seized more than $12 million worth of drugs -- most of it heroin. Royal Gazette reporter Karen Smith talks to a recovering heroin addict to find out how drugs have affected his life.

In his years of dealing cocaine and heroin, more than a million dollars has passed through the hands of Brien Simmons.

Yet, at the age of 41, the recovering drug addict has nothing to his name but the clothes he wears and the silver chain around his neck.

With a heroin habit amounting to at least $300 a day, and a cocaine addiction that cost him more than $400 a day, every cent he earned with one hand was spent on his habit with the other.

For him there were no flash cars, big homes or Hollywood lifestyle. Instead, drugs brought him a life of misery, crime, and violence, and took him almost to the door of death.

The story of Brien (not his real name) is not unique. But he wanted to share it with people across the Island in the hope that other people will be turned off drugs, and families of addicts given hope.

This is the fourth time he has been clean, but this time he is determined to stay on the straight and narrow.

However, he has warned that unless Bermuda wakes up to the massive drug problem on the Island, the incidents of crime and violence will only get worse.

Addict faces daily struggle to reclaim his life From the age of nine, Brien was thrust into a world of drugs.

With a father nowhere in sight, the only role model he had was his drug-dealing uncle.

"I was only nine and I remember being fascinated by everything he seemed to have,'' said Brien.

"He was the father image that I looked up to and he gave me everything I wanted. I suppose that was the very beginning of a way of life for me.'' At nine, Brien was rolling marijuana joints for his uncle. By the age of 11, he was selling weed at school, and, of course, smoking it himself.

But at age 23, he took the natural progression and branched out into smuggling cocaine and heroin, where real money could be made.

Dealers in Bermuda can make three and four times what they pay in the US for hard drugs. And Brien estimated that with about eight big dealers on the Island regularly bringing in massive hauls of drugs worth up to $2 million at a time, Bermuda could be absorbing well over $120 million worth of drugs yearly.

What is seized is just the tip of the iceberg, he claimed.

When Brien began dealing, he was not interested in using it himself and remainded a small-time dealer.

"I was smuggling drugs from the US coast, Miami, Florida, and places like that, and I had contacts at the airport and on the cruise ships, so it never seemed difficult getting it through,'' he said.

"I was dealing for about four years before I started to use it myself. "When I first did heroin, it felt like the most amazing high -- like a warm blanket all over my body.

"But, before I knew where I was, just a matter of days later, I was an addict.

"I don't think people realise how easily you can get hooked on heroin. Within days you can't go without it, and within about three or four months you will hit rock bottom.'' Brien held down good jobs for as long as possible, but at night and during the weekends, he would spend his time with his ace boys sitting on walls around Court Street, snorting, smoking and shooting up hard drugs.

Within months he lost value for money, self respect, all of his morals, and a grasp on reality.

He said he never resorted to handbag snatching or house breaking, as Bermuda is seeing today, but he admitted that violence was never far away.

And, hanging his head in shame, he admitted for the first time in his life that he had even sold sexual favours in order to get another hit.

"I was married to heroin. I used to refer to is as though it was a woman,'' he said.

"It used to satisfy me. When I was on heroin and cocaine, I could blank out what was happening. It was a vicious circle. You daren't come off it because of what you have to go through -- the cold turkey -- so you just keep going.

And the hits only get bigger, they never get smaller.

"When you hit rock bottom, you will do anything to make sure that you can get drugs.

"If a white guy came into the back of town to score drugs off me, I would not think twice about pulling a knife on him and robbing his money.

"I have kicked, and I have been kicked. I have punched, and been punched, and I have stabbed, and been stabbed.

"That is how I finally knew I had to leave the streets for good this time because it was either kill or be killed.

"I believe at that point I was staring death in the face.

"I knew some guys were looking for me and if I had shown up I would have been killed with baseball bats and metal pipes that night.'' Although he has been clean for almost a year now, Brien knows that his battle will never cease.

"I believe God gave me numerous chances to survive, but I don't think I have any left.

"I heard a voice saying `leave the street', and I think it was God. "I walked away and have not been back. But it's not easy and I know that I will struggle every day of my life now.'' Brien has had to abandon the life that he had, his ace boys, and the streets that he knew.

He now lives his life as though walking on egg shells.

"Just one lapse of concentration could send me back,'' he said.

"But I thank God for the support of my family. They are there for me, which has helped.'' If he had his time again, Brien would take his life down a different path, but he said now he hoped to use his experience to help others.

He warned young people to stay away from drugs, and he urged families not to abandon their loved ones who were addicts.

"I am 42 years of age and I have nothing to my name, but what I do have is life and another chance to start again. I am lucky, some people don't get that.

"And I hope one day to be married with children. I want to be the daddy that I never had.

"I want to help steer people away from drugs, or perhaps help those that are addicted. I think I can help. There are choices and consequences in life, and that is what I'm dealing with now.'' And, as for Brien's drug dealing uncle, now in his 50s, he is still addicted to heroin and cocaine: "I pray to God that he gets through this,'' said Brien.

"I don't want to see him die because of that, like I nearly did.''