Question: At my son's day care, the teachers instruct the children to colour only in the lines. The objectives are to learn the colors, how to hold pencils and about what they're colouring. My son gets upset because he has a terrible time keeping the colours in the lines. He refuses to do the assignments. The teacher tries to cajole him into doing them and sometimes he will, but he says everyone is better than him at the colouring. My son is 4. Is this too much to expect of him? My husband and I both had symptoms of Dysgraphia as children, but have mostly outgrown them. Should I push for him to do the assignments, or should I ask for moderation? I don't really know what skill level I should expect.

Answer: It's difficult to diagnose problems in early childhood, but once diagnosed, they're easier to remediate because brain growth is rapid during early years. Your observations and your and your husband's experiences combined suggest a need for an evaluation by an occupational therapist that can help strengthen weak hand muscles.

While waiting for a diagnosis, suggest the teacher give your son more time and easier or larger picture alternatives until you receive more specific advice from a professional. Encourage your son to continue to try his best and explain that the more he tries, the better he'll become. Practice will improve his skill if he can work patiently. Have him work on some dot-to-dot and maze activities at home as well, because they're fun and exercise the same hand muscles. His problem could improve quickly before he ever enters kindergarten because you've identified it so early.

Question: My daughter's art teacher was concerned about her not wanting to show her artwork to other children, even though the children are supportive.

The teacher thinks my daughter needs a psychologist to overcome perfectionism and low self-esteem. The teacher mentioned sensing sadness and a frustrated need for "freedom of expression." My daughter asked for art lessons even though the teacher expressed concern about her not finishing her work. What do I do?

Answer: If your daughter's perfectionism in artwork is her only perfectionism, there's not much to worry about. It may be that she's so talented in her schoolwork, she pressures herself to achieve in everything. In that case, private lessons with an art teacher emphasising creativity and freedom of expression could help her express herself. If her only problem is with art, you can ignore it and enjoy other creative activities together. Don't overpraise her art or she'll and feel pressured.

If your daughter is perfectionistic in other areas like schoolwork, clothes, or worries about saying the wrong thing, you have a larger problem and art is her way of letting you know about it. Tell her that we all learn from mistakes, and show her that you make mistakes without catastrophizing about them. You can moderate your praise (and pressure) by not using words like "spectacular" and "best." These actions will help her, but be sure to see a psychologist for an evaluation if the problem becomes worse.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, Wisconsin 53094, USA or srimm@sylviarimm.com.