As children, the ways in which we were raised have undoubted effects on the ways in which we interact as adults.

For those of us who were made to feel small, didn’t receive adequate attention or were harshly punished for mistakes, our existence can often feel like a mistake in and of itself. This can create the issue of feeling the need to apologise excessively for things you’ve done, things done to you, or things out of anyone’s control. When you are made to feel as if your presence is a disturbance, you will feel personally responsible for any disruption to the peace. It is time to let go of the burden of over-apologising, and start owning your needs, desires and space in this world.

We often find ourselves apologising several times throughout the day for things both trivial and large. Saying that you’re sorry to someone can be very beneficial when done appropriately and for the right reasons.

However, there are times at which no apology is necessary. For example, have you ever caught yourself saying “I’m sorry,” when trying to get through a space that someone is blocking? The correct thing to say would be “excuse me”, but we often find ourselves apologising in these situations.

When we stand back to reflect on the matter, we discover, the reason we are apologising is because we feel sorry for invading their space, and we feel like they have more of an entitlement to this public area than we do. But that is illogical, it is a public area, and we have just as much entitlement to get through that space as they have to stand there - there is nothing to be sorry about.

However, it can be difficult to own your space and to be comfortable in your being when you’ve been ridiculed and beaten down. It is important to learn to be comfortable standing on your own and beginning to own the space which you take up with pride.

Another time when you should not be apologising for is when you set boundaries. It can be difficult if you grew up in a household that did not have mutual respect to be able to replicate healthy boundary setting in your adult life.

Poor boundaries can look like overextending yourself when you’re tired, apologising when someone hurts you, or telling information that you’d rather keep private. It can be difficult to process your rights as an adult when you were never modelled that as a child.

For people who had parents that read through their diaries or took the screws off their doors; it can be hard to say no. And often when you do say no it is followed with an apology. You do not need to apologise for doing what is best for you and your mental health. Your wellbeing is just as important as others but should be most important to you.

This does not mean that we act in a self-centred way and never take others’ needs into consideration, rather it means that you balance the needs of yourself with the needs of those around you in a healthy manner.

Community is important but it is made up of individuals who look after themselves, which in turn allows them to better look after one another.