Dear Carla: I was in a relationship for two years. I went away for a trip for two weeks and the day I was coming back I received a message from my then boyfriend stating he can no longer lie to me and needs to come clean about a few things. I was shocked! I never imagined going through something that he put me through. He told me he has another girlfriend and they now live together. I always had my doubts, but never wanted to believe it. We still speak a year later, but not so much. I now have met someone else, but my trust issues are holding me back. I still have feelings for my ex, but I have grown to really be into the new guy. What should I do? — TORN BETWEEN THE TWO

Dear Torn: What are you conflicted about? This man lied to you and hurt you and you are torn? Is there something that I’m missing here? While I understand there are feelings involved, you need to accept that your ex neve r really cared for you based on his dishonesty. While the familiar seems most comfortable, you need to let go of him once and for all. And, while I am not saying that you should dislike him, I don’t see any reason why you should communicate with him. Now what about the new guy? Do you really think that you are being fair to him? You should take a step back from him and evaluate where you are in life and whether or not you are really in a position to be in a new relationship. By being conflicted, you are not in any position to give him your all. He should not be paying the price for a situation that doesn’t belong to him.

Dear Carla: I have been involved with a guy for the past six months. I am only dating him and I don’t believe that he is dating anyone else. When I try to raise the subject of commitment to him, he brushes it off and says that we are happy, so why mess with that. I disagree. I feel like he is keeping me in a holding pattern until he meets someone else. Funny thing is, if he thinks that someone is interested in me, he starts acting insecure. I think he’s selfish and I’m getting tired of this situation being like this. What should I do? — WANT SOMETHING REAL

Dear Something Real: The time has come for you to walk away because it sounds like you are not happy with the way things are going. But I would suggest you sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel. Ask him why won’t he commit and give him a timescale. Let him know that when the deadline reaches, you are walking away for good. Then DO IT!

Dear Carla: What do you do when your child’s father refuses to claim him/her? My boyfriend at the time and I were very happy together for over three years. I didn’t have any children and we discussed having one. I was reluctant at first because I’ve heard so many horror stories about deadbeat dads, but he assured me that he would never turn his back on me. Months after the discussion, I end up pregnant with our child. He was happy at first and then, a month before I’m about to give birth, he says that he doesn’t think the baby is his because I got pregnant too fast. I was devastated. Now our child is a year old and he has never seen him/her. I can’t believe this. He refuses to answer any correspondence from me. What should I do? — HURTING

Dear Hurting: The answer is simple. Ask him for a paternity test. I know you said he will not talk to you, so see if a relative can be the go-between. If that fails, go through Family Court and get it court-ordered. In the meantime, try to remain hopeful that he will come to his senses. Try not to be bitter. All the best.

Carla Zuill is a certified Life Coach. To submit questions, e-mail carla@royalgazette.com