Until a generation or so ago fathers went out to work and mothers stayed home raising the children. That was the norm, and everybody accepted it. Then times changed. Women became more educated, and wanted more out of life than just child rearing. Fathers worked longer and harder, and the cost of living kept rising, making one-income households more difficult to sustain.

Thus began major changes in traditional family life. With more and more parents in the work force, babies and toddlers are spending their earliest years in alternative care during their parents' absence, as a result of which parenting has become a part-time occupation, with many of the child's developmental milestones being witnessed by strangers.

Additionally, there are men who, on learning that they are to become fathers, feel threatened by the impending birth, and fear that their prized "freedom'' will forever be compromised. Others, while accepting their fate, remain semi-detached because they believe that, during the child's early years at least, hands-on nurturing is the mother's role.

This week, Lifestyle talks with three first-time fathers who have done a complete U-turn on their perceived roles as secondary caregivers, thanks in part to attending pre-natal parenting classes.

Mark Richards and his fiancee Janice never wanted to bring children into the world because of all the bad things happening in it. When they learned that they were going to be parents they accepted their fate, but Mark felt detached.

"I thought `The woman gets pregnant and the baby comes out','' he remembers, and when his fiancee insisted that he attend pre-natal parenting classes with her, Mr. Richards was the only man to put up his hand when asked, `Who doesn't want to be here?' Today, the once-reluctant father is so thrilled with parenthood that he is "ready for more''.

What led to his conversion was what he learned at parenting classes, and what caused him to dramatically change his lifestyle was the overwhelming sense of love he felt on seeing his newborn son, Malik Cinque.

"You say you love your mother, girlfriend, wife or whatever, but when Malik was born I really felt love. I don't know how some people don't love their children.

"Also, in the class I learned so much about the development of the child that I saw everything in a new light. I didn't know there were so many stages,'' he admits. "I said to his mum, `I want to show my son some leadership from now until he becomes a father'.'' And so it was that the taxi driver who used to work all day and into the evening, as well as weekends and public holidays, now drives from 7 p.m. to 2 a.m., and sometimes 4 a.m. so that he could be with his son all day while his fiancee works.

Admitting that he avoided changing diapers while his fiancee was on three months' maternity leave, Mr. Richards now not only does everything for his son, including diapers and feeding, but he also does the washing, dishes and some housework.

His day begins around 8 a.m. when Malik wakes, and he gives him his breakfast.

When it comes to meals, Mr. Richards is proud to note that his son eats only fresh food, which his fiancee prepares in the blender, and then freezes.

Thanks to parenting classes, Mr. Richards knows how important it is to stimulate his son's mental development, so in addition to their usual playtime fun, he tries an educational approach.

"I teach him his ABCs, counting to ten, and how to clap,'' he explains. "And he also knows what it means when Daddy says `no'.'' Like any mother who stays at home, Mr. Richards finds that baby care and domestic chores take up so much of the day that he has no time for himself, but he is convinced that whatever sacrifices he makes are well worth it because of the progress his son is making. At ten months old, Malik is already walking, and is very alert and inquisitive.

"My being with him is definitely paying off, and I am never bored,'' Mr.

Richards asserts.

The couple's vision for their son's future not only includes being a cricketer -- "We've had him up at 4 o'clock in the morning watching the World Cup!'' -- but also a leader.

Daniel Kurt is similarly convinced that his hands-on involvement in ten-month-old daughter Lauren Yasemin's early development is a wise decision, having also learned through parenting classes how important the first year of a baby's life is in terms of brain development.

Since Mr. Kurt is a hairdresser and can schedule his own hours, he works from Thursday to Saturday, while wife Nicole, who is a bookkeeper, works from Monday to Wednesday. In addition to the practicality of their arrangement, Daniel feels it gives both parents some space.

"I don't think mothers should be the ones who are at home all the time,'' he says. "This way both of us get out of the house for part of the week.'' Of Turkish/German descent, Mr. Kurt grew up with his sister in a "really close'' family environment where everything was openly discussed, so he is anxious to develop the same relationship with his daughter.

Married for one year before Laurel's birth, the first-time father had no particular preference for a boy or girl, but he does feel that "you raise girls a little differently'', and is therefore very protective.

"Right now I am maybe too protective,'' Mr. Kurt admits, "but it is only because I want the best for Laurel. I am going to try to raise her to be strong and independent -- and trilingual.'' Like the other fathers in this story, Mr. Kurt's day is filled with a combination of child care and chores based on his philosophy that husbands and wives should share all things, including housework. Because he believes children should have a set routine, Laurel's day is structured.

"Between meals and naps we play, we sing, we read,'' he says. "I take her to town for lunch, we go swimming ...'' While Laurel naps, Mr. Kurt fits in the housework and preparations for the evening meal. Like the other days, he finds the nap times all too short.

Nonetheless, he wouldn't exchange his life for the world.

"For the first two years, as a parent you are like a guide for the child. It sees, registers and learns so much. It isn't easy being a parent, but you have to make the best of it,'' he allows.

In terms of day care, Mr. Kurt demurs, having been turned off when he saw an attendant at one centre pick up a dropped bottle from the ground, and place the soiled nipple back in an infant's mouth.

"That baby was no more than three months old, and it shocked me,'' he remembers. "Besides, you can never get back the days and hours your child would spend away from you during those important first two years.' He does, however, acknowledge that when Laurel is two, she will be placed in an environment where she can interact with other children.

"Until then, I really want to spend a lot of time with her,'' the devoted father says.

And would he like more children? "Oh, definitely,'' Mr. Kurt responds.

In formulating plans for the birth of their Laura Ann, Peter and Shari Barrett thought they would be "like any other couple''. At the end of Mrs. Barrett's three months' maternity leave, they would put their child in day care, resume their regular jobs -- he as an accountant and she as a legal counsel at an insurance company -- and pick it up at the end of the day.

Learning to be full-time dads One month after the baby was born, however, the couple decided that only one of them would go back to work until they "felt comfortable'' that Laura was ready for day care -- probably at six months' old.

Meanwhile, Mr. Barrett started looking at day care centres, and also advertised for a nanny. In the end, based on what they had learned in parenting classes, the couple decided that one of them would give up work for at least two years and care for the baby full time.

It was decided that Mr. Barrett would be the one to stay home, based on the premise that his wife not only loved her job but would have greater difficulty finding similar employment than he would as an accountant. Meanwhile, he has begun teaching an evening course in introductory accountancy at the Bermuda College.

And so it was that Peter Barrett became a full-time father -- a decision he would make all over again if he had to, although he admits he does miss work, and the companionship and camaraderie that comes with it.

Although still under one, Laura's naps are getting shorter, so the busy father finds his days fill quickly. Typically, they begin at 7.30 a.m., and apart from the usual baby care and feeding routines, activities include almost daily trips to the Aquarium, and weekly kindermusik sessions (an introductory music appreciation programme for infants and young children). Housework is sandwiched between naps.

"The Aquarium is fantastic because Laura gets to interact with other children. Tourists love her too. Effectively, she gets stimulation by all the interaction,'' Mr. Barrett explains.

He has no plans to deliberately steer his daughter into "girlie'' activities during her first three years simply because she is a female. In time, he says, Laura will figure that out for herself. Meanwhile, father and daughter will be free to enjoy whatever they do together.

While Mr. Barrett does not disparage day care centres in general, he acknowledges that personnel are kept busy and must, of necessity, attend to the child needing the most attention, so when Laura does eventually enter such an environment her father says it will be with him watching over her.

"Knowing that it was not an economic necessity to put her in day care originally, if anything happened to her I could never forgive myself,'' he explains. "I know the statistics, but when it's your child you don't care about the statistics. You are going to do whatever is right. Besides, I think it is important to play an important role.'' Like Mr. Kurt, Mr. Barrett had no fixed wish about the sex of his first child, but since his in-laws already had two grandsons, he is delighted that his wife's preference for a girl was realised. The question of more children is uncertain, given that his wife's pregnancy was difficult.

Asked what the hardest part of fatherhood has been thus far, Mr. Barrett replies, "Laura's short naps, and all the decisions you never thought you would make.'' One thing which is immediately apparent in all three children is how placid and content they are. They are also very healthy and, unlike those in day care who average ten to 12 colds in the first year according to the fathers, Malik, Laurel and Laura have never had a cold.

As for Mrs. Liz Boden, R.N., part-owner of the Nurses' Practice, which teaches the parenting classes, she is very proud of her devoted fathers.

"They are fantastic, and passionate about what they're doing because they believe in parenting,'' she enthuses. "Parenting is hard work -- we are looking at 18 years -- and I have to say that it doesn't matter who the people are, or what their backgrounds, once they understand the importance of raising a child, it is my greatest reward to see fathers enjoying their roles.'' The Pleasures of Parenting: (From left) Mark and Malik Richards, Peter and Laura Barrett, and Daniel and Laurel Kurt enjoy playtime together. The men have no regrets about giving up day jobs to oversee their children's early development.

Now hear this!: First-time father Mark Richards listens intently as son Malik Cinque gets it off his chest. The two enjoy a very special relationship thanks to pre-natal parenting classes.

Love is ...: a kiss and a cuddle from dad. Baby Laurel Barrett obviously delights in these special moments with her full-time father, Peter.

That's my baby: Proud father Daniel Kurt is besotted with his only child, ten-month-old Laurel Yasemin, for whose care he assumes full responsibility during part of the week while his wife works.