‘Even as you lose people you shouldn’t lose yourself’
It has been with a heavy heart yet great resolve and positive intent that Paget Lions coach Antwan Russell has awoken in recent days and months.
The unsolved hit-and-run incident in Hamilton Parish that cost the life of close cousin and fellow football luminary Marco Warren earlier this year combined with the recent passing of his father, Anthony [Toe] Dill, a legend of the sport’s golden era in Bermuda, weigh heavily upon the mind of the 36-year-old player/coach.
Add to these passings the accidental road death of older brother Tokia Russell, yet another member of the revered Russell clan, in June 2016 and it would be easy to understand Antwan believing that his family might be cursed and doomed to endure frequent instances of tragedy.
Russell understands the importance of death and realises that the large size of his family heightens the likelihood of grief.
“The way I look at life is that we have a big family, perhaps more than most, so there’s going to be a lot of loss,” said Russell, grief evident in his voice.
“But one thing I always remember is that even as you lose people you shouldn’t lose yourself.
“One has to stay positive and look forward. Trust me, it’s easier said than done, it’s a hard process, but we endure and rise.”
Evidence of Russell’s fortified determination and will to prevail is being demonstrated on the sidelines as he teaches, moulds and encourages his band of youthful charges to an unbeaten start in the Premier Division this season, with his actions belying the sorrow bubbling within.
However, to listen to the former Bermuda international, who was arguably the premier talent of his generation, with the ability to perform with distinction in every sector of the pitch, football matches have been therapy for his pain.
“Sports heal and can provide an outlet for whatever hurt people may feel and whatever trials and tribulations that may be going on in life,” explained Russell, who took over the reigns at Paget last year and led the club to the double of the Shield and First Division title, as well as an impressive FA Cup run.
“I coached the very next day after my father had died when some would have taken time away for themselves, but football is my sanctuary and I used that as a restorative moment, some free time to heal.
“My dad was my biggest influence in football. He never missed a game and I can remember over the years, every goal that I scored I went over and hugged him.
“It's kind of crazy how, when I come home now, he's not here any more.”
Asked if he was dedicating this season to the memories of his father and cousin, a quite normal assumption in an era of memorial armbands, Russell displayed a big-picture mindset, focusing less on himself and more upon the struggles contained within the wider community.
“In a sense, but this season is dedicated to all of the communities in Bermuda that are facing hurts,” he said.
“For me, playing and getting into coaching was with the idea of giving something to the community, in that it would give them something to look forward to in terms of sports.
“What a lot of people don't know is that I played for Paget in junior ball. It was one of the first teams I played for, so when I decided to go back to Paget it was with the same vibe that was around when I was that age, playing in the neighbourhood.
“So it was easy for me to move back in with Paget. Everywhere I go all of the members of the community that I come across are excited, from what I can see.
“It means the world to them and you can see how much it has affected people. It's exciting for them to be able to sit back and watch and it’s amazing and a good feeling to be able to sit back and watch it unfurl.”
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