Dear Carla: My mother-in-law despises me, and even wished my child to die in my womb. However, my baby is healthy and beautiful. Now she is complaining to everyone that I won’t leave my child alone with her. I am deeply fearful she may harm my child. The others do not know what she said to me when I was pregnant. How do I handle this? AFRAIDDear Afraid: While I understand your apprehension, I do not think that your mother-in-law would hurt her grandchild. I would suggest you take the baby to visit her and watch their interaction. Is she loving? Attentive? When you feel comfortable, let her keep the baby for half an hour. If baby is happy then gradually increase the time. Although what she said was vile, give her the benefit of the doubt that she said it out of anger.Dear Carla: Am I wrong to be vexed that my ex is getting married in less than a month, but doesn’t have a cent to give in helping with the upbringing of our child ... nor is he putting in the time with our child as he should. There best not be a honeymoon, let me tell you! GIPPEDDear Gipped: I think you have every right to be angry, but unfortunately you are not alone. There are way too many fathers out there who do not take care of their financial responsibility to their children, but have time to spend money on everything else. In Bermuda, it is acceptable behaviour. Fathers do whatever they choose while mom has to suck it up and make a dollar out of 15 cents. How men like this live with themselves is beyond me. If you guys have a cordial relationship perhaps you can sit down with him and tell him how you feel. What about his wife to be? Can you talk to them together and share expectations from both of your sides? Since she is now going to be a part of your child’s life perhaps she can have some sort of positive influence on him picking up his socks.Dear Carla: What do I do? A woman I broke things off with six months ago, and am starting to rekindle things with, is starting to talk about future and marriage. The way we ended it was on bad terms, because there was too much influence from her baby’s father, because, he still wanted her. But now we are in a better place. I see her as wife material, but am hesitant because of previous issues, even though the baby daddy is not really in the picture. We are not in a serious relationship; just talking and friends for now. What do you think she is implying? And how should I progress? TIMIDDear Timid: Trust me when I tell you; she’s had time to reflect and realises what is best for her. We women do that quite often … can’t tell you much more because then I’d be breaking the woman code. Seriously, she probably has had time to figure out what she wants in life, and who she wants it with, and it sounds like that person is you. I think you should tell her how you feel, and let her know that at this point you are sceptical because of the previous experience, but are willing to take things slow. Then take the time to get to know each other again, and see what happens. Shoot me an update in a few months!Dear Carla: Here is my situation.I am a divorcee with two children from that marriage. Both children have my ex-husband’s surname. I have always kept my maiden name even when married. I have a third child, a son, from a post-divorce relationship. He has his father’s surname as well. I constantly receive flak from relatives, and people, about how I am wrong to give my third child his father’s name. I would just like for everyone to understand “to each his own”. I honestly don’t know if I would have done the same without a previous marriage and children. I do know that having lived the life I have lived, I strongly believe that my son should have his father’s name, and that belief is way stronger than me not giving it to him because we did not marry. I can also say if we had a girl, I would have thought differently.I believe sons should carry their father’s name, and that it serves as a sense of entitlement and pride. Again, this is something I learned, ironically, as result of my first son receiving his father’s name “through marriage”. Nonetheless, that is the lesson I have learned, and that is what is important to me. I just wish people would give it a rest. We live and learn. But to each his/her own. I am happy with my decision, and so are my children.Is there some hidden surname voodoo out there that I am missing? I think it is none of their business personally. Is there any way I can comeback at these people that will make them think twice. I really am getting tired of trying to explain my decision.If it were just anybody else I would probably flip ‘em the bird, but these people are family, and really believe I have done something wrong and unthinkable. TO EACH HIS OWNDear To Each His Own: Why do you feel the need to have any comeback at all? It was YOUR decision to do what you like, and you do not owe anyone an explanation. Point blank. Period. If you feel that it is important for your sons especially to carry their fathers’ names then it should not be of any concern to anyone else. I’m sure the men are quite happy that their legacies are being carried on. As far as a comeback, I did have one, but it may make your family members mad at you. On a real, ask them what exactly is the big deal? ALL of the children have their blood running through their veins, so they need to stop tripping.* Have you got an issue you want to discuss with Carla? E-mail her: carla@royalgazette.com