Bermuda has many parents who love and nurture their children. But former headmaster and PLP backbencher Dale Butler said he is seeing more parents today who are not spending enough time with their children which leads to problems later in life.

"Being a parent is the most important job a person can have. But you have to spend a lot of time perfecting it," said the blunt talking Mr. Butler. "We have a lot of parents in Bermuda who are very good parents but we also have a growing number of parents who think that their children are just toys. And when they break these parents just detach themselves."

Mr. Butler, who has two sons, Jay and Russell, said that although parents' time may be stretched these days, they still have to make time for their kids.

"Children are crying out for their parents' time. They want their parents to give them more time and show more interest in what they are doing. They want their parents to be a lot kinder and also to make sacrifices — simply be there for them and do things with them."

And while much is made about the stresses that single parents suffer, Mr. Butler said that when he was headmaster of St. George's Secondary, he noticed that some of the best parents were single parents.

"I do not differentiate. When I was at St. George's some of my best parents were single parents. They had set rules and made no excuses for their children. They did not say that 'daddy's not home so that is why he didn't achieve. Or mummy's got two or three jobs'.

"They were determined that their child would achieve. When people say that a child cannot achieve anything because 'daddy is not around or mummy is not home' I believe it is nonsense. I know some children don't feel loved by their parents anymore and that is very sad. But thank goodness we still have a large number of parents who are good parents. They are the ones carrying the school system. But unfortunately we also have some parents who do not have the skills and are not interested in the job of being parents — they lose interest quickly and the child suffers."

Mr. Butler himself came from a broken family.

"I never had a father in my life. I was born out of wedlock and my mother had gone off and married someone else and left me with my grandparents and uncles. But in that home there was a policy of 'you can do it'. There were no excuses — nothing about racism, being black or poor from the back of town. That is a pack of nonsense. It was a 'you can do it and you can do it even better' philosophy.

"The most important thing is there must be a person who has responsibility for that child – whether it is the parents, foster parents, an uncle or an aunt. The main thing is that there has to be a significant other who takes an interest in that child."

And girls in Bermuda are getting ahead because "of the good role models in their home — their mothers".

Mr. Butler said: "If a boy doesn't have a role model in the home — say a father — they are going to have to find one. It could be a Cub Scout leader, a church leader, an uncle — someone that will make a difference. Thank goodness that my uncles were there to help me succeed.

"When I go into a school now to speak to the students I am welcomed by a girl at my car. I am then taken to a female teacher or principal. Then I am introduced (to the students) by a girl and then thanked by a girl. And during question time the first 10 hands that go up are all from girls. Then I am escorted back to my car by a girl. And we wonder why we have boy problems."

Mr. Butler also wrote a book in 2003 entitled 'Successfully Raising Bermudian Boys'.

But he said he was dismayed that it had been ignored by many in Bermuda.

"I have given more lectures overseas (about the book) than in Bermuda schools. I don't know why — perhaps because I am a local and a person has no honour in his own home.

"I even sold 1,000 of the books overseas and only 300 here in Bermuda. I honestly believe that the book should be given to parents when their child enters school or even when their child is born.

"I read 50 books on raising boys before writing my book. I had to come up with my own concept of what I wanted if I had a father."

Mr. Butler, who is a former Minister for Culture and Social Rehabilitation and also a former Sports Minister, was initially prompted into politics by the late PLP leader Frederick Wade.

He ran in the 1998 election "because the late L.F. Wade had asked me to run because he wanted to appoint someone with my knowledge and zeal to reform education. As we know Dame Jennifer (Smith) took the job herself and there followed a long list of Ministers — since which only former Premier Alex Scott asked me (to take over education) but it was a good period in my life medically and personally. Premier Brown never asked. It is a post I will not consider. I think the current Minister (El James) is doing a great job and should be allowed to stay there for at least another 50 years."

Mr. Butler was headmaster at St. George's Secondary for 12 years from 1981 and then he took over Northlands from 1993-98. "I did 16 years as a principal. I was the youngest principal (in Bermuda) as I was appointed at age 28.

But deciding to leave education and put his energy into politics was a tough one. "It was one of the biggest decisions I have ever made but I was encouraged to do so by Freddie Wade. He said he was going to need an Education Minister from day one.

"I love teaching and I love being a Minister."

And Mr. Butler said he wanted to see parents working with the schools. "I would encourage parents to have a good relationship with the school. I know that parents are not going to agree with everything the school does but they must try — especially in front of their child. They have to have a good relationship with the teachers. That is almost 50 percent of that child's success.

"I would hope they support the schools. If you do not agree with a policy of a school then please don't share it with the child. Everyone has to be on the same page with the child. If you have a different opinion (with the school) go in and solve it with the principal or teacher. But keep it from the child.

"After all, school is preparing that child for life."

And he praised Bermuda's teachers. "I believe we have the most experienced and well qualified teachers in the world. We have so many teachers who have Masters degrees — and these teachers prepare so well for the kids so there is no reason why our children cannot succeed.

"But parents have to have a plan for that success — they (children) are not going to just arrive there. It may mean restricting TV privileges and having a discipline plan of some sort.

"Some children's parents may not have the same values that you do so one strategy I used when my kids were young was to have the parties at my house. Then you can monitor the BQ, you can monitor the language, the behaviour and the jokes. There was a lot of activity at my house so I didn't have to worry too much about the things they (his children) were picking up indiscriminately. Then again I didn't have a life for the first 16 years (of his children's lives)!"

Expressing the importance of preparation, Mr. Butler said: "Parents must prepare properly — and early. Start preparing to send them to summer camps at Christmas. Many of these camps are pretty reasonable. Parents should be planning for their child right from the start whether it is a scholarship scheme or something like that. They have to ensure that their child is not left behind. With a good plan your child can do very well although there are no guarantees.

"Scholarship preparation takes place when the child is five years old."

While reluctant to talk about his own two sons — Jay and Russell — whose mother is Dr. June Hill, Mr. Butler noted that he has a picture of Jay with a Harvard T-shirt on when he was only four years old.

And sure enough Jay went to Harvard and was also the 2006 Rhodes Scholar.

His other son Russell has also been very successful with a Masters at Tufts University.

Preparing children for work after their schooling can also start when they are young.

"Find them a Saturday afternoon job and then set up their savings account which will help with their further education. You really have to prepare children well in advance."

Mr. Butler also said parents do not utilise the services the community offers.

"Parents have to find an environment for their children to be successful — there are a lot of organisations who will be supportive of your children.

"There are more than enough reasonable activities for children to be involved with. I also think our youth centres are underused. Then there are church activities and things like the Boy Scouts. Parents must get their children involved early with these groups. And it is even better if a parent can be a volunteer with these groups even if it is only a little bit. It makes a difference if a child sees their daddy or mummy there — it makes a big impression.

"I also do believe that children should find themselves in church. I learned my politics in church, I learned my protocol there — how to address and talk to people and I got rid of my nervousness in church because I was in a loving environment. The church reinforced what I learned in the home and people are missing out."

And one of Mr. Butler's pet peeves in education today is school trips.

"If I had my way I would ban school trips for five years. We are sending the wrong message to children — that message being that life is all about trips. Schools become too preoccupied with raising money for trips. When I went to Dellwood I asked the teachers what are the top five things they would get rid of. And number one was school trips. It just takes too much time up. There are too many fun camps and ski camps although I agree that there is some merit to a few school trips."

Mr. Butler was educated at Central School, the Berkeley Institute and the Bermuda College. He then earned a Masters in Education from Miami University and a Masters in Science from Indiana University and has taken courses at Vermont University, Marva Collins and Harvard University.