Break the chain holding you back
Rickeesha Binns always assumed she would die young.
She was a drug addict and a prostitute, following the path of her parents before her.
She thinks her mother, Peggy Binns, was on her way to get high when she died in a bike accident at 34. Eight months later, her 38-year-old father Ricardo “Ricky” Anderson died from Aids, contracted through drug use.
The 39-year-old believes it’s only through God’s grace that she’s made it this far.
“When I reached 39 it was surreal for me,” she said. “A part of it was a little saddening. I wish my parents were here sometimes. I miss them. I also wish they had the opportunity to be saved and get sober like I had.
“Where I am now with my faith I feel like I’ve broken a generational curse. My mom’s mom died when she was ten, so for me to lose my parents when I was 18 was like history repeating itself.”
Ms Binns started drinking at 8, after she found miniature bottles of liquor in her grandfather’s bar.
“It made me feel powerful,” she said. “As a child I used to get teased a lot because of how skinny I was. I never really showed my hurt among my friends, but when I went home I’d cry and just felt so inferior and insecure. I never felt beautiful enough or recognised my worth and the alcohol was the only thing that made me powerful again.”
Her drinking habit got worse when she left the Island for college.
It was then she was hit with the loss of her parents. A heart attack and stroke took her grandfather the same month she lost her father, in April 1996. And then the unthinkable happened.
“I went back to school two weeks later [and] I was raped,” she said. “In my life no one had really talked about depression. After that happened I just knew I wanted to sleep all the time and close myself off in a box and put everything behind me. I found an outlet doing drugs and drinking and stuff like that.
“I eventually came back to Bermuda and things went from bad to worse. My granny couldn’t afford my education anymore and I wasn’t making it to class so wouldn’t have been eligible for a scholarship. I went from being on the Dean’s list with a 3.7 GPA to a below-average student.
“After that I started doing ecstasy, partying hard and then once I got the taste of crack I got addicted to that. Once I had graduated to using the crack pipe I knew I’d reached rock bottom. I was homeless and selling myself in prostitution.”
The turning point came in 2001.
She was in an abandoned building waiting for a drug dealer when she got the idea to build a drug recovery centre.
“I still didn’t get off drugs then. It took a few years after that, but I eventually got to a point where I was sick and tired of selling myself, going from place to place, trying to find drugs here and there and hurting my family and myself,” she said.
“I was so low and remember thinking I should take my life right now. I contemplated smoking enough drugs to blow up my heart, but I came back to that [recovery centre]. Every time I tried to bring that pipe to my face my hands would shake. I threw the pipe up against the wall and prayed. I said, ‘Lord I can’t do it. You have to do this for me’.”
That morning, her aunt told her they had found a rehabilitation centre for her in the US.
“If there’s a call on your life He will be there every step of the way,” she said. “I believe that whatever people are dealing with, whether it’s an issue with drugs, sex or financial issues, if you have the faith to fix the situation and are willing to do the work things will get better.”
Ms Binns is hosting a gospel concert at Ruth Seaton James Centre for the Performing Arts at 6.30pm tonight. Samantha Smith, Last Call and Ms Binns’s group, The Joshua Generation, are among the list of performers.
“This concert is for anyone,” she said. “If you have a generational curse you want to break or a chain that’s been holding you back; whatever it is that’s preventing you from moving forward come out and attach it to a chain and leave it [at the altar], never to take it out with you again.”
Tickets are $30 at the door.