Dear Carla: A man and woman have known each other for many years. Man is a recovering addict, says he’s been clean for a few years. They have started dating. She feels like she should “investigate”, do a “social inquiry report” so to say, on him to get feedback on whether or not he is truly not using anymore ... so the question: is this appropriate? Or is she opening up a can of worms because you know how it goes everyone will have a story whether they can confirm it or not. — SHOULD I?

Dear SHOULD I: This is Bermuda, we both know there will be plenty stories, especially if the person has a criminal record. Only you can decipher what is true versus what is blown out of proportion. I think you should be honest with him and tell him how you really feel about his history. If you want to explore the possibility of a relationship with him it’s vital that you tell him the truth regarding any apprehensions you may have. And ten give him the opportunity to address them. You must also ask yourself whether or no you are ready to face the naysayers who may feel you are making a mistake because trust me when I tell you, there will be some.

If you don’t already know, ask him if he ever or still does attend support groups, how does he handle stressful situations, has he addressed the issues which caused him to turn to drugs in the first place. Are you willing to support him should he have a relapse? If you are in a relationship with him, and this does happen, it would be unfair to just turn your back on him. Only you can take that decision. I’m sure you will ask around, it’s in our nature, but, if you are sincere about the future, the talk about the past won’t have great weight.

Dear Carla: How and why did we allow our hotel pensions and private pensions to be locked in when in these day and times we don’t even live to see 65? Furthermore when we as people have ways to make money, we are constantly blocked from doing so. How are people that’s worked so hard here accept the British package that we where given. Why not give people their pensions and let them go live comfortable where ever they want if they really don’t want us here. Why lock in our money? It doesn’t seem to make much sense if u don’t want us here. Give us our money. — SET ME FREE

Dear Set: Wow what a statement. It’s sad that you feel this way in your own country. Unfortunately you are not alone as I have heard many people express this sentiment. I really think you should talk to your parliamentarian in your constituency about how you feel so that you feelings can be conveyed in a way that could make a difference. As far as pension, while it seems like people are dying much younger, men and women are still living well into their 80s. Pensions are in place so that seniors can have something for their golden years. Although you may think you need that money now, you will be grateful that it’s waiting for you when you become a senior.

Dear Carla: I was seeing this guy for several months and we became very close and feelings became involved. I was looking through Instagram and came across a recent picture of him and who I thought was an ex girlfriend’s page. I questioned it and he admitted it was his girlfriend but they’re on and off. Things went downhill from there with the trust. He didn’t want me to leave so he would make me feel special by buying me things and spending time with me but he’s still in a relationship with her. He denies this but take trips with her. It’s been a year now and he’s still with this girl. I want to know if he’s gonna ever leave her and or if I should say something to the girlfriend. Let me add that if he thinks I’m talking to another guy he gets jealous. — WILL HE STAY

Dear Will He: I hate to break it to you but he is not going to leave his girlfriend. The moment you discovered the truth and continued to see him, you validated his behaviour. Who cares if he buys you stuff? Do you need it that bad? Is it worth your dignity? You have no future with this man and you know it. You don’t need me to tell you. As far as him being jealous, that’s just him being selfish. He has no right to get angry or upset. Now you mentioned outing him to his girlfriend. Why? It won’t change anything so why hurt her. If she breaks up with him it’ll be you today and another girl tomorrow. Just cut him off. The sooner the better.