January 13, 2013Dear Sir,Some days ago I called one of our local banks to confirm whether or not a case of credit card machine tapes that I had previously ordered had been delivered to the branch bank closest to me for ease of collection. These days when I need to call my bank I am invariably overcome with a feeling of fear and dread resulting from the outsourcing of the whole customer service platform. I’m sure I am not alone. I called the local number listed in the telephone directory and was greeted with “Welcome to ...... This call may be monitored for quality monitoring purposes.” The message goes on to say “For automated telephone banking press 2, for all card related services press 3. To reach a customer service representative” (Halleluiah) “Press 4. To return to the main menu, press the pound key.”I pressed four, the number choice that they (the machine) indicated would transfer me to a customer service agent and the machine tells me to wait while they transfer my call. Then another machine voice greets me with ... Oh no please not again.....”Welcome to .....Please note that we have recently updated our internet banking platform as part of our continual improvements to our banking technology. If you are experiencing difficulty logging into or operating your internet banking account please click on our Frequently Asked Questions banner at www....... For all other queries please remain on the line ... thank you.”No customer service rep yet ... and it continues “For personal banking please press 1. For business banking please press 2. How silly of me to think that I might actually be transferred to a real person just yet! If you do not press any of the suggested numbers the machine repeats the options and then tells you again “Please wait for a moment while I transfer your call to one of our customer service representatives.”OK, maybe now ... wrong again and the machine continues “For quality monitoring purposes and as a record of information exchange’ (I would actually need to speak to someone before I can exchange any information) ‘’Calls with our representatives may be recorded.” Then after that the machine tells me “All of our representatives are busy service other customers” ... and to please try again later! Oh for goodness sake ... so I have to go through this whole painful exercise all over again in the hopes that I might actually be connected to a customer service rep. I slam the phone down in total frustration and try again later when I was finally transferred to the branch bank I needed to reach. Now this whole exercise took me (including the wait time to try again later) about 15 minutes. Hello! I only needed a yes or no answer to my question!This situation immediately brought to mind at least two other occasions (I will only recount the most memorable) where this newfangled type of customer service and the lack of informed human communication was directly responsible for significant inconvenience, some embarrassment on the part of my company and unnecessary work to “unwind” the whole event!Some years ago this same bank decided to inform my company via local mail that due to restructuring they would be closing our company account that and we would have to apply for a new one. This of course would require all new forms, due diligence etc. This action was apparently done with no follow up to ensure that I had actually received the advisory! Fifty bounced company cheques was not pretty, and when I legged it across the road to address this issue I was asked (like it was my fault) who my “Relationship Manager” was.Clearly I had been remiss in not cultivating/developing a Relationship Manager, and wondered if those who had these special agents had been fortunate enough to receive a phone call or perhaps an e-mail to advise them of the impending closure of their accounts. Surely there has to be a better way to offer customer service as for all the “Welcome” messages, the “How may I assist you” and the “Is there anything else I can do for you today?” it seems to me that these poor customer service reps have to spend so much time learning their lines that they are too preoccupied to help you even if they wanted to. Furthermore, if they are in Asia or some other non-English speaking country it is unlikely that they have any local knowledge and are therefor somewhat helpless themselves!Bear in mind that after the initial “Welcome to .........” greeting where the machine stated that I should press 4 to speak to a customer service representative that’s what I did, and yet I still had to endure the whole speech about the internet issues and the quality monitoring business before (after I called again later) I was eventually transferred to a real person. When I do have the opportunity to speak to someone the accent is clearly foreign and when I enquire as to exactly what part of the world I have been connected to it is invariably in Asia somewhere resulting is frustrations at both ends and rendering the whole customer service experience far from satisfactory!Enough with the “Welcome” messages when a simple Good Morning/Afternoon would do very nicely thank you, and please for goodness sake, if you haven’t managed to help me (which for the most part is the case these days) please don’t ask me if “there is anything else you help me with” or “Thank me for calling your outsourced bank"!TESTING MY PATIENCESouthampton