intelligent young lady. She had her whole life planned out. She knew where she was going and what she wanted to do with it.

Her life plan did not include catching the AIDS virus, but that is what happened.

Tina, not her real name, agreed to speak with The Royal Gazette only under the condition that she would not be identified for fear of being shunned.

She made it clear that she was willing to speak out because she wanted to send out a message.

"I know Bermudians. Everyone will want to know who I am after this,'' she said. "But that's not what's important. When guys look at me they wouldn't think that girl has HIV. Do I look like I have it? But I do, and I could be anybody. That's what's important.

"...I'm not having sex because I wouldn't wish this on any person. But not everybody infected thinks like that. Some are hurt and want revenge and that wrong person could be anyone.'' At this point Tina does not know who infected her, but she believes it was one of the men she had sex with while away at college.

And she said had it not been for the encouragement of an American friend, who was tested regularly, encouraging her to get the test done for "peace of mind sake'', she would have been walking around unaware she was infected.

"I only found out last year November,'' Tina reflected. "I'd been away at school for two-and-a-half years. When my girlfriend asked me to come get the test with her, I looked at her like she was crazy. I really only took it so that she would stop bugging me about it. After I took the test I put it out of my mind. I wasn't worried at all. I knew about AIDS, but I never...'' Since receiving the dreaded news, Tina said her emotions have run the gamut from denial when her doctor called her, to anger, to shame and hurt. And she admitted that she has even entertained thoughts of suicide.

"When I thought about killing myself, I was alone. I was scared,'' Tina recalled. "And I hadn't told my parents yet, I thought they would stop loving me or that they would hate me for bringing shame on them. I was in a strange country and I was alone, all alone.'' Tina did not tell her parents until January of this year. She said it was not the kind of news that she wanted to reveal during Christmas, so she stayed at school until the new year and sought counselling while there.

Once she talked to her family, they all agreed that it would be best if she received treatment abroad. That way, she explained, they felt it would be easier to keep it a secret.

Cases like Tina's are one of the reasons why the Health Department's statistics on AIDS and HIV, while accurate to the number of cases reported, do not tell how many Bermudians actually suffer from the illnesses.

In 1997 the cumulative number of AIDS and HIV cases -- added together from 1985 through 1997 -- totalled 309 and 435, respectively.

However, Bermuda's own experts on AIDS admitted those numbers did not include the `Tinas' of the Island, and that there were an unknown number of infected people.

Nurse epidemiologist Gaylia Landry, one of Bermuda's leading experts on AIDS, said attitudes like the one Tina expressed prior to finding out she was infected were not uncommon.

AIDS was still thought of as other people's disease, she said.

"The attitude is that it's not going to happen to `me', but that is not exclusive to Bermuda,'' Ms Landry added.

She also said most people believed that if they did not engage in homosexual activity or drug use or if you are not promiscuous, they will not contract the disease.

"People don't consider that in 1997 unprotected sex with one person can lead to AIDS,'' Ms Landry said. "You don't have to sleep with a lot of people. Sex with one infected person is all it takes.'' When asked if she thought the general public realised how prevalent the AIDS virus was in Bermuda, she noted that from her experience the general public knew "a great deal'' about it. And she said there was plenty of information about AIDS.

Reflecting on the first reported case of AIDS on the Island in 1982, Ms Landry said: "This epidemic has affected many, many families in Bermuda. If you go out on the streets and ask the average person if they know someone who has AIDS or has died from it, most will say yes.'' A veteran activist in the fight against AIDS, Russ Ford said while people recognised the AIDS problem, they were in denial about the serious impact it can have on the social stability of Bermuda.

He noted that as far as young people were concerned they were not going to be shaken up by the disease until they saw their peers coming down with it and dying.

And while there were no documented cases of teenagers with AIDS or HIV in Bermuda, Ms Landry pointed out that the incubation period for the virus could be anywhere from five to ten years.

And she said people with AIDS who were in the 20-to-29 age bracket had to have contracted it as teenagers.

"So, it stands to reason that teenagers could have it and just don't know,'' Ms Landry noted.

Both she and Mr. Ford quoted the World Health Organisation as stating that the reported number of AIDS cases should be multiplied by five to ten in order to come up with a more accurate assessment of how many people suffered from it.

Ms Landry stressed the need for people who are diagnosed with the AIDS virus to seek out treatment.

"If you understand AIDS better, then you will be able to take better control of your life,'' she said.

She also stressed that there was help for those who wanted it and that there was no reason to deal with AIDS alone.