I remember one of the many things that visitors used to say about why they loved Bermuda when arriving on our shores: “Y’all don't have any of those big ugly billboards out here like we all do back home.” No, we don’t, but looks like it’s getting that way. I think we have been heading in that direction in the last few years.

I think the change started when the late “Mr Happy”, Johnny Barnes, would stand on East Broadway, wave and blow kisses to everyone driving into Hamilton.

Somehow, some people out there wanted to capitalise on Johnny’s popularity and join him in publicising their events. For example, a beauty pageant, where you would get the female contestants waving next to Johnny. If there’s a comedy show to be promoted, you would see some joker out there promoting his show. For “Heart Month”, you get someone dressed in a heart-shaped costume, increasing their heart rate while waving as fast as they could in an overheated costume.

Puuhleeze! Enough distractions already!

Now, they stand on the little island by the roundabout and are scattered all along East Broadway like a spreading virus. They’ve had powerboats, motorbikes, fire trucks and even a mocked-up crash scene put on by the Bermuda Road Safety Council!

That one was dumbfounding: people dangerously stopped their cars in the middle of the road to check if the victim was OK. Go figure!

The one that gets me vexed is where you have about six to eight people holding up signs, and you have to read each one for it to make any sense. It is like reading a book while driving. So while you are reading them, you do not see the car in front of you stop. It’s an accident waiting to happen!

Apparently, it is unsafe to use a mobile phone while driving, but reading promotional posters isn’t? We should change the name from East Broadway to “Advertising Avenue”.

Hey! That has a nice ring to it: “Take a left on to Advertising Avenue.”

Who needs Madison Avenue!

But now it has spread far and near — popping up are what look like large printed bedsheets hammered into walls and rock faces, all in the name of promoting concerts, boxing matches, parties and anything else that some need to get exposure on.

Come on, Bermuda! It looks tacky! We are losing our Bermuda island charm, and we are losing more and more of what visitors love about our beautiful coral island.

You got something to promote? Don't be cheap! Take out an ad, preferably in the Gazette, and mention my name. I might even get a commission!