I HAVE just bought Martha Stewart's February edition ofmagazine in the hopes of being able to give you some good recipe ideas for the big day on Saturday (yes, guys, it's Valentine's Day). An adapted selection of which will appear at the end of this column.

I don't buy this magazine very often but when I do, I love to read the "Gentle Reminders" section which tells you what you are meant to be getting up to this month in order to keep your house and garden up to scratch. I suppose that I enjoy reading it because in a slightly masochistic way, it makes me feel like a complete and utter sloth and I find it quite incrediblethat people actually get all this stuff together.

For instance for Valentine's Day Martha suggests that you make cheerful (I'm sorry but who is feeling cheerful? I can't even remember what the word means!) Valentines for all your friends. Make and mail personalised cards; or make a batch of heart shaped sugar cookies, decorate each one with a message in icing and hand deliver them!

My friends would die of shock, I'm sure, if they saw me teetering up the garden path with my little box of cookies which I had made especially for them (wrapped in wax paper and tucked into a miniature home made gift box). They would think that I'd gone completely bonkers and I'm sure would be very sceptical as to what the ingredients might possibly be.

Hand deliver them? Oh yes, but of course. I will start out at the crack of dawn and spend the entire day driving from Somerset to St. George's freaking my friends out with my illegible loving messages written in icing (who has ever managed to write in icing anyway? It's bad enough writing the letter "S" let alone "I love you from the bottom of my heart" on a cookie that is approximately two-inches in diameter).

But, we'll have to hurry because we also have numerous other highly important matters on the agenda to attend to. We must of course go home and quickly whip up a duvet cover, which in my case I will have to sew by hand as I do not now nor ever have owned a sewing machine. This is, of course, to make the boudoir slightly more enticing when I finally manage to lure the fictitious man in there. Two double sheets is all it takes, place them right sides together and sew around the perimeter for about 12 hours leaving the bottom open (so that the dog can jump in) and tie your fasteners with twill ties or buttons. Now that seems nice and easy, doesn't it? And if you are like me and sleeping solo, then nobody can complain if you don't actually follow Martha's orders as regards your bedroom arrangements!

Hurry, hurry, hurry because you now have a multitude of chores to perform before the day is out. Having tied the twills, you will just about have time before night falls to go and rake up lawn and garden debris, clear away any branches that have fallen during recent storms and test the garden soil for nutrient content.

You may also if you have worked extremely quickly be able to sort your books out on the shelves, before your lover arrives arranging by subject order. In my case this will not be difficult as death and destruction are really the only topics that have taken my interest of late with perhaps a few 'R's' for a good romance (have to live vicariously!)

OK, so now it's time to go into the kitchen, you little sex siren, to prepare the sumptuous dinner that's going to win your way under that gorgeous new duvet cover that you have just created. I most fortunately will not be joining you in this endeavour as on that particular day I shall be wending my way (along with five other Bermudian snow bunnies) to Colorado.

We shall be travelling the entire day and will not be arriving at our destination until probably gone midnight. You on the other hand will have enough time (Martha does even in between all the numerous court appearances), after pruning the trees and removing diseased wood (don't forget to oil the garden tools). to perform in a multitude of ways especially on the cuisine front.

Now if I was going to be here and I had some lover extraordinaire that I was going to execute my culinary talents on then I know exactly what I'd cook. It would be an exquisite, slowly cooked, golden brown, crispy chicken.

I think that my roast chicken is the best in the world although I know that my friend Lindsay would say that hers is better than mine. I love it when it is still succulent and moist and falling off the bone. This is when I get into Henry VIII-mode and rip it apart, stuffing it back and sucking on all those lovely crispy bones. (I do refrain however from chucking the bones under the table).

There is something extremely sensuous about eating things off the bone and what better day to put this sensuousness into action than Valentines Day?

This chicken served with some smashed, new potatoes and a saut? of peas in my mind would make the perfect dinner. It would have to be finished off of course with some of Martha's brownies (or "Blondies" as she calls them) served with some vanilla ice cream. I think that this meal would definitely set the tempo for some major after dinner snuggling.

I, of course, will be stuck with the girlies, but I am sure that on the course of our travels some poor unsuspecting Romeo (who most unfortunately for him decided to travel on Valentine's Day) may become entangled in our evil web of desire (not the married ones of course, just in case any of the husbands are reading this!)

1 chicken weighing about 3-pounds, 2 sticks salted English butter, softened, sea salt, ground black pepper, 1 1/2 tablespoons Herbes de Provence.

Rinse the chicken under cold running water inside and out. Pat dry with paper towel making sure that it is completely dry. With your hands smear the soft butter all over the chicken not forgetting the underside. It may seem like a huge amount of butter to use, but it works so don't use less. Put the chicken into a roasting tin and sprinkle over the sea salt and lots of freshly ground black pepper and then rub the Herbes de Provence into the butter, distributing evenly. Place the chicken in a pre-heated 325-degree oven and roast for about 2 1/4 hours turning the oven down to 300 degrees for the last half an hour. Make sure that you baste the chicken liberally every half an hour or so. You will find that there is a lovely brown sediment at the bottom of the pan, which will be perfect for making some delicious garlicky, winey gravy.

1 tablespoon unsalted butter, 3/4-cup frozen peas, thawed, 4-ounces snow peas, 1 tablespoon whole tarragon leaves, zest of 1/2 a lemon cut into fine julienne strips, salt and fresh black pepper

Melt butter in a skillet over a medium heat. Add peas and snow peas and stir to coat. Cook until just tender, stirring occasionally, about 3 minutes. Stir in the tarragon, lemon zest and season with salt and pepper

1 1/8 stick unsalted butter, softened, plus more for the pan, 1 2/3 cups flour, 1 teaspoon baking powder, 3/4 teaspoon salt, 1 cup packed light brown sugar, 2 large eggs, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, 1/3 cup butterscotch chips, 1/2 cup unsalted cashew nuts, coarsely chopped, 1/4 cup toffee bits

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line a buttered 8-inch pan with foil or parchment paper, allowing 2-inches to hang over the sides. (Don't butter that bit) Whisk together flour, baking powder and salt and set aside. Cream together the butter and sugar and on a medium speed beat until pale and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add eggs and vanilla, beating until combined. Add the flour mixture, beating on a low speed, scraping down the sides of the bowl until well incorporated. Mix in the butterscotch, cashews and toffee bits. Pour into the prepared pan, smoothing the top with a rubber spatula. Bake until golden brown and a cake tester inserted into the middle comes out with a few crumbs but is not wet, 42-45 minutes. Let cool for about 15 minutes, lift out of the pan and allow to completely cool before cutting into squares.

6 ounces cream cheese, room temperature, 1/4 cup sugar, 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature, 2 tablespoons flour, 1 large egg, 1/4 teaspoon vanilla

Follow the above recipe as far as after beating in the flour mixture. Beat all the ingredients with a mixer until nice and smooth. Pour half the brownie mixture into the prepared pan spreading evenly with a rubber spatula. Now add 2/3rds of the cream cheese mixture spreading evenly. After this put dollops of the remaining brownie batter on top; spread. Place dollops of the remaining cream mixture about 1-inch apart on top. With a butter knife gently swirl filling into batter, running knife lengthwise and crosswise through layers. Bake for about 45-47 minutes or until a cake tester comes out with a few crumbs but isn't wet.