of persons who have died as a result of AIDS are just that -- a list of faceless, nameless numbers.

It is difficult for most people to recognise that each new addition to those growing figures represents a person who has left behind friends and family.

The first time Mr. Joseph (Jo-Jo) Tucker came face-to-face with AIDS was in the early 1980s, when a friend contracted the disease "when people didn't even know what it was''.

Since then, the guitarist for musical group Jahtice has lost two members of his family and seven more friends to AIDS. A third relative is currently living with the disease. To Mr. Tucker's knowledge, they contracted HIV either through the use of intravenous drugs, heterosexual relations or, in one case, a tainted blood transfusion.

Mr. Tucker, who was a panelist at a recent workshop on AIDS and HIV-related counselling for children, spoke with The Royal Gazette in an effort to describe what patients and their families experience in the face of such a devastating illness.

About two years ago, Mr. Tucker gave up his own apartment and moved in with his sister to help "make it as comfortable as possible'' for her and her four children. She lived with HIV for six years before succumbing to AIDS this year at the age of 35.

He said in general, the family received immeasurable support from friends and neighbours rather than ostracism.

"Our neighbours in Dockyard made the difference,'' Mr. Tucker said.

"Whenever we needed help, they were there. We were lucky to have grown up in an environment where there was always someone around for us.'' In addition to close family bonds, he said untiring encouragement and comfort from the Agape House hospice and the family support group STAR made his sister's period of illness more manageable.

Mr. Tucker also had high praise for her former employer, A.S. Cooper & Son Limited, where she continued to work until she was physically unable to.

"That company supported her right up to the day she died -- and afterwards,'' Mr. Tucker said. "They really took care of her.'' But he said her youngest children, aged eight and ten, were taunted by some insensitive youngsters early in their mother's illness.

"They were harassed in school even before they knew she was HIV positive,'' said Mr. Tucker. "You know how rumours get around Bermuda.

"That really hurt my sister. She didn't want the children to go through all of that.'' Mr. Tucker said the children's school counsellor invited her to speak with teachers and administrators about HIV and AIDS once the situation came to light.

He said each person present at that meeting remembers his sister saying how she did not want their pity or sympathy -- her sole interest was how well her children would be taken care of following her death.

"She was never worried about herself, just about the affect it would have on her children. She always put the children first,'' Mr. Tucker said.

After the meeting, harassment of his nieces ceased and schoolmates became supportive. This, said Mr. Tucker, was proof that communication and information were the best ways to approach the AIDS crisis.

"We have to educate people on how to deal with the children,'' he said.

"Adults are going through pain as well, but they don't understand how the children feel.'' Mr. Tucker said the same two children have been having a particularly difficult time adjusting to life without their mother.

"They were very close to her and it's been hard for them to accept anyone else taking her place,'' he said.

But out of the family's personal tragedy has sprung the Island's first programme designed to help youngsters who have lost parents to AIDS.

Mr. Tucker's nieces and nephews have helped form the group, which will be based at Whitney Institute. He said he hopes it will become a foundation for programmes at other schools.

Once the group is fully established, Mr. Tucker plans to return to full-time work. He has not been employed since he quit F. Lewis Maintanence Company almost seven months ago to care for his sister full-time.

As for the care of AIDS patients themselves, Mr. Tucker said nothing can replace human contact -- especially when the person is still mobile and able to communicate.

A frequent visitor to Agape House, he recounted the story of one resident whose family never came to see him. According to Mr. Tucker, the man's relatives showed up only when he was a few days from death.

"It was too late then,'' Mr. Tucker said, explaining that the disease had left the man unable to speak. "You shouldn't wait until the person's lying there and can't say anything.'' Mr. Tucker said visiting a person with AIDS does wonders for their physical and emotional state, and although some people might feel uncomfortable at first, it will eventually become like visiting any other medical patient.

"If they enjoy sitting and talking, then talk with them.

If they don't, then just be there,'' he advised.

He also said alleviating outside pressures and delegating the patient's major responsibilities to someone else helped to increase their longevity.

"Stress is their number one killer. They go a lot quicker when they're under stress,'' Mr. Tucker said.

Counsellors and care-givers also need a shoulder to lean on since they bear a large part of the burden as well. Having played these roles himself, Mr.

Tucker added that faith provides more strength than anything else could.

"You have to let God tell you how to deal with it,'' said Mr. Tucker. "God is my support.'' HELPING HAND -- Mr. Joseph (Jo-Jo) Tucker who urges people to help those with AIDS.