Now, I don’t care if you like it or not, but I complain (constantly) about people that irritate me.I’m the first to admit my age has a lot to do with it (hence the name of the column) and one of my favourite rants is the younger, unappreciative generation.But this I got to talk about — something I’ve seen a few times, but I just can’t ignore it any more.Will someone please explain to me why a young man goes to the beach and wears those baggy swimming trunks that come down to his knees, and yet a dried-up old, aged 60+ prune of a man will wear Speedos?You must have seen them, walking up and down the beach as if they’re a famous supermodel.Why is it that men that old think they look good in a pair of itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie trunks and at 59, they modestly cover their body with two inches of fabric, and Lycra at that? It’s horrifying.The only thing creepier than seeing an old geezer (like me) in Speedos is seeing an old geezer in Speedos staring back at you.Surely it can’t be for the viewing pleasure of others? In what right mind would some old dude think that he’s giving fellow beach goers a feast for their eyes by displaying his over tanned, hairy man boobs that flap around in the breeze and usually a pot belly that looks like he just swallowed a pot-bellied pig?Oh, and don’t forget that large, gold, vulgar pendant that he bought for today’s outing at the beach.This is one of those things where men and women, when they reach a certain age go off in two completely different directions. Women, when younger, run around on the beach in the smallest of bikinis and men are wearing oversized baggy trunks.Then something goes awry in the mind. It’s as if human’s brains start to short out, wires start to get crossed and the brain starts to scramble — when a 60+ year old man goes into town and buys the smallest, tightest swimming garment that he can find to squeeze himself and his ‘crown jewels’ into, and not to mention the bling that goes with this eye sore.And our female counterpart wakes up one morning and decides it’s time to start covering up. So, she goes into town to look for swimming apparel that will give her maximum coverage possible and not to mention the massive straw hat that comes with it.Then off they go to the beach and as soon as the towels are placed on the sand, our Greg Louganis wannabe is down at the water’s edge usually with his hand behind his back parading along the entire beach as if to say “After all these years, I still got the goods ladies”.What I propose is that the manufacturers of these ‘banana hammocks’ pose some sort of age restriction on these things. You know, like clothing tags sewn in the back giving the size?Instead, it could have the letters ‘MR’ meaning ‘mature restricted’ so that old people won’t be able to buy them. Of course this could be enforced by the clerk at the checkout counter, who would day something like ‘Sir, I need to see some ID before I can sell these to you’. Like they do with alcohol and cigarettes to minors.The other alternative is to have a beach patrol of sorts — something like what the police do when they walk the beat around Hamilton, only the beach patrollers would have a tape measure to see if your shorts are the right length and to determine if the swimming apparel is ‘age appropriate’.