How to spot a controller or abuser

According to Kathy Harriott, the executive director of the Women's Resource Centre, while the following tips are not absolute truths, they can help identify if your relationship is potentially dangerous.

Do they speak with disrespect or anger about people who have been a part of their life - a sister or mother?

Do they control or disapprove of how you spend your money?

Do they try and take advantage of you sexually?

Do they make sexual demands of you?

Do they understand the difference between affection and sex?

Does alcohol, even a modest amount, make them a different person?

Do they need to have a drink every day?

Do they use or enjoy humour that puts you down or degrades others in subtle or not-so subtle ways?

Do they lack the ability to laugh at themselves? Controllers take themselves very seriously.

Do they find it hard to apologise or do they make excuses for their behaviour?

Do they always have to win at everything? Is their motto "winning isn't everything, it's the only thing"?

Do they usually get their way in deciding when, where and even what you will eat? Where you will go and what you will do?

What happens when they don't get their way? Do they pout or withdraw? Are they unpredictable? Do they keep you slightly off balance?

Look back over a number of decisions the two of you have made together recently. Do you feel good about the outcome?

Another mark of a controller is that everything is geared towards them. They are the center of the universe and you revolve around them. Controllers must be kept happy at all times at all costs and the people involved with them pay a very high price for this happiness.