A love story: Boy meets Girl. Both consider ‘love’ to be their driving value in a relationship. Great! Each loves the other but after a while both turn and say, “you never show that you love me!”“What?” cries each offended party. “I do so, all the time! How can you not see that?” Unfortunately, unbeknown to either of them, one knows for sure that showing you love someone involves expensive gestures and public amorous attention (which they’ve been doing) whilst the other is certain that love is a whispered, intimate exchange in private and a made-up poem slipped in among your partner’s work papers (which they’ve been doing).So, one is confused by these scribbled-on bits of paper they keep finding in their briefcase and the other confounded by all these embarrassing snogs in fancy restaurants: and they’re each left wondering ‘where is their love?’What do you believe love to be? And where do we get these ideas?You can be sure that you believe a lot of things the person next to you does not, no matter how right you think you are about them. Our beliefs (and here I’m referring to the subconscious kind, not the spiritual) are the literally hundreds of thousands of things we believe to be true; the ‘rules’ we have about ourselves, others, about how the world works (beliefs about relationships, work, life, love etc) whether these things are true or not.Let’s look at some of your beliefs. Just finish the following sentences with what comes to mind:Global beliefs:— I am …— Life is …— I can’t …— The world is …— Bermuda is …— Men are …— Women are …— Change is …If …Then Rules:If you trust people then …If you don’t go to college then …If I don’t get my own way, then …If someone’s rude to me, then …If you love me, then …I’m sure in all of Bermuda we wouldn’t find two sets of answers exactly the same. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. We hold a multitude of beliefs about virtually every aspect of our lives.Neuroscience describes these beliefs as conclusions we have formed mostly during childhood in the natural process of generalising the information we take in from our experiences, in order to make sense of the world.And study has found that these beliefs can even be created from a one-off learning, ie our young, impressionable minds can draw a conclusion from one incident, which then becomes the rule going forward and informs our perception of everything related.This conclusion is then reinforced by biased evidence to support it. Do you recall in an earlier article I mentioned how the subconscious provides the information requested of it? The subconscious will supply all the proof needed that the conclusion is true so the rule stands. Often by adulthood these beliefs have become so ingrained in our thought process that we consider them facts. You can imagine the arguments between our couple above, each convinced that their way is the real way to show love. But who is right?The diversity of the rules we create is immeasurable — even within the same family with similar upbringings. Imagine for a moment all the influences on a young child: relations, friends, teachers, religious leaders, ‘society’, the media, even Scooby-Doo for goodness sake.Many people, often with the best intentions, are eager to instil what they believe to be ‘right’ or ‘the way it is’. Children take on board the wide range of ‘truths’ they are fed or exposed to and it seems we have little control as to which seeds will take root to become beliefs. I don’t mean to make it sound sinister.After all, the majority of the beliefs we hold serve us very well if we are functioning, capable adults. But if a one-off learning can become the foundation of a child’s belief, then a flippant comment made by a maths teacher in school could potentially form the basis for a child’s entire ongoing relationship with that subject, either good or bad, depending on how it is perceived.And unfortunately, not all of our beliefs do serve us. We may have formed opinions in our youth that are creating unnecessary conflict in our lives or are holding us back from what we could otherwise achieve. In coaching, we call these ‘limiting beliefs’ — limitations we unwittingly adhere to because they fit with our rules about ourselves and what we consider possible.Things like: I can’t do/have/be something because … I’m too old or too young, I’m not educated enough, I’m no good at it, I’m not rich enough/thin enough/good enough, I’m not lucky, people don’t …, it’s unladylike to … etc.We won’t do something if we don’t believe it is possible for us. And our subconscious will keep presenting the evidence to support our beliefs (good or bad) so they will remain a limitation. Imagine what we could be missing out on in life because of these beliefs that: We didn’t get to choose and, we were perhaps even accidentally programmed with?The good news is that, once identified, beliefs can be changed.Next week we’ll take a look at how to squelch a limiting belief that may have created a ceiling on what you can accomplish and instead, set yourself up for success!Julia Pitt is a trained success coach and certified NLP practitioner. For further information telephone 705-7488 or visit www.juliapittcoaching.com.