OCTOBER is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and the Women's Resource Centre is reaching out to the community to highlight the resources available to people in need of support. In Bermuda, domestic abuse and sexual assault are serious crimes that often go unreported. Kathy Harriott, executive director of the charitable organisation, sat down with the Mid-Ocean News to discuss the abuse trends she is seeing in Bermuda, why it goes unreported and how her Centre can help.

Q: How many cases of domestic violence do you know of in Bermuda?

A.: Accurate statistics are hard to come by since reporting of domestic abuse is sporadic. Some people will go to the police and not come to us. Some might go to their family doctor or the emergency room and not go to the police. I think that it is as prevalent as other locations at least, which is estimated to be that one in four women will experience some form of abuse in her lifetime.

Q: Why do you think it goes unreported?

A: There is a lot of fear. Women are afraid they are going to be further harmed or killed if they report the abuse. That's what they are told by their abuser.

Shame is another reason. As a community, not just Bermuda, but in the West especially, we are inclined to blame the victim and not the perpetrator.

If you are in a relationship and you aren't prepared to end it, I think there is this fear that should you come to the Women's Resource Centre that we are going to try and force you to leave it. And, we don't do that.

A woman wants what she wants and we are going to try and help her stay as safe as possible should she choose to stay in that relationship.

Housing is another reason, I think. That is a very key factor. If a woman were to leave, where is she going to go? There might be an apartment or house available, if she can afford it. With the high rents in Bermuda, there just aren't that many places.

Q: You mentioned shame, why are we inclined to blame the victim?

A: It's historical. Women are considered second-class citizens where the male is dominant and the female is subservient.

Society seems to say that it's always the victim's fault. We've heard men say, "If she hadn't nagged me so much, I wouldn't have had to hit her."

And, often, the perpetrators aren't violent in other situations like work or in the community. It's a sense of privilege and entitlement, it's a feeling that they are allowed to be violent towards women.

It's not just Bermuda, it's worldwide.

Q: Is domestic violence considered chronic?

A: Yes. Domestic violence is repetitive, life threatening and will get worse over time.

A push now will most likely escalate into something else a few months down the line. The space between assaults becomes shorter and the assaults become worse.

Women are romanced into their own destruction. Someone doesn't walk up and punch you in your face and then ask you out on a date.

It starts out as very loving and exciting, however, it was probably very controlling from the beginning although women may not identify that.

If you meet a guy and the next day he is calling you five times, there's a problem with that. Understandably, the attention feels good sometimes for women. But that's a clue to future problems.

Q: Does domestic violence always have to be between men and women? Are victims always women?

A: Abuse is all about power and control. Domestic means a living arrangement, sharing a household so domestic violence can happen in any relationship.

Mother/child, father/child, in same-sex relationships, no one is really immune.

At the Women's Resource Centre, we hear a lot about abuse between men and women but lately, we have been hearing more about abuse by a child on a parent.

Usually it's an older child, probably in their teens, 20s or 30s that are abusing their parents.

Q: Are there many kinds of domestic abuse?

A: There are hundreds, including physical, sexual, financial, verbal, psychological/emotional as well as religious and ritual, among many others.

Vehicular abuse is a new type that has just started showing up as well.

This is where the perpetrators are driving and killing their victims in the car, either by driving into something and killing them both or hitting or running them over with their cars or bikes. It looks like an accident but it's not.

Q: What does financial abuse entail?

A: It could be handing over the paycheque every month or using up all the money for drugs, gambling, entertainment or clothes.

It's also includes when an estranged spouse has an obligation to pay child support and it's not necessarily being paid.

Q: Are there one or two types of abuse we are seeing more frequently in Bermuda?

A: We are seeing a lot of physical and emotional abuse. Financial abuse isn't as clear, however, an estranged parent that doesn't pay child support is very, very common.

Q: The Centre has a confidential hotline, is it the only one of its kind in Bermuda?

A:. No, it's not but I believe it's the only one that runs as it does. It's 24-hours-a-day, 365-days-a-year managed by trained volunteers at night and on weekends.

During the weekday, our staff handles the hotline from 6 a.m. till 6 p.m.

Our first priority is to make sure the caller is safe. If not, then we need to figure out how to get them safe.

The call may not be about physical or sexual assault. It's not our job to tell the callers what to do; it's to support them with the decisions that they think are best for them.

We are there to present them their options. And, sometimes we aren't the right agency for them so we will refer them if that's the case.

Q: How many people do you deal with in the office on a regular basis?

A: We have walk ins, appointments, referrals from individuals, doctors, schools, police, child and family services as well as Government agencies.

In one week our counsellor probably has 12 appointments and then any emergencies that come in. There is a waiting list but we have a new counsellor starting at the end of the month so we'll have more help.

Q: How did you end up in this line of work?

A: I went university as a mature student and I wanted to do counselling. Part of the reason I wanted to do counselling was because of my own experience as a client. I had a really fantastic counsellor that helped me.

From that experience, I knew I wanted to be just like that. So I went to university and studied psychology and got my masters degree in counselling after that.

In that process, some of the courses I took were feminine psychology and the psychology of women, which really interested me. It resonated with me during a time when I was going through some difficulties, including, getting a divorce, parents dying and having my daughter going to college.

Q: Is there a story (from here or abroad) that has affected you the most?

A: There is book entitled Life With Billy that chronicles a case of severe domestic violence in Canada that I read during university. It was a case where everyone knew what was happening even the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) knew.

Ultimately, the victim ended up murdering her husband. I saw interviews with the woman and you could still see the fear in her face when she told the story. She went to jail for the murder and has since committed suicide.

That story was so extreme and appalling that it really got to me.

Q. What is the biggest challenge in your job?

A. I think that the biggest challenge is getting people to understand that it's not just them. People think that if they tell someone others will think they are crazy or there's no truth to it. That, and just getting people to make the first phone call to the hotline.

Q. What do you consider to be a success story?

A. We don't measure success by the victims leaving the abusive relationship. We want to support them make better choices in their lives whether it's staying in the relationship or not.

On average, many women only come once or twice so we measure our success on whether we did everything possible in those one or two sessions to ensure her safety.

Our goal is to put a safety plan in place the first day someone comes in because they may not come back.

Q: If you could say one thing to women, men or children out there that may be experiencing some form of domestic abuse, what would it be?

A:They are not alone.

Should you or anyone you know need help due to domestic violence, visit the Women's Resource Centre's new website, www. wrcbermuda.bm, that has accurate information, facts about victim's rights and tips for developing a safety plan. To phone the Women's Resource Centre confidential hotline, call 295-7273.