Do you ever wonder why people do the things they do? Any given situation might elicit myriad responses depending on who is reacting to it. One person might shout, another might crumple up and cry and a third look for someone to hug, all from the same stimuli. What is it that is driving their behaviour?International coach and relationship expert, Tony Robbins, and renowned family psychologist Cloe Madanes believe it is down to the way we choose to meet six human needs which we all share and we all need to fulfill, one way or another.Their theory, drawn from various other theses and concepts in their field, is called human needs psychology and forms the basis of much of Robbins’ strategic intervention work with clients.Although I am not a psychologist, I often share this theory with clients as it can be both interesting and useful to recognise how our needs, and our ways of meeting them, might be affecting us and others around us, and how these needs may have influenced our patterns and decisions in the past. Consider for yourself how these needs show up in your life.Human needs psychology suggests that satisfying the following six needs is both essential for survival and also for fulfillment:1. Certainty: We all need to feel a level of security, safety, that we will be comfortable and can avoid pain. Other resonant words for certainty include predictability, feeling grounded, stability etc.2. Variety: It is the ‘spice of life’. We require challenges and exercise for our emotional and physical selves. Key words include change, surprise, uncertainty, entertainment, suspense etc.3. Significance: We each need to feel special, important, wanted and needed and to have a sense of pride and achievement. Competition, performance, perfection, comparison and evaluation are associated with significance.4. Connection/Love: We all need to experience a sense of connection with other human beings, that we are part of something and we all strive for love (our definition of it). Unity, togetherness, passion and warmth are all aspects of this.The first four are our basic needs of the personality and need to be met in some respect for survival. These last two, they suggest, are required to experience a sense of fulfillment in our lives, beyond just the basics.5. Growth: We have a need to keep developing emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.6. Contribution: We share a common desire to give to others, to go beyond our own needs and be more than just ‘for ourselves’.We each strive to meet these needs and it can be done in a variety of ways. There are positive and healthy outlets to meet them, which benefit us, or those around us, or we can resort to negative, damaging and even destructive behaviour to fulfill our desires. Here are just some examples of the kinds of potential actions we might take in order to meet our needs.To create a sense of certainty, a person might choose to be extremely reliable and trustworthy in their demeanour. They might follow life’s perceived ‘rules’ and always do the ‘right’ thing, they might be careful with finances to achieve financial certainty, they might appreciate schedules and planning and keep their lives predictable.Negatively, they may find themselves afraid to take even measured risks, they might choose the ‘safe’ option over the best option, they may experience trouble in relationships because trusting others can be uncertain. They might hoard possessions or money in a bid for ‘safety’ or be overly rigid in their approach to life.We can meet our need for variety through varied social interaction, or by engaging in sports, or travel, adventure, following up on different interests, taking on new challenges, ‘changing it up’ regularly and keeping things fresh. On the negative side, seeking variety might lead to a lack of commitment (eg trouble settling in a job or relationship for any length of time), excessive risk-taking, extramarital affairs etc.Significance might be achieved by being a responsible, ‘go-to’ type of person, taking on a role of authority or leadership, feeling in charge of something, being very competitive and striving to win.If we are desperate to gain significance, we might shout (be the loudest) or be aggressive to assert authority. Alternatively, we can withhold (attention, love, money etc) to prove our power. Sometimes our problems can be our significance: people who constantly create drama in their lives, a ‘big problem’ they talk about, might be perpetuating this as form of attention-seeking to find significance.Connection and love can be found within our healthy relationships like family, friends, intimate relationships, colleagues, groups or societies we belong to etc. Our desire for connection can also lead to unhealthy interactions, remaining in unsafe or unpleasant relationships, dangerous promiscuity. Even fighting and arguing is a form of connection in its widest interpretation.A sense of growth is met through learning and expanding our thoughts and ways of being and experiencing the world. Again however, the option is still there to grow in a negative/unhealthy manner (to develop into a more elusive criminal for example).Contribution is met through our effect on the world and our influence on our environment and the people around us. We can do this with either a positive or negative end in mind.Looking at the list and some of these examples, can you recognise your needs and how you are meeting each of them?Is there any behaviour you engage in, related to meeting your needs, that you would like to change or choose a healthier/more positive option for?While we need to meet all six needs, Robbins and Madanes suggest that we each have two driving needs that prevail above the others. These are often our biggest motivators in the decisions we make and give us our greatest sense of meaning in life.Which are your top two driving needs? And what order are they in? If, for example, your top need is for certainty and your next was love/connection, it may mean you are not able to fully love someone until your need for certainty is met.Looking back at some of your major life decisions, how have these top needs influenced the direction you took?What alternative decision might you have taken if you had one of the other driving motivations?What about those around you: can you identify what their driving needs might be and how they are fulfilling them?It can sometimes be surprising to consider what might be subconsciously influencing our thoughts and actions. Once we have a greater awareness of our behaviour, and what it is we are looking for and striving to fulfill, we can then make more conscious choices going forward. Certainly if our ways of meeting particular needs are not serving us, we now have the opportunity to change it.Next week I’ll be exploring ideas of further ways these needs can influence our lives, the beliefs we hold around them and how we might use this information to improve our relationships towards our greater success.Julia Pitt is a trained success coach and certified NLP practitioner.For further information telephone 705-7488 or visit www.juliapittcoaching.com.