There are many things I’ll miss when the girls leave the nest.

The chats at the kitchen island while I make dinner are at the top of my list. They’ll wander in and launch into a conversation – offloading about schoolwork or checking in on plans.

Sometimes they’ll play with the dog and talk to her more than me, or sometimes they’ll pick up a veggie knife and start chopping in silence. I just love that they are there (because sometimes they are on the couch, deep into their phones!) I also love the car rides as that seems to be where the really good stuff comes out. We’ve had some life-defining moments on the road – declarations, frustrations, hopes and dreams. Keep it coming kiddos, I am all ears.

Last night, on the way home, Belle was giving me a snack list for the grocery store: cheese sticks, biltong and grapes. She’s put herself on a month of no-sugar after going a little mad at Easter – I swear I didn’t instigate it!

She has become a good self-regulator lately. I asked her what was helping her make these healthy decisions and she said, “It’s when you relaxed the rules and gave us more freedom. Sometimes I would eat sugar not because I wanted it, but because I thought it was my only opportunity and that I should have it while I could.” Yikes.

It was a little hard to hear because I’d like to think my parenting around nutrition has been perfect. In reality, I’ve been learning as I go. Isn’t that motherhood in a nutshell?

When the kids were younger I definitely held back a lot on the sugar. To be honest I viewed it as a bit of a health and safety issue. I couldn’t understand why people would use helmets and seatbelts but let their kids have an unlimited amount of junk. I reasoned that more people were dying from lifestyle-associated diseases than in road accidents. Why wouldn’t we want to prevent that too?

But …. there’s the immediacy issue. If you knew that eating an ice cream would cause your kid to expire on the spot, you wouldn’t give it to them. Instead, we have to navigate our way around a food environment that is cumulatively unhealthy. We have to make short term decisions that have a long-term impact – and it’s hard! It’s too easy, cheap and socially acceptable to eat rubbish. In contrast, it’s often too hard or expensive to make the healthy choice and sometimes, people tease you for doing it (or at least tempt you into the less healthy option that they are having too … people feel less guilty about their choices when they have company).

Ultimately there’s a balance to be found and as my kids got older, I gave them a lot more freedom to find that balance themselves. They had the education and the knowhow to make healthy choices; I had to relinquish control and see what they did. The result? There has definitely been more junk than I would like. They are capable of tormenting me with a hideous slushy or blue push pop (my idiot buttons)! But then I saw the self-regulation coming in. I found that at home they would seek out the healthier snacks or ask for “a plate of vitamins” (which is what they call a fruit and veg snack tray) after they had been to parties or brunch or overdone it in general.

Do I think I was too restrictive when they were younger? Maybe. They had a pretty healthy start and I don’t know what it would have been like if we’d done it differently but Belle’s description of eating sugar because she thought it might be her only opportunity – that was a wake-up call for sure. I’m sharing not because I know what the right solution is (and I suspect that it might be different for every kid and family) but because the insight is just generally useful.

Regardless, there have been some key things that have definitely worked in our favour when it comes to setting up healthy nutrition habits at home. I’ve listed them below in case they are helpful for you too. If you have been a little tight on the nutrition rules, this might help you relax the reins a little. Or it will give you several ways to build a healthier household if you think you haven’t been tight enough! Either way, I hope you find it useful. And to all the moms out there, happy Mother’s Day. Let’s keep learning as we go!

Healthy habits at home

1, Create a supportive environment

It’s so much easier to say “we don’t have any” than “you can’t have any”. If it’s there, don’t blame the kids if they pester you for it. Humans are designed to crave energy-dense sources of carbs, to be able to overeat them and to store the excess as fat. This worked brilliantly when we were hunter gatherers swinging between food abundance and food scarcity. It backfires on us now when we have the same biology but a different environment. Experienced food scarcity lately?! So, try and keep the sugary or deep-fried options (ice cream, fries) mainly out of the home and keep them for restaurant or outing occasions.

2, Have a limited amount of junk

At the same time, having a little bit of junk food around can be helpful. Having a few chips and biscuits available does help to teach self-regulation and balance. But buy a small amount during the weekly shop and then, when it’s gone, it’s gone. If there’s a discrepancy between how fast family members eat or drink these items and if that seems unfair, you can always divide up the items into bags or baskets for each person. I have a few clients that do this for their kids and it works like a charm.

3, Try making treats from scratch

If you do want cookies or cake, try making them from scratch instead of buying them. There’s so much satisfaction in creating something yourself and – if you can cope with the chaos in the kitchen – it might just be good bonding too. As you add flour, eggs, sugar etc, it’s a good opportunity to talk about what these ingredients are and what they do (or don’t do) for our bodies. You can talk about choosing healthier flours or fats, or using natural dyes for decorations too. Tip: try making a small batch so that you enjoy it that day, but don’t have excess hanging around. Remember that supportive environment!

4, Try cooking meals together too

It’s tempting to just stick to baking, but teaching kids how to make a meal from scratch is an amazing life skill and something you will find they come back to time and time again when they are older. My mum was a wonderful teacher and I went to university knowing how to make all the basics. So yes, I ate my fair share of crap, but I also regularly cooked bolognese and stir-fry and roast chicken. I’ll always be grateful for that.

5, Keep well-stocked with healthy snacks

We’ve talked about what NOT to have, but we all know that kids – especially growing teens – can be insatiable. Having snacks is probably a must but keeping tons of healthy options around will really help. Try explaining that adding protein to a snack is major for supporting muscle growth and sustaining energy release. That’s so helpful for improving how they feel on a daily basis, but also for boosting things like sports performance and concentration in class (or on homework.) If they have fruit, encourage them to have nuts too. Belle loves frozen grapes (fine for older children who won’t choke) and will tolerate pistachios. She also loves biltong – which is a much healthier alternative to those weird meat sticks in the gas station! Organic cheese sticks are good. Plain organic Greek yoghurt is naturally high in protein and you could add fruit or a low sugar granola (try KIND or Made Good) with some extra nuts/seeds. Fresh veggies with hummus/guacamole work well. If you have an older teen that likes making protein shakes then a quality brand is a must. My favourite is the Garden of Life Organic Sport brand (whey or plant based) from Miles. For a younger child, you can add protein to a smoothie with Greek yoghurt, collagen, nut butter and/or ground seeds (eg Linwoods mix from Miles’ baking section).

Catherine Burns is a fully qualified clinical nutritionist. She can be contacted at 291-4725, clinicalnutrition@gmail.com, Facebook or Instagram