It was not until I was almost 50 years old that I was diagnosed with ADHD [attention deficit hyperactivity disorder]. It was only after talking through my problems with my wife Helen, who is a teacher, that she suggested I look into it.

Once the diagnosis was made, it was as if my whole life came into focus and made sense — my past experiences, my struggles in school and jobs, the insomnia, the many “hyper” aspects of my personality, my driven nature, inability to focus in meetings, and so on. When I told my adult children I thought I had ADHD, they both responded, “Like duh!? Isn’t that obvious?” Well, it was not to me!

One other aspect of my personality is that I process “out loud” or, to be more accurate, I process by projecting my thoughts outwards, either through talking or through writing.

As a child, I would make vocal sounds as a method of expressing myself, and discovering a passion for human beatboxing (vocal percussion) was a God-send. Until I discovered writing, verbal processing was the only way I could think, and when I developed my writing, I discovered I was able to “write” in my head, and then spill my thoughts down on paper.

The point of mentioning all this is that we are often taught to “think before we speak“ and for someone with ADHD and who processed verbally, this was virtually impossible! How would I be able to think if I could not speak?

The problem with this was that it meant I came across as arrogant. I would vociferously argue yellow was blue but quite happily, during the course of the conversation, change my mind to argue blue was yellow — coming to a conclusion verbally.

James, in the Bible, wrote about “taming the tongue”, and his whole section under Chapter 3 has particular significance for me. Over time, rather than blurt (think out loud), I learnt not to say anything at all and also how to be an “active listener” where you listen to someone and reflect back to them what you have heard.

For me, “taming the tongue” in the first instance, was about making a conscious decision with, through repeated practice, to control what came out of my mouth. If you know me, I am still a work in progress!

Yes, there is something important about having control over the things we say, making a conscious decision when and how to speak, however James, in his book, is alluding to a much deeper issue, and that is about where the thoughts come from in the first place.

The clue is in the final verses of the section where James writes: “Does a spring deliver both fresh and salt water? My friends, does a fig tree produce olives or a grapevine yield figs?” (James 3:11-12)

You see, the very place from where our thoughts come from can be shaped and moulded, transforming our very characters, that is, who we are. This, in turn, has a knock-on effect on how and when we speak, for what we say and how we say it is a direct reflection of the state of our spirituality — what is in our hearts.

You may have heard the expression, “You shall know them by their fruits”, which is a direct quote from Matthew 7:16. In this case, the fruit is what and how we speak.

If our characters are a tree, our words are our fruit making the kind of tree we are, instantly recognisable! What kind of tree are you? I can guarantee that your friends and family know!

This is no doubt why Paul describes the beneficial effects of being filled with the Holy Spirit as fruits. Who would not want to have more love, joy, peace, generosity, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control? The answer is to plug into God, to invite the Holy Spirit to fill us, and to be open to the Spirit’s leading and direction.

Preachers often implore us to spend “more time in the word”, but what really changes us from the inside out is the presence of God’s Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Jesus, in our lives — that’s the “living” Word (with a capital W). You see, who you hang out with influences who you become.

We are designed, as human beings, and as far as our genetics allow, to affect each other. We learn behaviours and model our thoughts and emotions on whom we witness.

Ever heard the phrase, “They are a bad influence”? Well, it makes no difference whether you are 7 years old or 70 years old, you are still influenced by those you hang out with. Therefore it makes perfect sense to hang out with Jesus. Now there’s a new title for my messages, “Hanging out with Jesus!”

You can be filled with the Spirit of Jesus at any time and in any place, and when the Holy Spirit fills you, you become changed from the inside out. As Paul puts it in his letter to the Church in the town of Corinth, “And all of us… are being transformed… from one degree of glory to another, for this comes from the Lord, the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18).

Becoming a “better” Christian is not an arduous work, but the result of simply spending time hanging out with the biggest influencer of all time. The longer you spend with God, the more you change from the inside out and become more like Jesus.

Friends, my prayer this week is simple, that you spend time with Jesus and become transformed into the wonderful Christ-like person God has created you to be.

Amen.

• Reverend Gavin Tyte is pastor of St Mark's Anglican Church. You can read or listen to all his Insights athttps://fab.church/