Sometimes, bad things happen to good people … they happen to all people. There are those occasions when things just don’t go our way, work out as we hoped or planned.We get bad news or others do or say something we think is unfair or we feel hurt by, or disappointed at, or angry about — fill in the gamut of negative emotion. These are part of life’s natural ups and downs that seem to affect us all.Yet how we choose to handle those downs can make the difference between us persevering to achieve our goals or remaining stuck and wallowing in a mire of negativity.Last week we looked at how to effectively and productively deal with mistakes.Part of this process included forgiveness, both granting it for ourselves and asking for it from others.When someone else makes a mistake and it feels like they (or even the world) has wronged us, and our values have been compromised, how do we deal with it?How easy do you find it to let it go, forgive and move forward?Imagine, Bob, who was dismissed by his employers with little explanation, after years of dedicated service.His work was good but suddenly his manager’s once convivial relationship with him evaporated and he was replaced. Bob’s pride was bruised, he felt utterly disrespected and deeply hurt.For months he looked for another position, but began doubting his capabilities and his confidence plummeted.Bob holds values of loyalty and fairness very high. He dwelt on the injustice of his loss, which fuelled anger and bitterness.He was desperate to prove his old company wrong by landing a better prospect and rubbing their noses in it.He wanted some kind of revenge and satisfaction. It was his subject of conversation with friends, his partner, and even himself: ‘How terrible and unfair it was, and how wounded he was by it’.It began to consume his thoughts. Bob was no longer a fun guy to be around.The toxic soup of negative feelings he was stewing in, was starting to spill over into other areas of his life and his relationships.In theory, Bob wanted to get over it, get another job and move on, but at the same time, he remained so shocked and confused by the situation, he couldn’t seem to put it aside.He was also determined to not forget what they had ‘done to him’, because he wanted to ensure it never happened again.Briefly think for a moment of a time when you felt something was unfair, or someone had done something you considered mean or thoughtless.Pick a relatively mild scenario here please, from your distant past.I got sent to detention when I was nine for a row that lead to another girl scratching me. Scratched and punished? I felt wronged!What is your story? Remind yourself of it now, as if you were telling it to someone. Notice what happens in your thoughts and body.Changing our ‘stories’ and what we decide to focus on, can play a big part in unsticking us to move on from being wronged. But that’s not all she wrote, so to speak.We can also deliberately let go of the negative emotions we have attached to a wrongdoing, that we may be burdening ourselves with.This does not mean forgetting. Our experiences, good and bad, remain inevitably part of our history.It is a question of choosing how much weight and emotional impact we allow an event/experience to have on us.If there is something you would like to forgive, ask yourself:Would I be willing to let go of this?Could I do it now?If not, why not?Are your negative responses to being wronged, serving you in some way?Sometimes our negative emotions spur us towards positive action; take Candice Lightner who started Mothers Against Drunk Driving after her 13-year old daughter was killed.However, if they are only serving to season a toxic soup, then what would it mean for you, your life, your interactions with others, to let go of it now?Can you look at the situation in a different light? Did Bob’s employers set out to hurt and destroy him? Probably not.Is it possible they have no idea the injury this caused Bob? Is it more likely that they made a business decision but failed to manage it effectively?You can actively choose to forgive the people or circumstances that have offended.Package up any angst and upset you’d been clinging to. It can be quite a relief when that burden of negativity has been shed.There may be some circumstances when you can choose not to ‘forgive’ as such, but you do so from a position of power, not as victim.Letting go, forgiving and moving on can lead to healthier relationships, greater mental and physical well-being, lower blood pressure, reduced anxiety/stress and aggression and potentially fewer symptoms of depression or alcohol and substance abuse.As for Bob, he chose to let go of his bitterness, switched career paths altogether and is so happy in his new line of work he can’t believe he ever did his old job.He is grateful for that experience with his old employers because without it, he may never have found his true version of success.Try letting go and see what comes your way!Julia Pitt is a trained success coach and certified NLP practitioner. For further information telephone 705-7488 or visit www.juliapittcoaching.com.