greater danger.

You may have thought: "Was is something I did or didn't do?'' Since none of us are perfect, we can always find some flaw an ourselves that seems to explain why someone has mistreated us. No matter what your shortcomings, that doesn't give anyone the right to hit, control or humiliate you. But even if you decide you want to improve yourself in certain ways, living with an abusive pattern can make it hard to evaluate what needs changing and how to go about doing it. You may feel so fearful or depressed that you have no energy to do much beyond the minimum tasks of daily living, or you may be fuming with unspoken rage toward your partner. If you've reached the point where you realise you've become the person you never wanted to be, then your best hope for self-improvement, for becoming the person you want to be, is be separating from your abusive partner.

Family Matters Your fear, depression or anger, resulting from life with an abusive partner, can have a very damaging effect on children, too. These effects should not be ignored or minimised. Children growing up amidst domestic violence become fearful and uncertain of themselves. They may even become angry. When they grow up they suffer the consequences of having been afraid to express themselves, and of having had to protect a parent, rather than having been protected themselves. These consequences can be reversed, though, and it is never too late to create a new -- and safer -- environment for your children.

If your partner is willing to make a serious commitment to stopping his/her abusive behaviour, that can be a positive sign. But if their commitment continually fades into vague promises about what will happen "next week'' or "when I quit drinking'' or "have a better job'' or "get rid of this stress'', you will either have to give up the relationship or live with the abuse. If your partner expresses remorse and promises to change after he/she hurts you, but later makes excuses or tells you it was your fault, this tells you the apology is hollow, and the mistreatment will not stop. It is up to you to take action.

Attending the PAC Counselling Sessions can help you to understand your situation and what you can do to achieve the life you want and deserve. It will also help you understand your twist of emotions and give you a little breathing space, so that you can more clearly see the path you need to take.

For more information regarding the PAC Counselling Programme, please contact Ms. Nina Jones at 292-4366. Seek help so you can free yourself and your children from abuse.

The month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The Physical Abuse Centre would like to encourage the citizens of Bermuda to wear a purple ribbon to remember those who have lost their lives as a result of domestic violence.

Attend a seminar on the subject area. Report to the police if you happen to witness an altercation. Make donations that will assist victims of domestic violence. Let's make a community effort to "Help Stop the violence! The Physical Abuse Centre is a part of The Family Resource Network, which consists of The Coalition for The Protection of Children, The Institute of Child & Family Health, P.A.R.E.N.T.S. and The Fathers' Resources Centre. The agencies joined in 1998 to better serve Bermuda's families with a common goal and shared vision.